Thursday, April 6, 2017

Why Voice-to-Text is Dangerous

I use the "voice-to-text" feature on my phone all the time. I've gotten to the point where I rarely type out messages anymore because -


The problem with using voice-to-text is

1.  My phone likes to change what I say causing aggravation and embarrassment, like the time I asked my boss about the guy she hired. I dictated, "Does the new teacher have with-it-ness." (With-it-ness might technically not be a word, but it should be. It means one who is with it.) Unfortunately my phone changed it to this, "Does the new teacher have wet hotness?" See what I mean? Embarrassing. (By-the-way, he did not have wet hotness. Or withitness, if I remember correctly.)

2. Sometimes it doesn't record at all. For some reason, oftentimes when I push the little microphone icon and start talking, my phone stops recording after a word or two. I have no idea why. After doing this two or three times in a row, I become frustrated and usually rant, "You stupid piece of poop!" This is generally when my phone decides to start recording again. I have had to explain, more than once, to someone why I just called them a stupid piece of poop.

3.  My kids make fun of me for being old. Apparently, saving time by using voice-to-text is right up there with bifocals, Depends, and the early-bird special at Denny's. According to Austin, only old people who can't see "those darn buttons" use it. Punk.

4.  After using voice-to-text for years, I've developed the habit of maybe, occasionally, sometimes, sort of talking to individuals in person as if I was dictating into my phone. I may have possibly said, "Hi exclamation point." And maybe once or twice, I asked someone, "How are you today question mark." I may have said to someone, "Hi comma Brooklyn. Did you have a good day question mark."

5.  My kids and I like to play a game entitled "Bluetooth or Crazy" wherein we guess if a person is talking to someone on their bluetooth device, or if they're just crazy, holding a conversation with an imaginary friend, a crack in the sidewalk, or their turkey sandwich. I'm afraid, while using voice-to-text, I may have been the subject of that game for someone else.

6.  Sometimes people overhear you dictating into your phone and they wonder about your sanity. I was texting Lexi, Clay, and Brooklyn as I walked out of a store. I said into my phone, "Do you guys want to help me build my poop army tonight?" I was 
referring to the "number two" pencils I was making for school. The cute guy I passed as I walked out of the store, did not know this, however. I wish I could describe the look he gave me. (Shocking I'm still single, isn't it?)


Anonymous said...

So glad to see you blogging again!

Sharlyn said...

Love it!

Cindy said...

This was awesome!!

Ernie said...

I love the poop pencils. I have 6 kids too. 4 boys, 2 girls. I have had issues with voice to text too. My worst issue was a butt text that I sent to a friend whose kids were playing at my house. She knows I have a crazy neighbor - yet she still lets her kids play here. Anyway, I texted something with the words, 'I'll kill' in it. Shocking that she didn't race right over and get her kids fearing that the neighbor feud had exploded.

Vanessa T said...

Oh my gosh, I'm dying from laughter over here! This is so funny Dawn! It's good to see you blogging again! :)

Janice said...

Ha, in Florida in some restaurants 2 for 1 specials mean 2 glasses of wine for one it.

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