I Need New Friends

This is the first year I've ever gotten a pool pass for my family. I've never felt comfortable watching all of them around water until this year. Finally, I feel that most of them are old enough and good enough swimmers that I can concentrate on the little ones and let the older ones go on their own. My first 5 kids have never been afraid of the water which is not necessarily a good thing. I mean, I didn't want them to be scared, but a healthy respect for water would've been nice. From the time each of the first 5 kids could walk, they'd make a beeline for the water and jump right in without a second thought. Joe and I have spent many years chasing after little ones to keep them out of the pool, and jumping in after ones that we didn't catch in time. Thankfully, Brooklyn is a bit more timid. She's not scared of water, but she's never taken off for the high dive either.

So this year, we've been spending a lot of time at the pool and I've come to the conclusion that I'm way too fat to be hanging around the pool my friends are far too thin. Really, who are these moms who wear bikinis to the pool? Have they had extensive plastic surgery? Do they live on water and carrots? Do they work-out 8 hours a day? Or are they the worst kind of all - the kind who are just naturally thin even though they never exercise and they live on pizza, donuts, and beer? As I'm standing there talking to my friends, I non-chalantly glance over their shoulders, trying to find someone, anyone, who looks worse in a bathing suit than I do.

Then it hit me. That's why I have so many friends! I'm the token fat-girl that everyone likes to hang around to make themselves look better! They don't like me because of my sparkling personality, my fascinating conversation skills, or my sense of humor. Nope, they stand next to me because the extra pounds on their thighs don't look so bad when compared to my tree trunks legs. They may think they have a little arm jiggle, but when they see me wave to my kids and my flabby arms actually catch a breeze and inflate like the sail of a boat, they feel much better. Somehow the tiny bit of extra skin on their stomachs doesn't seem so bad when they overhear someone ask me when I'm due and I answer, "Three and a half years ago."

Yep, I either need to move someplace much colder where I can wear jeans and sweatshirts every day or I need to start working out and losing weight. Nah, I'll just find some fatter friends to hang around.