If This is Correct, Say Yes

I didn't post last night because I couldn't get an internet connection until 11:00 pm and I was too ticked off to write.

Something happened to my router. Or maybe it was my DSL. Or something. Anyway, I couldn't get online. I learned something about myself when I couldn't get online. I have an addiction. When I couldn't log on, I started hyperventilating, freaking out that I was missing ...I don't even know what I was missing, but I was sure I was missing SOMETHING! Something big and important and terribly exciting! My heart was beating 200 times a minute and I started twitching. I, the person who used to say that computers were evil, was going through withdrawal because I couldn't connect to the cyberworld.

Anyway, that wasn't even the frustrating part. The mind-numbing, maddening, irritating, aggravating, annoying, exasperating, infuriating, riling, troubling, trying, vexatious (thank you thesaurs.com) part of my little extravaganza tonight was the two hours I spent on the phone in a maze of voice menus. TWO HOURS!

Welcome to AT&T.
For Spanish blah blah blah numero uno.
I see you're calling from xxx-xxx-xxxx. Is that the phone number listed on your AT&T account?

ME: Yes.

Thanks. I'll just look that up. Now, in a few words please say the purpose of your call. You can say things like "I want to pay my bill", or "I want new phone service." To speak to a service representative, say "agent".

ME: I can't get online.

It sounds like you'd like to make a payment. Is that correct?

ME: Umm no. Duh. I have internet problems.

Lets try this another way. If you're calling about payments, say "payments".

ME: NO! Not payments. Internet service!

OK which service needs repair, phone, internet, tv, or none of those?

ME: INTERNET!!!

I think you said you're calling to repair your dial up service. If this is correct, say "yes".

ME: YES!

My mistake. Please say one of the following: phone, internet, tv...

ME: INTERNET! It's always been internet. It's still internet!

To get you to the right place, I need to know where you're calling from. Are you calling from the same number as your high speed internet line?

ME: Yeah.

I think you said, "phone services." If this is correct, say "Yes".

ME: NO!

To get you to the right place, I need to know where you're calling from. Are you calling from the same number as your high speed internet line?

ME: YES!

Just a moment while I look up your account.

ME: You do that. @@

I'm sorry, I do not understand. Let's try this another way.
To get you to the right place, I need to know where you're calling from. Are you calling from the same number as your high speed internet line?

ME: YES!

Main menu: please say the option that best describes the issue you're calling about. For set up, password or connectivity issues, please say "tech. support". For billing questions or account services, say "billing". To hear these options again, you can say "repeat".

ME: GRRRRRRRR!!! You've got to be kidding me!

I'm sorry. I did not understand. If you're having problems with your high speed internet and would like tech support, say "yes".

ME: I'm having problems with this stupid voice menu! Can I talk to an actual person? Do you have any of those there???

It sounds like you want to pay your bill. Is this correct?

At this point, I whipped the phone across the room and grabbed a beer.

I tried calling the customer service line for my router, thinking that maybe someone there could help me. I was on hold for 42 minutes. That's not an exaggeration. FORTY-TWO MINUTES! I heard Rhapsody in Blue, Moonlight Sonata, Beethoven's Fifth, Barcarolle, William Tell Overature, and Danse Macabre. I started having flashbacks of piano lessons as a child. I never did talk to anyone there.

I tried AT&T two more times and each time, after navigating their system for several minutes, I finally got through to an actual person. Of course, when I finally got a person on the phone, they didn't speak English! I guess they might technically have been speaking English, but it was so broken that it might as well have been Greek or Ubbi Dubbi. Why? Why is this? And why do these people act so annoyed that you're bothering them with your obviously stupid questions? Where's the customer service? From the cashier at the grocery store, to the floor help at the clothing store, to the customer service rep. on the other end of the phone, more often than not I encounter someone rude, annoyed, or seemingly bored. What, can no one smile? Can nobody be helpful? Can't anyone at least pretend to care about your needs?

It's so rare to find a person who will not only help you with a smile, but who will go out of their way to give excellent customer service. Whenever I encounter such a person, I make sure to let them know how much I appreciate their help. I also try to find a manager so I can praise the employee that took the time and effort to give great service.

Anyway, at 8:30, I completely gave up, ran out to Circuit City in a blizzard, hoping to get there before they closed, and bought a new router. Voila! Problem fixed. I got back online at 11:00 pm.

It's been a fun two days here. I also learned that my oldest son hasn't turned in numerous assignments at school. He's grounded until the second coming. Today my youngest son, who has been totally potty trained for over a year, decided to poop in the garbage can. Why? Why do they do things like this? For the love of all that is Holy, WHY??? I made him dump it out into a garbage bag. Then, apparently offended by the stench of his own poop, he figured he'd spray some air freshener around. Unfortunately he grabbed a can of lemon-fresh Pledge instead. He sprayed furniture polish into the air and it landed in a waxy coat on the laminate floors. They are now more slippery than the streets outside (which are really slippery because we just got another 5 feet of snow here.)

Speaking of snow - the kids had a snow day today oh joy. Austin and Savannah went outside and instead of building a fort, they made a snowmom and 6 snow babies. Great, right? However, they used my husband's car jack to lift the middle snowball up so they could situate it on top of the bottom ball. My husband was less than thrilled with this.

It's still snowing here. What are the chances they'll go back to school tomorrow? What are the chances I'll stay sane if they don't?

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Edited to add - a lot of people have written to tell me that they aren't getting notification from Blogarithm when I've posted. Some people have said that they only get 2 or 3 updates a week. I don't know why this is happening, but I added (actually Angie added) a Feedburner button right above the Blogarithm one. I guess you can just subscribe there to get updates when I create a new entry.
Also, I was nominated for some blog awards. I put the buttons for those along the right side of this blog. If your have the time or inclination, you can vote for my blog in any or all of the categories.
Thank you!

Looking for Peace and Quiet

So, I decided to try out the wonderful portability of my laptop. I sneaked out of the house tonight and went to Panera (where they have free WiFi) to do some writing in relative peace and quiet. I walked in, ordered up a nice big chai tea latte, and sat down to write. Now really, why do I even need internet access if I'm writing? All I need is a Word document, right? But no, the way I write is - write one page, then IM someone. Write a few more sentences then play a game (or twelve) of solitaire. Write another paragraph and then see if my friends want to play Canasta for an hour or two. Yep, I get a lot of writing done that way.

So anyway, I'm sitting here at Panera and behind me is a table of like 400 teenagers. At least that's how it sounds. Who'dve thunk that Panera was a teen hang-out? They're all talking really loudly to make sure that everyone can hear how cool they are. After all, they're teenagers and they know everything, of course. I mean, I knew everything when I was a teenager. I knew everything and my parents were decidedly stupid. I'm not sure when that changed, but my parents have actually become pretty smart now. Wise, even. I, on the other hand, have lost intelligence daily since my kids were born. Just yesterday, my son informed me that I was wrong and that 25 degrees is not cold. It's warm, he corrected me when I told him to put on a coat so he wouldn't be cold. I used to know this stuff.

Or like this morning when Clay was on all fours kind of walking around on top of the toy box. He said, "Mom, what am I?"
I replied, "You're silly."
"Noooo! Mooom! I'm not silly! I'm a dancing pig!"
Well, of course you are. I guess I'm the silly one.

So anyway, my reason for getting out was to
1. try out my laptop and be all cool-like sitting here typing away in this restaurant, and
2. get away from the noise and interuptions and distractions in my house.

However, as I pulled into the parking lot, my cell phone rang.
"Mom, I was playing on Webkinz and now I can't click on anything. What do I do?"

So much for getting away.

I sat down and started typing and before I'd even finished my first paragraph, an IM popped up.
"Hi Mom. "Whatcha doing?"

Would it be bad to log off and ignore them?

Five minutes later, another IM...
"Mom, how do you turn the computer off? This game isn't working right."

Meanwhile, 800 more teenagers have showed up here. I think it's time to pack up and go back home. Either there or to the airport. ;)

P.S. I just realized that tomorrow is December! Eeeeeee!