33 More Shopping Days Until Christmas

Mmmmmm, mmmmm good. I'm sitting here feeling like I'm going to throw up because I just had to take a second helping tonight. (I'll have pictures and more about Thanksgiving tomorrow.) After dinner, I spread out dozens of flyers and planned my strategy for hitting all the sales tomorrow. Actually, I'm only planning on hitting one or two stores in the morning. I bet about half of you think I'm insane for even considering going out into the crowds to get a deal. You're right. It takes a good dose of insanity to battle all the lines and crowds and craziness. Yet there's something fun and exciting about those after-Thanksgiving sales. The years I've gone in the past were filled with a kind of excitement. The people I encountered were friendly. Christmas music pumped through the store's speakers. I walked through the crowds of people juggling winter coats and packages while I sipped eggnog flavored coffee and thought about the upcoming festivities - decorating the tree, wrapping presents, having people over for dinner, baking Christmas cookies with my kids. I have good memories of this time.

Last year I sent my husband on the black Friday mission. He did not fare so well. There were awful traffic and parking problems. He ran into people who were greedy for the last toy. They were so anxious to get down the aisle that they didn't care about plowing their carts into other shoppers. He stood in long lines only to discover the item he was looking for was sold out after waiting an hour to get to the front. He came home empty handed after hours of frustration. He will definitely not be going again. I think I'm going to finish my shopping from catalogs.

'Tis the season for catalogs. Lots and lots of catalogs. I get about a dozen catalogs a day this time of year. I hadn't had time to look at them, but I just couldn't bring myself to recycle them either, so I'd been piling them up, fully convinced I'd get to them "eventually". When the stack of books hit my ceiling last night, I finally took the time to look through them. While perusing the holiday gift giving offerings in these books, I marveled at the many items that were actually for sale. I contemplated the kind of person who invented said items. I wondered how a company could think, "This is a great idea! Let's market it." I tried to envision the kind of person who would buy such items. And then I ran to my computer to compile, for you, my devoted readers, a top ten list of gifts you don't want to give (or receive) this holiday season.
10. Aqua Friends Bath thermometer - This handy gadget warns you with a flashing light when the bath is too warm. It's a good thing we have this marvelous invention now. How ever did generations of parents manage to bathe their children without scalding them before this nifty thermometer came along? Oh yeah, we put our hands in the water to make sure it wasn't too hot!



9. Butthead Game - What could be more fun than strapping on a velcro covered hat with a buddy and throwing balls at each other's head? I think the name says it all. And check out that kid's expression! This is what will happen to you after having balls thrown at your head for an hour.

8. Dog Doo Candle - It's a candle that looks like a pile of dog poop. Nothing warms your home on a rainy day like the smell of a dog poop candle flickering in the evening. Ahhhh home sweet home.

7. Foam Party Machine - You pour baby shampoo in and this machine spits foam out all over your house. It's almost as much fun as a broken washing machine loaded with an entire bottle of detergent! For those times when your kids don't make a big enough mess on their own, help them out with the Foam Party Machine. "Makes oceans of foam... use it indoors or out."
6. Airheads - It's a propeller that you lick and stick to your head. Its blades spin in the breeze. Why, you ask? I have no idea, but it's on sale and for only $3.48 you can look like an idiot.




5. Bug Listener - It's a microphone so you can listen in on bug's conversations. What do you suppose bugs say to each other? "OK, everyone understand the plan? We're marching into the house tonight and taking everything in the pantry with us. No prisoners! Ready ants? Go!" Or maybe, "Hey Mosquito Fred! How's it going? Have you tried the little red head's blood? It's De-Lish!"


4 1/2. Twirling Spaghetti Fork - It's a motorized fork that spins around. This is the perfect gift for the pasta lover on your list who is also too lazy to move his fork! Maybe next year they'll invent a fork that actually moves to your mouth by itself too.

4. Slingshot Flying Chicken - It's a slingshot! It's a chicken! It's both! What could be more fun than a flying chicken? I can't think of anything! Fling a chicken across the house, into the yard, or at innocent passersby! Fun for the whole family!


3. Farting Salt and Pepper - That's right. Salt and Pepper shakers that make farting sounds when you use them. Nothing says, "please pass the beans" like the sound of flatulance.

2. The Mathematics Calendar 2008 - There's a math problem to be solved every day in this calendar. For the love of God, WHY?!

1. The Mangroomer - It's a do-it-yourself, electric back-hair shaver. Need I say more?