Getting ready to take the kids to school yesterday, I tried to put Brooklyn's coat on her.
"I don't wanna coat!" she screamed.
"You have to wear a coat. It's cold outside. It's snowing," I stupidly tried to reason with her.
"I don't want it!"
"Tough. Come here." I held up her coat and motioned for her to come put her arms in.
"NO!"
"Brooklyn..." I said in my warning tone.
"No! I don't wanna coat!"
I grabbed her and started stuffing her arms into the sleeves. As soon as I got her right arm in and moved onto the left, she pulled the right arm out. I jammed her right arm in and she pulled out the left arm.
"Brooklyn, knock it off!" I yelled. The kids were going to be late for school and here she was screaming and squirming around like I was torturing her.
This continued for a couple minutes until I lost it and swatted her butt. Of course, she didn't feel a thing because the stubborn girl still wears a diaper and probably will until she goes to high school. All it did was make her more mad and cause her scream even louder.
I ended up picking her up, her coat hanging from one arm, and carrying her kicking, flailing, wailing body out to the car. After a 5 minute wrestling match, I got her strapped into her car seat. She screamed her head off the whole way to school. On the bright side, her screaming distracted the other kids from fighting and calling each other names for once.
Then she screamed the whole way home. I unbuckled her and carrying her kicking, flailing, wailing body back inside. The minute I set her down, she kicked off her shoes, tore off her coat and ran back outside. It was 20 degrees and snowing. I let her sit there in the front porch for a minute thinking she'd snap out of it and come back inside immediately. I was wrong. Don't underestimate that girl's stubbornness.
Although I briefly considered letting someone call DCFS on me so they'd come take her away for a little while, I opted to drag her screaming butt back inside. Know what finally calmed her down? Bribing her with gum? Nope. Putting a movie on my little TV for her? Nope. Locking her in the girls' room? Nope. I didn't do any of those things. I picked her up, kissed her forehead and said. "I love you." She instantly stopped crying, looked at me, sniffed a couple times and said, "I love you more, more, more."
"Sheesh! That's all it took to calm you down??? Do you know this is why you're my last baby?"
"I not a baby!" came her indignant reply.
Oh great. Here we go again...
Thursday, January 8, 2009
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75 comments:
Wow, I posted a really similar scenario on my blog recently; http://majikfaerie.blogspot.com/2008/10/parenting-with-love.html
are you stalking me or have we stumbled on to a parenting secret here?
LOL
Maybe she just remembers that commenter last year who claimed it isn't safe to buckle kids into carseats with their winter coats on...
We had a similar battle over nap time today with our toddler who will be wearing nappies until highschool. It ended the same way, I was trying to calm both of us down by giving him a big cuddle in my bed and he softened straight away and we had an "i love you" match and both fell asleep cuddling. Although we were only cold because our air con was blasting away...
Kids just have a way of rearranging everything we thought was logical, huh?
Even reading this - and after some trying moments with my 2-year old...
I keep coming back to the family I've prayed for this past year. And I know Peggy would give anything to have C-Man back. So I am grateful for this time. My hair is quickly going grey, but I am so GRATEFUL for this "normalcy".
Are you peeping in the windows at my house, then writing about what you see as if it really happened to you?
:-)
Bev
I feel for you, I really do. It sounds like Brooklyn is a lot like my daughter (who is now almost 13). She through tantrums that just went on and on and could be set off by the slightest trigger. Fortunately, she grew out of them (by the time she was six). No one believes me now when I tell them what a holy terror she was as a small child. Hugs to you!
toooooooooo funny!!!!!!!! Things like this are why I have 2 and not three LOL and of course since mine are well one lived through the teen years the othe ris over half way.... and they are living... I dont envy you the teen years.... but blog fodder should abound! LOL
This sounds entirely too much like my son. Thank goodness it doesn't get all that cold here and I don't have to have this argument on a daily basis!
Dawn, I have a 3 yr old and last year she REFUSED to wear a coat (and sometime shoes). Even now she doesn't like wearing a coat. So, I've stopped forcing her. I ask her if she wants to put it on, tell her I'm cold and going to wear my coat and sometimes she wears it, sometimes she doesn't. Yeah, I get the occassional looks from people as we walk to the store (me all bundled up and her in no outerwear). But she's happy and I don't have to listen to the screaming. I figure if someone's going to call DCFS on a mom whose kid isn't wearing a coat THEY have bigger problems than me! Letting her not wear a coat is much better than the alternative of what I feel like doing while she's throwing a major tantrum in public! LOL! :)
Ah, yes...when all else fails... try the "love" word! I can so relate! When trying to organize everyone else, and, they are all cooperating, there is always someone to put a hiccup in the plan. Great recovery!
My daughter does the same exact thing! It just drives me crazy. Recently, she refused to let me put her coat on after a doctor's appointment. I restled with her in the waiting room for several minutes as the nurses snickered at my lack of parenting skills. I finally grabbed her by the arm and carried her outside with the coat in my hand. She began screaming in the parking lot for all to hear, "I want my coat on! I'm cold! Why can't I wear my coat?" Gotta love those moments =)
Sounds like my morning. Older son was tardy b/c younger son couldn't fine the "right" clothes for 30 minutes. What's he finally wearing? The same thing his Daddy suggested 30 minutes ago.
I hate those mornings! I think the last child is programed to be like that to constantly remind you WHY you are not having more kids. I have 3 and my youngest is a girl. I tell my husband all the time her and I are NOT going to get along at all once she is a teenage- she is 3 going on 13 with her attitude. I say the serenity prayer about 100 times a day!
Whew...she's a tough one! = )
Of course, your love exchange brought a tear to my eye. I've been feeling all emotional since yesterday when I read your re-posted blog about Coleman.
Your morning sounded like my afternoon yesterday. My little one is 3 and at daycare she started off really good she put her boots on by herself...then went off to play and I had to drag her over and hold her down while I put her coat on. She was a little brat all evening. The I love you works only for a few minutes....can't wait till 4!
My daughter was just like this when she was little. She is the second child and a redhead. Do I need to say more! There is hope though. She calmed down a lot when she was about 4. I am waiting to see the attitude surface again. I am starting to see it a little here and there. She is 8 now. I can only imagine how it will be when she is about 12 or 13! Hang in there!
~Shirley
Oh the joy of children. My 7 year old threw a major fit the other night (new years eve) she was fighting and lost the priveledge of seeing the ball drop. I had to hold her on my bed with my legs and arms wrapped around her....my husband was amazed at the fit she threw.....I reminded him that she used to do this when we first got married when she was three....she is just now on Medication and a little older so I haven't see it to this magnitude for years....hopefully it will be awhile again before I see it.
I love reading your blog because of stories like this one. I too have a very stubborn girl. She's the first born. I often wonder how we went on to have two more. Your blog always makes me feel better. I know that someone who is famous is going through the same things I am going through!
Sandra in Texas
My youngest (of 3) is now four years old, and by far the most stubborn. This sounds exactly like something we've been through before. (many, many, many times) Now she'll apologize later in the day for her screaming fits. Just out of the blue, she'll say "I'm sorry, Mama." when I ask "For what?" she'll say "For screaming."
That almost makes those fits not so bad....
How sweet! Course, you a better mom than me, because when mine act like that, I don't have the strength to humble myself and tell them that!! Well, I do, but I feel like I don't...
I need more coffee.
Kids keep things loud. My son decided he didn't want to wear a coat one day, so I told him, "Fine. Go on out." He thought he had won. He came back quickly, and found his coat all on his own. He's not quite as stubborn as Miss Brooklyn. My 3 year old daughter also has no interest in potty training. At what age do you push the issue?
omg, lol. Sorry. Nicole used to do that with her shoes. I would stuff her feet into them, and as i'm busy tying one she'd pull the other off. One day I'd had enough and took her to school shoeless. I put them in her backpack and by the time she came home she had them on. Have no clue what her preschool teacher said to her to get them on but oh well.
Well then! That lil stubborn girl just wanted some loving mommy! :)
Too cute & precious!
Thanks for sharing! I need to remember that next time things are tense between my daughter and I! Just stop everything else and tell her I love her! A simple gesture, easily forgotten in the moment!
We put my niece's coat on backwards when she wants to try to wiggle out. She usually can't get out of it that way!
Wow, sounds like she's given strong-willed a new name. That is what I said about one of ours. I took the kids to the dentist for their checkups once and she wouldn't open her mouth. She was probably three or so. (She had been several times before so it wasn't a first time thing.) I could have taken her to the car and spanked her, but it wouldn't have done any good whatsoever. Our very wise dentist said to just reschedule her appointment. Next time she did what she was supposed to. The positive thing is that it helped me not be so judgmental of those whose kids misbehaved. Hang in there!
Isn't that funny? I recently discovered the same thing with my last child who could be Brooklyn's twin. The hard part is you're so mad that it's not easy to give out hugs and kisses (at least for me). Our battle used to be shoes. He would scream all morning about wearing them and when forced would scream, jump up and down, fall down, roll around, hang on me, scream to be picked up, and etc. all the way down the street "walking" to school. What a scene. Then I finally would let him walk barefoot (socks were a problem, too) on the freezing or rocky sidewalk until he "learned" shoes were a better choice. I was proud of that solution because it kept me from getting so mad at him and he learned the consequence quickly. (of course we live in CA so not quite the same as snow). Anyway, he's now four and still a handful. It amazed me what a simple hug, kiss, and I love you accomplished during one of his outbreaks. What's that saying, "love conquers all".
I remember these days! And I only had one! At 37 he is still very stubborn...When he has children boy will he get paid back (I hope)----not.
Ok similar happened to me yesterday morning with my 2.5 yr old. She put her coat on fine but she kept laying on the floor and when you tried to pick her up to stand she wouldnt put her feet down. I am 5 months pregnant and it is not easy to struggle with her. After yelling and time outs, I finally got the strength to just pick her up and carry her out to the car. She didn't struggle but did scream all the way to daycare. The worst part was my husband just stood there dumbstruck the whole time except for telling me not to yell at her! UGH! We have the added challenge that she is speech delayed but has a very high comprehension level so she hears you but can't tell you what she thinks- wait maybe that isn't always bad!
Who understands what goes on in their little heads. It's sweet how it ended though. I am glad yours is giving you a hard time potty training too! Makes me feel like Im not alone.
lol.... the first part of the story had me sweating... at least thats what I di when my kids act like that... it takes everything right out of me and I usually feel lik eI just got done with a workout. The last.... so sweet ;)
That is so funny and oddly familiar. I have a very strong willed son who refuses to eat dinner and many other things. I think they refuse to do it only because we want them to do it!
This morning as we were running late getting the 6 year old to school, the 4 year old refused to remove his night time pull-up and put on a daytime pull-up (don't even get me started on a 4 year old who is not potty trained but stubborn, argh), so while he was throwing a fit about doing the things he does every morning such as, take off pj's, put on dry pull-up and clothes, get coat and shoes on and out the door.
So, while he was throwing a tantrum, he pulled his pants on over his night time pull-up and his pj bottoms but refused to put on socks and shoes and a coat.
Since we were indeed running late, I snatched him up, bare feet and all and out the door we went. Of course it isn't as cold here but he still hurt my back because naturally I had to carry his lame butt back inside barefoot.
Once back inside, he went on about his business of removing his sweat pants, removing his pj's, taking off wet pull-up, putting on dry pull-up, putting wet one in the trash, calmly asked me for a shirt because his was wet and I got him 2 shirts a t-shirt and a sweat shirt, put them both on the sofa. He wanted the t-shirt, I warned him it was still cool in the house. I DON"T CARE! BAH
In about 10 minutes he brings me the sweatshirt and asks where the front is.....
What the heck is this all about...the terrible two's were suppose to have ended at least a year ago...maybe 2...what is going on with him? argh
OMGoodness, I had a flashback! With my DS I started to use the Love & Logic (www.loveandlogic.com) approach. I let him choose whether he wears his coat or brings it with him (either way it comes along in the car IF he gets cold) but since he immediately takes his coat of the nanosecond he gets in the car it seems to make little difference if he wears it or not. I avoid the frustration of forcing him (and the subsequent meltdown) and we both seem a bit happier. :D
Oh how I love a good Brooklyn story! Plus it makes me feel better knowing that an experienced mom like you with 6 kids has the same problems I have ONE CHILD!
Horrible mother that I am, on the occasions that my kids threw major fits about their coats, I have zipped zipped them into their coat without putting their arms in the sleeves! They've always decided after a minute or two that they'll wear their coat nicely if I put it on right. I guess I'm lucky this was the result, because I couldn't have put them in car seats without their arms....they could have easily called my bluff.
Ah memories!
My only one is 17 now but when he would start to throw a fit like this I got down on the floor and kicked my feet and threw my arms around and screamed too. He looked at me like I was NUTS and quit throwing his fit...I was lucky, I didn't have too many fits like this!
What a wonderful post. One of my favorites! I'm so glad it came too after the sadness of Coleman's death. Just another reminder of the preciousness of life and the importance of remembering what is really important when it comes to our kids - the love. Thanks goodness for Brooklyn!!
I LOVE IT!!!!!!! But I bet if you try that first next time, it wont work!!
Potty training drove me up a wall for an entire summer when my daughter was 3.5. She absolutely refused to train. She knew when she had to go as she would run and hide behind her toy chest and wet or fill her diaper. If I managed to get her on the potty chair or toilet (I tried both) she wouldn't take care of her business, she'd just sit there. When she was let up, she would run behind her toy chest and do her job. It drove me CRAZY!
Then fall came and she went back to day care where she was the only one not trained. That day she trained (sometimes peer pressure is a good thing!) I'm serious, ONE DAY was all it took. She asked for underwear and that was it, she was trained. I can count on one hand the number of accidents (day or night) she's had in the 6+ years since then and most of the accidents occured when she had the stomach flu.
I have the same struggles with my 2 year old son about putting his pants on. The boy obviously wants to grow up and be a flasher since he loves to run around the house butt naked....which wouldn't be a big deal if he didn't insist on climbing up on the couch, throwing back the curtains and showing his noodle to anyone passing by.
I swear, it'll only be a matter of time before the city posts a "Beware of Flasher Baby" sign near my home....or I find a big box of toddler pants anonymously dropped on my doorstep as a subtle hint to clothe my kid's hiney!
Sounds like there is a whole gang of 2.5 - 4 year olds that aren't potty trained and throw fits. Should we schedule a play date and get them all together????
You are not alone, and I am not alone. What a comforting thought....
Mama said there'd be days like this!
OMG this sounds so much like my son Sawyer who is 4. For the past 2 weeks or so when I get him up for pre school he hates every frreaking thing I try and put on him. It has literally taken me and my 18 year old daughter in order to dress him then he takes evrtything off. Kadie drive him to school the other day and he took his shoes off and flung them at her head!!!!while she was driving.She drung him into class where he promptly turned into an angel. I have told his teacher of the was he acts and she told me that I can feel free to bring him to school in jammies and his clothes in backpack. She is an angel but I havent had the heart to do it.
Ah, Dawn. Brings back memories. My son, soon to be 16 and still obstinate by the way, doesn't like school. Has fought it since about age 10. There were multiple mornings when his backpack, his clothes, coat and boots, if appropriate, and HIS BODY got shoved out the door, into the garage, and the door locked. He had a choice. Either get dressed and down to the bus stop, or sit outside all day. A real inconvenience if it was winter.
He's 6 foot now. I can't do that, but it's still a battle most mornings. I refuse to call in for him anymore, unless I'm CONVINCED he's really sick. None of this " I don't feel good..."
And when he was younger, many times did I have to do the arms and legs wrapped around him dealy to control his tantrums. And forget about doing time-outs! He never stayed! Unless I was right there bear hugging him in the corner the whole time. Kinda defeats the purpose, eh?
I pray Brooklyn outgrows her attitude. Because it's nooo fun when it's still around at 16...
dawn from c-c-c-cold and snowy michigan
We use a car seat poncho to avoid the coat thing altogether. The thing is amazing, and people ask about it everywhere we go!
My first son always undressed right before it was time for daycare. One day I took him with no pants and just a blanket. I had the pants with me. He was in a hurry to get them on by the time we got there. I can soooo empathize. Why is the baby always the worst? My third one is such a fit thrower. Worse than the other two by a long shot.
Hang in there!
My niece, who has now made it to the grand old age of 20yrs, used to have very strong opinions on what she was willing to wear..... such as a summer dress on a cold winter day. My sister chose to have the "5 Minute Rule", where her daughter was allowed to dress herself, then had to stand on the balcony for 5 minutes to self-judge it's weather-appropriateness, at which point she was often seen dancing down the hallway towards her room to change her clothes for something more appropriate!
Rhonda
I'm thinking it's just a 'last child' syndrome b/c Claire is doing the same thing. It doesn't matter that she's only the 2nd, but she's the last, so she got the same memo as Brooklyn.
I've considered letting her out the front door. But those damn nosy neighbors...
Well, mine is potty trained (stubborn boy took until well after he was three, which I thought was bad, but I guess notsomuch, after reading the other comments today), but he has such a hair trigger than we can never tell what is going to set him off. When summer turned to fall, it was socks and shoes (he had been in velcro sandals all summer), then it became the coat, hat and gloves/mittens, and now it's pretty much a rotating, unpredicatable series of clothing items. Then there's dinner, what's in his lunch for school, who touched something in his room, who destroyed his lego creation, who came into his room when he had a bad dream, who didn't give him enough room in mom and dad's bed when he woke up much too early but didn't want to be in his room anymore...
Maybe the "I love you" will work next time. If only I have the patience to take a breath and try it...
~Laura
I had a "close call" with someone wanting to call DCFS on me a little before christmas. We were at wal mart and my 3 yr old little girl decided to have a screaming fit for no good reason. I tried to talk her out of it and it didnt work. I got more and more embarassed, so i took her to the restroom. We went in the big stall and i tried to talk to her some more. She was turning purple from screaming. When i asked what was wrong she said "nuffin" UGH! So finally i told her if she didnt shut up i was going to call Santa Claus and report her. She quieted immediately but yelled at me not to call Santa. And then started yelling NO NO NO. Someone in the next stall told me if I didnt knock it off she was going to report me. Excuse me? Since when is threatening to call Santa child abuse??? Its milder than time out!!! When we came out of the stall the woman was waiting. Stalker? She tried to talk to my daughter which resulted in the blood curdling scream starting again. I gave her "the look" and thanked her for her help and left carrying the purple high pitched screaming child out the doors.
I am oh so glad that I am not the only one with a tempermental, stubborn, incredibly sweet 2 year old!!
Oh. Well. We would *never* have a scene like that in *my* household. A stubborn little girl? Never! Mommy wins every battle. Actually, I take that back. There are no battles. Little Miss simply bows to my wishes with nary a murmur. HAHAHA! I make me laugh.
Good to know you found the magic cure though!
Aw Dawn, she was just trying to save you some time! I'm sure she was thinking, "Hummm, mommy always has to get coats on all of us every morning, maybe if I don't wear a coat today it will save some time and we can all be on our way to school in a snap."
Hee hee, yeah right!
I laugh now because I've fought the same battle.
Okay, that is the best story ever! I totally, feel for you! My four year old is a mini me and LOVES to show me why she is the last baby in our family, too!
You are a fabulous Mom!
Thank you for sharing your stories and life with us!
SHE IS PRECIOUS!!!!!
Dawn,
I can totally relate and et me tell you, it doesnt ever stop. Kindergarten, Middle School even High School. I have to tell my kids every day to wear a coat, even when it is 2 degrees outside. All I can get my older kids to wear is a hooded sweatshirt. They don't want to carry their coats around it their excuse.
My five year old, same thing, no hat..sometimes even won't wear snowpants to go sliding.
I see all these children out in the store all bundled up and wonder, "how do they get their kids to keep all that stuff on and I can't get my 2 year old to keep a hat on her head for more than 2 seconds?" Please when someone figures it out, let me know...(sigh).
Oiy, just love those stubborn little poppets. I swear it doesn't get any better the older they get either. I still have to tackle my teenager to wear warm clothes outside, especially in the rain, yet in the middle of summer he'll wear a sweatshirt. Go figure.
My (as of Wed) 3yo has been refusing to wear her coat. Or long sleeved shirts. Or pants. Nope, skirts and short sleeved shirts for her! I've gotten plenty of looks and comments, but I'm tired of the screaming and fights. Not worth it!
Ahh... The whole potty training issue. When my oldest was two I was convinced that the ease with which a child potty trained was directly related to the parenting skills of the mother. She of course trained easily. Then came the twins. One trained very easily and I was sure the other would be trained within a week or two of the other. Well.. a year later and I think we have finally conquered this monster and we probably wouldn't have if I hadn't just put her in underpants and just cleaned up a lot of messes. The goofy girl likes to pee and poop in her diaper. Even still when I put her in a diaper for nap and bed she fills it right away. Her twin can't stand one drop of pee in her night time pull up and wakes up in tears. This one on the other hand begged me the other day to please let her wear diapers. And we had to resort to punishment to get her to poop in the toilet. I know your not supposed to but its all that worked with her. I'm so sick of changing diapers and I've only been doing it for five years. At least we're down to just the baby in diapers for now.
Wow, I so have days like that. Only mine are with my middle child. Stubborn, is she stubborn. She has 4 generations of really stubborn in her! She drives me crazy with little stuff like that..putting her coat on cause it is like 10 below! GRR! But luckily know we live in Florida so its more like fights over where she last left her sunglasses!
"When you lose - don't lose the lesson!" what a wonderful loving way to handle a perfectly frustrating situation. Your daughter will bank that experience in her memory that even when you were the angriest at her you still hugged her and told her you loved her what a relationship builder!! Some day when she is a teen driving you crazy once again she'll remember --if nothing else the feeling of being unconditionally loved!
coach jamie
www.myparentingsource.com
Reason #42 my last "baby" was my last baby.
You just described the typical morning with my three year old!
I love reading your blog. It's like a peek into my own day only it happened to someone else this time. Thanks for letting us all know we aren't alone in this roller coaster ride called parenting. :D By the way, my 7 year old had a tantrum yesterday for this same reason. "I don't need my coat on, Mommy! I'm hot!" I gave in, but I did make him bring it with him...just in case.
This made me tear up a little! First for the memory of dealing with tantrums, and second for the way you resolved it. Beautiful.
I thought girls were supposed to be easier than boys to potty train? Or is that just something they tell moms of boys? Because my sweet baby girl has been much more difficult than her brother.
Dawn, I've been reading your blog for several months now and really love your honesty and sense of humor. You have inspired me to start my own blog where I can journal about my ongoing weight loss with honesty and hopefully some humor. Thank You!
www.thistimeimready.blogspot.com
I think I might have to go through my house to find all the cameras that you've hidden.
unless you pushed her outside and locked the door (emotional maltreatment) and then she wandered around without you knowing what was she was doing (failure to supervise) doesn't sound like abuse to me (child welfare attorney) :) sounds like another fun day in your home! :) my son is 14 months old and wow, he's started that straighten his body so I can't put him in his car seat thing...wow, that's aggravating...
I feel your pain.
Hang in there, Dawn. The stubbornness you see in her today will become tomorrow's strength, and she'll be the young woman who stands firm or continues forward when everyone else runs away. My daughter would pull away and kick a fit screaming "me do it!" all the way to anywhere we went at age 2-5/6 years, but by 12 she was the kid that did the right thing when all the other kids were breaking every rule. Needless to say, she wasn't very popular, but she didn't care. And as her friends matured, they came to her for advice and guidance. She wasn't a saint (well, actually she was, our last name was St.Clair) just strong minded and firm in her faith. I love the way you handled it, hugs are the best! ;)
Save this for a chapter in your third book. It's an excellent one! xo
Just like you're an excellent mom. No matter what DCFS says! LOL
One of my boys refused to let me get him dresses on morning when he was around 3. I took him out to the car in a diaper and t-shirt. It was below freezing. He started screaming that he was cold. When I asked if he would let me put his clothes on now, he said yes and let me get him dresses. The next time I told him it was cold outside, he believed me. :)
I have read other posts before that remind me of my son who has Sensory Integration disorder. He never feels cold, wears his "skiv jams" around the house and I could go on about clothes and many other things related to his senses (or lack there-of at times). I don't allow his disorder to be an excuse for bad behavior but like you did with Brooklyn sometimes they need to be "re-set" by just being held or kissed. Understanding why he act this way helps me to think through the situation better and not feel like a bad mom. Strong- willed is fun, huh?
I have wondered if I can ask a neighbor to call DCFS on me. I just need a break some days, and by the time they realize that I am not abusing these kids, i should have had a nice break!
Oh the joys of little girls. Our youngest is the same way, she is three. I sure hope they grow out of it soon.
Thanks for the fun posts!
Stacey
:)
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