Friday, August 20, 2010

The Word is BENIGN!

I'm still too nauseous and dizzy to drive so I asked my parents to drive me to my appointment this morning. They'd already committed to babysitting my sister's kids so they split up. My mom asked my dad, "Where do you want to go?" He weighed the options - chase my sister's 3-year-old and change the baby's diapers or drive me to the doctor. So, my dad showed up to take me to the doctor which is a good thing because my dad hates mornings as much as I do. See, my mom is a morning person and if she had taken me, she would've chattered the whole way there until I wanted to jump out of the car. My dad, on the other hand, knows that no person should ever talk in the morning.

So I went in the room and the nurse asked me a bunch of questions like, "Why are you here?" And the ever-popular, "What's the date of your last menstrual period?" Then she said, "And you have three girls and three boys? I see your husband had a vasectomy." I quickly told her, "I'm divorced." Then she asked, "So what are you doing for birth control?" I looked at her. "Ummm, I'm using the fact that I'm divorced and have six kids as birth control. It's working like a charm."
She had me strip from the waist down. I carefully hid my underwear in my jeans and took a seat up on the table with my plush paper blanket arranged around my bare butt so when the doctor walked in, she wouldn't know that I was half-naked.

The doctor walked in, chatted with me, then took a look at the hospital report with the CT findings which had been faxed over. Honestly, I don't even remember what exactly she said. All I heard was the word "benign". I wanted to breathe a sigh of relief, but instead, I drilled her. "How do you know it's benign? Did the report say that? Are you sure? Don't you need to do some tests or something? But are you sure? How are you sure?"

She told me it was an ugly tumor called a benign cystic teratoma. She said, "It's a really strange, ugly tumor. It has hair and teeth."

I kind of laughed because I thought that was just an expression - it has hair and teeth. You know, a way of saying it's ugly. Nope. It has hair and teeth. She showed me a picture. I gagged. I have an alien tumor in my body! Sooo sick! I kept thinking of the scene in My Big Fat Greek Wedding when Aunt Voula says, "Now, you are family. Okay. All my life, I had a lump at the back of my neck, right here. Always, a lump. Then I started menopause and the lump got bigger from the "hormonees." It started to grow. So I go to the doctor, and he did the bio... the b... the... the bios... the... b... the "bobopsy." Inside the lump he found teeth and a spinal cord. Yes. Inside the lump was my twin."

So, I get to have surgery to have my ovary and the alien tumor removed. I won't be scheduling the surgery until the diverticulitis is all cleared up (another 6-8 weeks).

She never did do an exam, so basically I just sat there, chatting with the doctor while half-naked for no apparent reason. Yeah.

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53 comments:

Merany :) said...

Atleast it's benign! :) My mom had one of those and after they removed it they showed it to us! Freaky stuff! But it was no big deal after that. :) You'll be fine! :)

Tricia said...

Wow! That's great and SO weird! I hope you feel better and the surgery goes smoothly.

Tinagsmarykay said...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} soooo glad its benign!!! Hair, teeth, a rear end or big toe - it's benign & will be removed!! Big sigh of relief!

Laura said...

Why do we all hide our underwear in our clothes when we go to those appointments? It's not like they don't know we were wearing it!

Seriously, though, I'm so glad you're all right; I've been sending you good thoughts all day. Enjoy your weekend!

zig said...

i'm so glad that everything is ok!

Jen said...

When you mentioned it earlier about the "hair and teeth", I instantly thought of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. LOVE that movie.. but anyway..

I'm glad that it's just benign. We're still praying for you sweetie. That you get some relief and things start to heal. Need anything, just let us know, ok? (hugs) <3

Diana said...

Do you CARE that you didn't get the pelvic? I mean, I would have stood up, air fist pumped and yelled "BONUS"
Seriously, You will be fine. Benign is a great word. Get well soon.

Carol said...

What a relief! I am so happy for you. I hope your diverticulitis clears up soon and you are feeling better each day.

Now if I could only get the vision of hair and teeth out of my head!

steffiej said...

I'm SO glad you found out it's benign. I had a similiar scare three years ago with a benign tumor in my breast. Same words, "large mass", sent me reeling, panic attack, tears, etc. I had to laugh when you used the Greek Wedding reference, that's one of my favorite scenes, Ha!
Now I hope the meds kick in and you start feeling better really soon!!
Take care,
Stephanie J.

Lia said...

Excellent news! Glad they were able to tell you so fast so you don't have to worry too much.

Did you know that the word teratoma is from the Greek? there you go.

Sorry, had to do it. I love Voula and Gus.

Golden To Silver Val said...

Thank God, Dawn. I've been worrying right along with you. God Bless!

Jen said...

My son had a hair/tooth tumor in his brow bone and had it removed when he was 13 months old. So happy you're fine...and his operation went perfectly perfect!

Spuds said...

It's nice being able to exhale now. Im glad it was "benign" news. As for the trick to riding with a morning person... roll. Yup, be sure to hit the ground rolling when you jump out of the car. It really is good news for you today, though! And you got to have the bonus "naked discussion". A two-fer!

Krys72599 said...

Hey, if I have to sit in the doctor's office 1/2-naked, hiding under a slightly over-sized paper towel to hear him tell me I'm okay, out of the way! I'm going to be first on line!!!
SO glad you're okay!

Beth in MI said...

YAY! YAY! YAY! (And, yes, I too immediately thought of the MBFGW scene. LOVE that movie!)

And, YAY! YAY! YAY!

Big hugs!!!!!

Linda said...

AMEN!! Wonderful news, Dawn! I had to google it. I had to.

Sharon said...

I'm so glad that you got happy news.

hildigunnur said...

Whew! glad to hear!

Kristine said...

Yay! Thank goodness. Now feel better soon!

Donna said...

I am very relieved you got the good news and didn't have to wait weeks to find this out.
Prayer is very powerful !!!!!

Now, I hope that darn diverticulitis starts getting better too.
Soon you will be feeling back to normal. Just take it all one day at a time and know that we are all praying for you .....

Big Hugs, Donna - Indiana

Bailey's Leaf said...

Shoot, I would have been willing to sit half-dressed in paper to hear the sweet word of BENIGN.

With hair and teeth, just think of what your children could do with that. Will you be bringing it home in a jar for them? ;S I'm sure that one will ask. We should take bets to see which one will ask first. My money is on Clay.

What a wonderful answer to prayer!

Robin said...

It could have a mullet & need braces......I don't care!! It's BENIGN!!! SO glad to hear that news!!
However, I can't believe it'll take another 6 - 8 weeks for the diverticulitis to clear up! Not on a liquid diet that whole time I hope!?!?

Robin said...

Yep...I just HAD to google it! It looks like something a cat threw up!! And you had NO idea that was there?!?! No pain? Nothin'?!? So it's just grown since you had Brooklyn or your gyno would have noticed right? Crazy!

Sarah said...

Praise God it's benign! :)

My Mom had one of those tumors (softball sized) growing right next to my baby brother while she was prego with him. Thankfully both she and he were fine.

Hope you will feel better soon! :)

pmerry said...

YAY!!! Well, not yay, you have to have surgery, but Yay it is benign. You are so brave to put yourself out there like this. We're all pulling for you.

rmslil said...

Glad to hear it was not cancerous.

KMC said...

I'm so so so glad it is benign and can just be removed. I have been thinking about you and hoping it was nothing serious.

jennifernm said...

So glad to hear the news!
I wanted to tell you that many years ago my mom had very intense abdominal pain (to the point of passing out). It turned out she had a cyst on one of her ovaries the size of an orange. I wanted to share this with you because I'm hoping that your only problem is this pesky cyst and that you don't indeed have diverticulitis.

jdb in AZ said...

So glad it's benign. No doubt you'll come away with enuff material for a whole new book.

Health care professionals (including several I'm related to) are in a league -- world of their own. Just ask the ones who think M.D. stands for medical deity.

My dad was an anesthesiologist -- got paid for passing gas.

Jennifer Foster said...

WHATEVER you do, DO NOT type that into google images. Because I did and now need to get drunk.

elaine said...

So glad it was benign!!

cyn said...

Hey Dawn, so glad they were able to tell you right away that this was benign. After my 2nd son was born, they found a tumor on my left ovary. After many tests, I was told it was benign. Mine was called a dermoid cyst and it also had hair and teeth. I had surgery to remove my ovary and fallopian tube and all is well. And contrary to what you would think, I still have a monthly cycle. The other side took over. Good luck with your surgery. All will be well!!!!

Raevyn said...

You are the second person in about 2 days to reveal the hair & teeth sort of tumor. One of my friends is having hers (her doc calls it a dermoid, I have no idea if it's the same thing as yours or not, but it does have the hair & teeth in it) removed next Thursday. When she told me about it, my first comment was "just like Aunt Voula!"
Healing thoughts for both the diverticulitis and the surgery.

Cheri-Beri said...

I would *almost* pay money to see your tumor with teeth and hair. I'm sure after it's removed, they'll biopsy it just to be safe. Like they did with my "your right boob will be perky forever" tissue. I asked the doctor three times if she was SURE it was no big deal :-)

Much love and a big sigh of relief to you!!!

Gabz said...

I knew I had heard of that kind of tumor before! I just couldn't remember where...had no idea it was so common...I'm glad it's good news for you, and will be keeping you in my prayers until the surgery and recovery is all done with. I had to laugh at the underwear in your jeans comment, I"m amazed at how you manage to bring humor into these kinds of situations. Maybe now I won't mind the gyno quite so much (I'd rather go to the dentist!) as I'll be laughing to myself the whole time :P

Amanda said...

Oh thank goodness!! I am so happy for you that it's benign. Praise God! And more importantly, no awkward conversations while in the stirrups this time! ;-)

P.S. Totally cracked up at the commenter who asked why we hide our underwear in our pants at the OBGYN. I also hide my bra, fold everything up real nice... I can't have the OBGYN thinking I'm a slob! :) The things we do for the OBGYN.

Anita M H said...

Well that's sure a relief to know, even if it does have hair and teeth (I'm fighting the impulse to google it).
I'm so not a morning person either, but my mom sounds a lot like yours, up bright and early and hits the ground running. Drives me crazy if I have to be around her first thing in the morning. I'm with you on the "nobody should ever talk in the morning" at least not until after the second cup of coffee.

WeaselMomma said...

Oh, feel better soon! I'm glad that it's benign, but am happy that they are getting rid of it.

Jen@Scrapingirl said...

Thank God it's only an alien inside of you, not cancer. :)I was thinking about you all day yesterday.

Liz@thisfullhouse said...

Can I see it? No. Just kidding. Sort of. Aaaaand, very, very happy to hear the word, "benign!" Now, time to get rid of the ugly and...um...well...can I see it?!?!?

V1nce said...

Doctors do the you have to undress thing for fun. It's their way of saying "I said it and they did it. Cool."

The next doctor visit I go to I think I'll undress in the car.

kirine said...

It's terrific that you didn't have to go through the whole biopsy and worry only to find out it was benign. Praying for you to have a quick and problem free recovery!

Shari said...

Oh Dawn
Feel better and please take care of yourself. I hope you have someone to come and take care of you.

Rhonda said...

Dawn, I just found your blog. I am glad you are okay and I hope you feel better soon. I did want to tell you that I read several of your posts and you are so funny. If we ever met, I think we'd be great friends - I am usually as sarcastic as you are and since I moved to the midwest,people just don't get me! :-)

beagle said...

So glad to hear it is benign! I hope surgery etc goes well and you are feeling better soon!

Christine said...

What a relief it's benign!

I had a breast cancer scare last year and I still remember the anxiety of waiting for the results of the biopsy. Luckily all was fine.

Good luck with your recovery...and then your surgery...

no fun :( but at least it's BENIGN.

Vivian M said...

Thank G-d it is benign! Get well soon Dawn, and lean on your friends and family.

dark_chocolate said...

Wow, did NOT know that tumors can have teeth and hair - amazing and weird at the same time. :) Yeah, and about the half-naked thing, I sometimes wonder if doctors do that on purpose to make the patient ask less questions (the courage kind of vanishes when you have a conversation with someone without your pants on.):D

Blended said...

so who won the breakfast giveaway? I'm glad evrything turned out ok for you. When you first announced stomach pain I figured that was your problem. It must be something in the air...I know alot of people having a hysterectomy in the last month. Myself included (well soon they want to make it the last resort).....good luck!

Shanny said...

You said "inside the lump is MY twin" does that mean your OWN twin or your child lost a twin sibling?

Mom Taxi Julie said...

WHY do I not remember that part of the movie??? I love that movie! We always say my mother in law is like the dad with windex only she uses chloroseptic on everything. IT CURES IT ALL!!!

So glad it's not the big C but OMG!! Hey maybe this is going to be a great diet plan. Clear liquid...removing a big mass, that's gotta weigh quite a bit, how much does an ovary go for now adays...

Stephanie said...

Thank goodness!!

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

You know you absolutely have to take a photo of your hairy toothy tumor. So I guess you'll have to tell them you need to be awake for the surgery. (Just caught up on all your posts! xo) Steph

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