10 Crucial Questions Your Future Husband MUST Be Able To Answer

Twenty-two years ago, I married the first guy who came along. There were several warning signs that it probably wasn't the best plan I've ever had. My friends and family all tried to talk me out of it. I didn't listen. What can I say? I was young, stubborn, and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Fast forward. I've been divorced about 5 years now. Sometimes I think about getting remarried but then the thought of sharing a bathroom with someone again makes me a little twitchy. One thing's for sure, though: If I ever DO get remarried, I will be much more picky, er, um, selective this time around. Any possible future husband of mine will need to be able to answer these 10 questions if he wants to put a ring on my finger. Yes, I'm fully aware this may mean I spend the rest of my days alone and that's okay because I have a back-up plan for such a scenario: I'll adopt cats, many, many cats to keep me company and I'll spend my days in my bathrobe, eating Ben & Jerry's from the carton and washing it down with rum. I call it my Cat Plan. But I digress. Let's get to the questions my future husband needs to answer:

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Will My Divorce Scar My Kids For Life?

“In all my years of practice I have never heard of a parent saying that they didn’t want custody of their kids. Parents spend thousands of dollars fighting for custody.” My lawyer shook his head in shocked disbelief. My husband had declined my offer of joint custody and refused to sign the divorce papers until the wording was changed, giving me sole custody of our 6 children.

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Win a Trip to See Garth Brooks Live From Game-Changing GhostTunes

I've never been a big fan of iTunes. For all of Apple's awesomeness and ease-of-use, iTunes has always left me confused and angry. When I was asked to try out GhostTunes, a new, full-service music platform, I agreed, hoping it was more user-friendly than other music sites I've tried. GhostTunes was founded by Garth Brooks, who has, up until now, notoriously held out on working with iTunes and other digital platforms to sell his music, believing that the artist gets cheated by selling music in that fashion. He has held firm to the idea that albums should be sold as a collective work and selling songs individually is akin to selling individual chapters of a book. As an author, I can respect that. GhostTunes is a different platform in that it lets the artist decide how they'd like to sell their work. They can sell albums, individual singles, or bundles of work with special prices. 

I love that GhostTunes is super-simple and easy to use. Browse your favorite artists across all genres of music, listen to samples of songs, purchase individual songs, or buy entire albums or special bundles, then download your music to all your devices, and/or listen to your purchased music on the GhostTunes site. Although the GhostTunes site is simple to use, Apple devices require you to download the music to your iTunes library, then sync your device which is a pain and kinda defeats the purpose of using a simpler music platform (thanks Apple!) Still, I do like the ease of use, the choices it gives artists, and the availability of zillions of songs on GhostTunes. Check it out for yourself at GhostTunes.com. 

Now, to celebrate the debut of Garth's new single Mom, GhostTunes is offering one lucky mom and a guest the opportunity to see Garth live in concert, complete with hotel and airfare! For more information and to enter the contest, visit HERE. It would be so cool if one of my readers won! And if you felt the need to bring me along as your guest, hint hint, I wouldn't object.

Oh and you've got to hear the song! You know how country music tells a story and either makes you laugh (Joe Nichols' Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off) or cry (Tim McGraw's If You’re Reading This.) Yeah well, Garth Brook's new song Mom falls into the second category. Like all of you, I wear many hats. I'm a daughter, a sister, a friend, an educator, a writer, and a dreamer, among others. But being a mom is the best job I could ever, ever have! Being entrusted to raise my 6 little bundles of joy (even if some of those "bundles" are over 6 feet tall now) is an awesome and amazing privilege. All the diaper changes, the sleepless nights, the messes, the ruined furniture and the expense is worth it when one of my kids comes to me for advice, or just gives me a hug out of nowhere, or sends me a text with a joke that made them think of me, or does something good for someone else without being prompted. As much as I want to keep them little, it warms my heart to see them growing up into good, kind, responsible adults. Check out a preview of Mom on GhostTunes HERE.

Disclaimer: Compensation was provided by GhostTunes via MomTrends. The opinions expressed herein are those of the author and are not indicative of the opinions of Ghost Tunes or MomTrends. 

BEWARE! If Your Man Does These 15 Things, He's Majorly Insecure

He picks you up, presents you with roses, opens your door, takes you to an elegant restaurant, and endlessly compliments you throughout the night. He repeatedly tells you, his voice laced with incredulous wonder, that he can't believe you actually agreed to go out with him since you are so far out of his league. He treats you like a princess and let's face it, it's flattering. It's a refreshing change to feel so appreciated, especially if you've dated a few self-absorbed, insensitive jerks in the past. You begin to think that maybe he's "the one." But then things head south. His sweet attentiveness turns to overwhelming obsession. It no longer feels like he treasures and cherishes you; it feels like overbearing possessiveness. Suddenly it seems to take all your energy to assure (and reassure and reassure again) your man that you love him. It's sucking the life out of you.

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The Fanciest Icing You’ll Ever Create

Spicy, warm, aromatic gingerbread cookies are my favorite to bake over Christmas. Not only are they delicious, but they’re fun to decorate too. Whenever I make gingerbread, I cut out several shapes for my kids to decorate. They love squirting icing and sticking candy to personify their gingerbread men. Of course, the also love biting off their limbs and applying red icing "blood" to turn them into zombies. What can I say? My kids are weird. 

I also stamp out a few cookies for myself to decorate with more refined designs. I use royal icing to decorate my cookies. It’s easy to make and use, long-lasting, dries hard, and is a sweet complement to the tangy spice of gingerbread. 

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What I've Learned About Dating as a Middle-Aged Mom of Six

I’ve jumped into the dating pool a time or two in the past few years, but then I always remember that scene from Jaws and I quickly escape before I lose a limb. I’ve been on my own with my kids for five years now. We’ve certainly had our ups and downs. There have been times when I thought I’d really (I mean, really) like to get remarried just so I’d have a second pair of hands to help me out. It would be great to have two incomes for one set of bills. I’d like to enjoy some “adult time” with someone I love. Then again, there have been times when I have insisted that I don’t need a man; I can take care of everything on my own thankyouverymuch. I don’t need to share a bathroom with a man who leaves the seat up. I don’t want to have to pretend to like my in-laws again.

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Because Nothing Says Christmas Like an Ice-Skating Elephant in a Dress

When I was in Chicago last week, I spied a Christmas store while walking around Woodfield Mall. Being in the Christmas spirit, I insisted we go in and look around. There's just something about red and green decorations, shimmering lights, iridescent snowflakes, silver and gold strands of sparkly-ness, elegant nutcrackers, whimsical elves, delicate angels, and jolly Santas that put you in a festive mood. When I left the store, however, I was surprisingly no longer filled with Christmas cheerfulness. Nope, I was left shaking my head and muttering, dumbfounded, "What the crap was that?" I think I've been scarred for life. I'll show you why . . .

I'd love to get inside the head of the guy who said, "Let's take a woman with an old fashioned dress and ice skates, then swap out her head for that of an elephant! Yes! We'll sell millions!"

When I think of the holidays, the first thing that pops into my head is a dapper lion dressed in top hat, waist coat, and spats. It's a shame he forgot his pants since that would have disguised his seemingly dislocated knee.

When I first saw this little fellow, I fondly thought, "Aaaaeeeiggghhhhyyyeeauuuccchhhh!" (I think that's how you spell the noise I made.) As if a bald monkey in pantaloons isn't creepy enough, look at the price tag! For the bargain price of only $239.95 you too could own this disturbing freak of nature.

Merry Mardi Christmas Gras!

 "Since the ice-skating eleph-woman was such a hit, how 'bout we do this? We'll take a bag with a drawstring and slap a lion's head on top of it! It's brilliant!"

I have no words.

"Hmmmm, how to outdo the ice-skating eleph-woman and the lion-head baggy? What to do, what to do? Eureka! I've got it! A peanut! On a winking monkey head! Atop a spring! Yes, a monkey-in-a-box with a peanut balanced on his head. (I'm pretty sure this is what happened to Sid from Toy Story when he grew up. He became a Christmas ornament maker.)

Hey look, kids! It's the traditional clown riding a pig ornament!

It's a mermaid! It's a mouse! It's a mermaid! It's a mouse! With her hand-in-the-air, sassy attitude, who cares? She can totally pull off the Carassius Mus thing.

For those who just can't get over the disappointment of Halloween being over - it's a whole Mariachi band of skeletons! Feliz Navidad!

"You know what people love? Things on sticks! Popsicles! Corndogs! Lollipops! Shish-ka-bobs! Who could resist a baby head on a stick?"

Hey look! It's the Church Lady! On a stick! Now isn't that special?

Yep, apparently you can put any ole thing on a stick and sell it as a Christmas decoration.

"Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas from Phil Robertson, er, um, I mean Santa. Yep, I'm Santa. And no, you can't have my Red Ryder BB gun or you'll shoot your eye out, kid."

Oh look! It's another Sid creation. A hat. On a bear. On a fish. On a spring. Yep, that says Merry Christmas to me!

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two Victorian cats . . .

It's a rooster! Er, a hen. Hmmm, the large comb and bright plumage suggest it's a male. The eggs, high heels, and pearls, suggest it's a female. Let's just call it the sexually confused holiday chicken, okay? (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Now, I ask you, who wouldn't love a dance hall pig from a wild west saloon adorning their mantlepiece during this blessed season?

Oh dear Lord, I need a therapy now!

Okay, let's take inventory here. It's a frog. With a fur cape. And charming boots. Holding an engagement ring. Yep, it has all the properties of a classic yuletide trinket.

Christmas is the time for those famous delicacies: gingerbread, eggnog, fruitcake, candy canes, and pastrami on rye

Oh my gosh! Jackalopes DO exist!

 And finally, The Elf on the Shelf after a hard night of drinking.