Thursday, July 10, 2008

Life Lessons Learned

I printed out copies of the items Savannah's friend bought along with the lowest sale and clearance prices that were advertised online now. It added up to over $75. Savannah and I went over to her house this evening and both the friend and her mom welcomed us inside. I calmly and nicely said, "I don't want to argue or start a fight or anything, but I looked up the items that B. bought with Savannah and this is what I came up with. Perhaps B. just forgot about some of the things she got."
B. looked highly guilty and said in a small voice, "Yes, I think I forgot about some things."

Her mom went over the list of items and B. admitted getting all of them. Her mom said that she hadn't seen everything that B. had gotten that day. I can see how that could happen. Your kid gets home from the mall and you're trying to get dinner on the table; you don't look at her purchases right away; then you forget about them all together. I really think her mother was just confused and wasn't sure what the story was. When she saw it on paper, it made sense to her and she thanked me for coming over and showing her what had been bought. Her mom then wrote Savannah a check and told B. she'd be doing errands for a long time to pay it off.

Although I still don't think much of this girl's character, I can understand getting wrapped up in shopping and not making wise decisions about how you spend your money. Heck, every time I go to Target for laundry detergent and toilet paper, 10 more things tend to wind up in my cart! Anyway, Savannah now knows not to lend out money like that. A friend forgets her lunch money and wants to borrow a couple dollars - sure. Seventy dollars for shopping - notsomuch.

I do hope that Savannah will be nice and cordial to this girl in the future, but I also hope she remembers this and doesn't hang out with her outside school anymore.

Savannah said she still wanted to sell the clothes and her half of the "best friends" necklace that she and B. bought together on eBay, but since she got her money back, she wants to donate the money to Make a Wish Foundation. I think we'll list it next week after I get back from the BlogHer conference.

So, she learned that it isn't wise to lend out huge amounts of money like that.
She learned a little about this girl's character.
She learned to stand up for what's right.
She learned that not everyone is honest.
She learned that dear ole mom will be there to help her out if she needs.
She learned to forgive and move on.
And I learned that cleaning is bad.

Well, actually that had nothing to do with Savannah's money lending saga, but still, it was a lesson learned. Want to know why? While cleaning the other day, I found a pacifier behind my bed. We had tried to get Brooklyn to take this pacifier when she was an infant. She's 2 now. (Yes, that's how often I try to clean between the wall and my waterbed that can't be moved.) Anyway, Brooklyn never wanted anything to do with the pacifier. She was never interested in using it. However, since finding it the other day, she's had it in her mouth nonstop. That, my friends, is reason #48 why cleaning is bad.

92 comments:

Shauna said...

Dawn--
You get BIG brownie points for the way you modeled behavior (that was appropriate while also not being a door mat) for Savannah to see and learn from. And KUDOS to Savannah for doing this hard thing together with you. The lessons she learned today (& this week) will certainly stay with her a L-O-N-G time!

Our group of girlfriends uses "I CAN DO HARD THINGS" as a kind of mantra to get through what we each have to get through. I thought of that all the way through Savannah's saga this week.

Well done, friend. THAT is what Moms do best--they love their kids and teach them correctly how to deal with thing called life.

I tip my hat to you! (And Savannah!)
:) Shauna

Shauna said...

BTW--
Binkie or no, That is one CUTE little girl!
:) Shauna

Fearless Mom said...

I'm glad everything worked out well for you. Isn't it funny how you play these terrible scenarios in your head, and then reality turns out much nicer.

Tell Savannah thanks for teaching all of us some valuable lessons.

Rosemary Bogdan said...

Glad the borrowed money problem was resolved. Sounds like you did a good job, Mom.

Queen Telling said...

I am glad your daughter got her money back. That was a sticky situation. I think she def learned a lesson. And you too with the cleaning. I never clean. lol

Traci

jodi-mother of six said...

I've been thinking about your and Savanah's problem ever since I read about it and hadn't come to any conclusion about what I would suggest to you, nor what I would do if it happened to me. Wow, what a great solution you came up with...peacefully, gently but firmly! You did good!!!

Anna said...

I’m amazed at how you handled the whole situation and the maturity in your daughter! You handled it perfectly and I’m going to take notes :) Mine are still too little to even know much about money and so I happily get all their birthday and Christmas money…I spend it on them of course!
I had to laugh out loud at the part about Brooklyn. I also found an old pacifier the other day and gave it to our 18 month old who’s always been perfectly happy with his two fingers. He just looked so cute sucking on it :) I did hide it after realizing that our new little man just might use it when he comes in October.
Precious picture of Brooklyn!

Michelle said...

I don't know how you did it but WOW! I hope that if one day I am put in this position that I will remember how awesome you handled this situation. I hope Savannah knows how blessed she is to have such a wonderful mom.
I am thinking it may have made it a little easier since you do not have a personal friendship w/ B's mom. Sounds like Savannah has learned a HUGE lesson.
She is setting a wonderful example to all of us reading and of course to those who personally know her by donating the money she makes.

Marly said...

Thank you for the way you dealt with that problem. I am writing it down for when I have to deal with it in a few years. I really have the hardest time dealing with my kids friends or those around me when it has to do with my kids. It's so hard!
Congrats on cleaning and giving Brooklyn something to suck on :)

Anonymous said...

You know you really are starting to seem unreal to me. What a great way to handle this situation! You seem to be able to handle any situation, with grace and dignity, hats off to you Dawn! Your kids are very very lucky! Lesson well learned.
Now on another note, where has Rick been lately? I always look forward to reading his responses, they are usually quite original. Again thanks for sharing, I'm sure you've helped many people with your problem.

Diane

Kris said...

OH - MY - GOSH! Brooklyn is so adorable in that picture. Have you ever considered trying to get her into commercials or modeling for catalogs?

Kris W said...

"she wants to donate the money to Make a Wish Foundation"

Your daughter is AWESOME! What a thoughtful thing to do! You guys are really doing great things with her for her to become the kind of person she is. That's really great :)

Anonymous said...

I loved the way you handled this! (And I love this blog!!!) I had a similar situation when I was young and my mom did not handle it very well. Of course I was the girl that borrowed the money, but the minute we got home the other girl's mom was on the phone complaining, etc (It was less than 5 minutes). No one gave me a chance to pay it back before the confrontation:( I am learning so much from your blog.

I wish my 20 mos old would find a binkie. She never took one either--so guess who's the binkie?

I can't wait to read your book. I'm planning on buying one for all my sisters/mom/friends etc.

kaylene

FreeSpirit said...

You are not just a wonderful mom, but a wonderful person. Giving them the benefit of the doubt is something that is so hard to do when you're emotional. Thank you for being such a great example to me and to your kids! No wonder Savannah is such a sweetie! Good job, Mom. Well done.

B&K said...

Excellent!! What a wonderful outcome to a difficult situation!! I'm so glad it all worked out so nicely, and didn't end up with B's mom getting all defensive and kicking you out on your keesters. Yayy for you, yayy for Savannah, and yayy for B's mom for taking care of business and hopefully making B. work it off.

And when Brooklyn goes to sleep? You'll have to "lose" that binky all over again before she gets too attached to it. I've seen 5-year-olds walking around with a binky and they look absolutely ridiculous.

Don't get me wrong; she's adorable, but if she gets attached to that binky at her age . . . ????? YIKES!!

Domestic Spaz said...

I am just SO happy that you and Savannah went over to her house and fixed this problem! I hope that girl learned a lesson, too.

Kudos for that!

Rachel said...

Dawn, I am so thrilled that things worked out so well for you and Savannah.
She sounds like such an amazing girl. To donate that money. She is a fabulous representation of you.
Have fun at BlogHer and swear I don't hate ya for going ;-)

AKB said...

Awesome news on the friend drama with Savannah. Brooklyn looks so cute! (hint*- cut a hole in the tip of it) Show her it's broken and big girl don't need pacifiers.

Have a wonderful night. AKB

My Semblance of Sanity said...

YAY TEAM SAVANNAH!!!!!!!
What a beautiful lesson you taught her!

GOOD FOR YOU!

Ellen said...

Dawn- awesome job as usual! You've got to help me (b/c you have so much extra time on your hands) - but I'm desperate and pls forgive my ignorance- for some reason I stopped receiving your updates in my email for a long time (I know, gasp!). Then recently, I went to your site and clicked to subscribe, but now I get the updates fully in email with no links so I cant see comments,etc. Tonite- I tried again, but can't figure out how to sign up for the email alerts that give me a link to your blog. (long winded cry for help) - where do I sign up for this?

Signed,

Need my daily dose o'Dawn! Please...I'm beggin' you!

KAT said...

Dawn,
I am so glad that this resolved - and what an awesome approach you took with the other family. Once I read the initial story - my heart was breaking for S - how devistating for her. I was truly afraid that she was going to learn this lesson the REALLY hard way, and not get her money back. I am so glad that was not the case.

You crack me up on a daily basis - thanks for that.

sorry to hear about the binkie - good luck getting that away from B. My daughter is about the same age, and you would think that the binkie was super glued to her face at times. Yikers.

Thanks again for brightening my day!

kat

joyfulmom said...

I am so proud of Savannah and YOU for doing what was right, presenting yourselves with grace, and effectively communicating the problem. Send a link to your ebay sale. I know my dd will LOVE to bid on anything girly. :) You did a good thing, Dawn!

Hugs from El Paso,
Karla

Sherry said...

Way to go! I'm glad it worked out as well as it did. It was nice the way you handled it... that the girl "must have forgotten"... making it easier for her to own up to it. Sounds like she was just trying to avoid dealing with her mom on it.

Anonymous said...

Dawn,

WHAT??? No BLOOD, GUTS, CUTS, BRUISES, CHOKE HOLDS, BODY SLAMS, etc?

All it took was showing them a little class?

Well done!

Sincerely,
Nancy Binky

Jkhb said...

Dawn, I'm glad your daughter got her $$$ back. Sometimes when girls get older relationships can get hairy! Oh and when we moved, (I don't clean behind/under things much either) I found 3 binkies and my smallest child was 5 at the time. lol we quit using them around age 3. Quick toss the one you found in the GARBAGE!

Jo in NZ said...

The first thing I noticed is that Brooklyn is smiling , which I am sure she is, but so often we get to see the , ummm, shall we say, grumpier side...

Kyddryn said...

Excellent resolution - I am glad to read that the young woman 'fessed up, although I do wish she'd had enough character not to lie in the first place.

Good for you for taking the high road in this - you're a better woman than I, who (at least internally) would have been in high dudgeon. Good for Savannah for her generous nature and compassionate friendship to begin with, and for finding some good lessons to learn from it. Good for the girl's mum for holding the girl accountable for her actions and accepting the evidence rather than turning it into a big, messy battle.

And why on Earth would you clean between the bed and the wall? Isn't that an ecosystem? I'm sure there are several protected species of dust-critters in that space behind my bed, and I'd hate to wipe them out. Maybe you could just fence it in and let the wild things roam, next time. :-)

Shade and Sweetwater,
K

Anonymous said...

What an amazing lesson for us all. You kept your cool, were honest, bold but not arrogant, forgiving, and ultimately a peacemaker. I imagine that this experience will be imprinted on Savannah's heart and she will remember those God-honoring qualities that you demonstrated through this experience. Kudos, Mom!!

~Lisa, San Antonio, Texas

RefreshMom said...

I'm so glad things worked out in the end. The whole thing is a reminder of how much it really kind of sucks to grow up! (And worse, to see your kids grow up!) It's NO fun to learn those kinds of lessons--necessary or not!

I was interested to see what you ultimately did because I (hopefully) am a few years away from those situations, but wondered if my thoughts were on the right track. It gives me hope that maybe I'll do ok when it's my turn since what you did is what I had in mind (great into speech; not sure mine would have been so eloquent).

And you've got to love Savannah's generous heart; generous to her friend to begin with and generous to want to give the money from something that gives her no joy now to a charity that will give joy to a deserving child. Good job mom; she's a gem.

bucketgirl said...

I never would have come up with that... I would have just chalked it up to a loss. Way to go you! This is why I read your blog! Wait till I tell Dan what the Pokemom has come up with now!

Mum-me said...

What a great outcome for everyone, even the friend who will now learn that she has to be accountable for her decisions/actions.

How funny that your 2 year old is just getting attached to her dummy while I am trying to wean my two year old away from hers!

Miriam said...

Both of my kids had to go through an experience of having a "friend" that turned out not to be such a good one, both right around 4th and 5th grades. While it was hard, good lessons were learned all the way around. The kids learned that not everyone is who they portray themselves to be and to choose friends wisely, and I was able to use those examples as reminders the next time they started to make poor friend choices.

Heather said...

Glad to hear the situation with Savannah's borrowed money turned out OK. It's such a shame that the friendship had to sour because of it, but it sounds like it may be better that girl's true colors turn up sooner rather than later.

And yup, don't clean. Try to lose the binky again.

betsey said...

Dawn,

I think you handled this beautifully. I'm glad that the mother was receptive and cooperative, and that the girl had enough character to 'fess up. I'm also glad that Savannah's lessons weren't as painful as they might have been.

Janet said...

Dawn,
You did any excellent job with Savannah and the so called friend!
Thanks for sharing

The Miles Family said...

YAY Dawn and Savannah!!

In the almost 4 years we have lived in our house, the ONLY time I have cleaned between the wall and our unmovable water bed is when the remote control falls back there! :)
After your blog, I plan to stick to that cleaning schedule.
Thank you. :)

Robin said...

Good for you! I think you handled that excellently! Thanks for sharing the experience with us so we could learn from it too. Ever thought about a parenting video!??!?! I'm sure the book will be full of "lessons learned" but a VIDEO...now THERE'S an idea!! =)

And the next time you decide to do something crazy like deep-cleaning...please tell the rest of us so we know where to look for you when we don't hear from you for a few days. We'll send a search and rescue team!

In all seriousness....
Savannah has the best mom! I'm sure she knows that.

Sarah said...

Wow Dawn. I am impressed how you handled this and I don't think I could have walked up to that other family's doorstep, receipts or not in hand. Apparently I have not got the gene for actual face to face confrontation - I'm not even sure I could have made the phone call. My kid are young yet, so maybe I will discover that particular mama bear gene in time. I give kudos to B's mother for sitting back and listening, and responding properly!

Cleaning is bad. I will join that club. Heck, I'm a charter member!

Anonymous said...

Glad it all worked out. I guess all that read your blog can learn from this.

Anonymous said...

Congratulations. I think you handled that quite well. I'm glad it worked out for all concerned. Maybe the other little girl learned some things too. Margie

Krys72599 said...

SOOO glad the other mom was receptive to your second visit. After the first one I thought, "Uh-oh." But when faced with the reality of her daughter's "fib," that Mom acknowledged and worked to solve the problem. Kudos to her.
And you? YAY for the way you handled it! What a great example for Savannah and the other kids, too. No kicking and screaming but a lot of love and support for your daughter. And it all worked out in the end.
She sounds like an AWESOME young lady! Dawn, I know you are, but you should be SOOO proud of her!

Michelle said...

Kudos to you for handling the situation so well. Kudos to Savannah for wanting to be a good friend even though it didn't turn out so well.

I remember not too long ago that you posted a vid showing Brooklyn adamantly stating she wasn't a baby. Perhaps if you tell her that she looks just like a baby she will be quick to give it up. Then again it could backfire miserably. You just never know. I think the bink fairy/gnome should come get it and leave her a dollar.

Knitty said...

Congratulations on handling this so well!

In your list, you could easily have added changing B's life by how this situation was resolved. If she was formerly a good kid caught who got caught up in something, you broke the cycle and either brought her relief or stopped her from thinking she could get away with bad behavior.

Your approach gave B's mother a chance to see her child's behavior for herself, make restitution, and set punishment. If you had verbally attacked her child or questioned her parenting skills, she most likely would have become defensive and the outcome would have been very different.

Parenting is difficult work. It helps when someone confronts a problem as calmly as you did. Thumbs up and good karma to you!

Mabunny said...

I'm glad you stuck to your guns and went over to that girls house.
I'm also glad the mother didn't get mad at you and call you a liar.
I'm happy Savannah got her money back and learned a lesson in the process.
She seems like a very giving girl:)) GO Savannah!
She wants to sell her stuff and donate it to Make-A-Wish? That is terrific!

Jennifer in Wisconsin said...

Congrats Savannah on making lemonade out of lemons. Thanks Dawn for sharing your story and helping us to think about how we would handle a similar situation, before it happens. You are doing an outstanding job raising responsible kids, even if they do get in to some mischief once in awhile; makes life fun.

Jennifer in Wisconsin said...

BTW.. Dawn what is your secret (and Savannah's) for saving so well? I'm very impressed at how she was able to save so much $ at her age. Good for her to want to donate the $ also.

The Broken Man said...

What a fantastic result! And how caring of your daughter to want to donate the ebay money. You should be very proud of her!

The Broken Man

http://theblogofabrokenman.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

Dawn, I want to be you when I grow up! haha

My husband and I actually had a long conversation last night about this situation. See, you've become dinner conversation now! haha Seriously, though, we were both pretty stumped on how we would actually handle the situation if it happened here. I can honestly say that I don't think we would have handled it as well as you and Savannah did. You really taught us a lesson over here in PA!

You (and Joe) are doing an awesome job raising your wonderful children. Savannah is growing up to be quite a young lady -- could she come over and hang out with my daughter? I'd love to trade some of her friends for some better ones!

You should be very proud of yourself and of Savannah! Good for you!!

Donna in PA :)

Julie said...

What an awesome way to find an answer to a potentially explosive situation! Great lessons were learned by all (probably by the girl and her mother as well).

Hopefully Brooklyn will lost interest in the binky quickly. My almost 3 year old went through a short phase of picking up her baby sister's binky and sticking it in her mouth, but she got over it.

Barbara said...

Hurray for a wonderful end to the Savannah saga. I'm glad she learned some good lessons and it all worked out.

Anonymous said...

Dawn, My daughter did the same thing, at about the same age. She never really took a pacifier as a baby. In fact once she moved to the crib and they all fell out the sides and underneath it I just left them there. But I found one when she was 2 and she sucked that thing for about 3 days solid. Then lost intrest.

kmorales4 said...

I'm glad to hear that everything went well and your daughter got her money back. I must say that I didn't post a comment about it yesterday because I was fuming about the situation. I cannot understand how people can take advantage of others the way that little witch did to Savannah. I hope she learned her lesson and I'm sure your darling girl with a heart of gold did too. As for you, you are an awesome mom for looking out for your young the way you did. I admire that very much and I'll probably be using your technique in the future because my older daughter is just as kind as yours.

Ted & Laura said...

S is truly fabulous. Kudos for such a good job resolving a potentially sticky situation, as well as having raise a daughter who handled it well too.

BarbJ said...

Dawn - what a fabulous job you did handling this! I'm so glad it was resolved and both B. and Savannah have learned a valuable lesson from it.

As for the binky - my oldest never used one until he was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes and wound up in the PICU for 27 hrs and the pedi ward for a week. The nurses in the PICU gave him one (he wanted a bottle and couldn't have the calories, so it was a substitute) and it became a permanent part of his face. He was 15 months old at the time and I wasn't able to pry his beloved binkies away until he was FOUR! We started in at about 3 1/2 telling him that 4 yr old boys do NOT use binkies and the binkies were going away after his next birthday. I confiscated all of them the day after his 4th birthday and a few days later we took a trip to Build-a-Bear where he stuffed a frog with love, fluff, and his last 3 worn out binkies. Bink the Frog still lives on his bed 2 years later and he will occasionally poke at Bink's belly and say "I can feel them... they are still in there..." in this slightly wistful tone.

Keeley said...

My good gravy, what an awesome Mum you are! You went to all the effort of searching for and printing out these items. Then you took a deep breath and bravely went over to see the Mother and her child. Wowsers! That must have been a bit nerve-wracking. You modeled excellent behaviour by talking calmly to this mother and her child.

And Savannah saw all this...AND she gets her money back. =) She must feel so grateful! Thank goodness the other girl fessed up, and the other mother didn't freak out. Sounds like everyone was well-behaved all round. Hooray! =)

And then Savannah decided to donate her money. Dude. You have an AWESOME family. A son that talks about cheese (does he also say random things like "ALBUQUERQUE!" when you ask him to do something?), a daughter that donates to Make-a-Wish, and a son that holds squirrels. Fantastic. =)

Brooklyn looks dang cute, y'know. =)

Jessi said...

You handled the situation amazingly well. I think, though, that Savannah could be a good role model and influence for this girl. I have a hard time with telling our kids they shouldn't be friends with someone. We all have the opportunity to be a light in someone else's life.

Geev said...

My two year old found a binkie the other day too! It convienently "broke" when I washed it . . . could it have been the pair of scissors I had hidden in the sink?!? Nahhh :0)

She happily helped me throw it in the trash!

BTW - as evidenced by Savannahs generosity with her friend and continued generous plan to donate to the Make-A-Wish foundation you are doing one heck of a job with your kids! No one knows if you haven't vaccummed behind your bed in two years or five, but they do know if you've been a good parent by the actions and choices your children make daily.

Keep up the good work and forget the house work!

~Ginger

Anonymous said...

Dawn --- WAY TO GO on the lending money lesson. As for the binkie, our youngest son (2 1/2) didn't want anything to do with a binkie until I bought him a shirt that said "Pacifiers are for Suckers" when he was about a year. Now, he doens't need it during the day at day care, but insists he "need"s it in the evenings at home. Our oldest had a binkie until he was 2 1/2 or 3, and then he and the day care provider "threw it away" in the trash. He never wanted one after that. I've tried that this time, but it hasn't worked. Obviously, he is not going to be so easily outsmarted. Let us know when you figure out how to get Brooklyn to give it up, because I'm going to need all the help I can get, apparently.

jbowring said...

I've never commented before, but I wanted to say how AWESOME it is that your daughter wanted to donate that money to charity. She could have went shopping for herself, but instead did such a generous thing. Kudos to you and your husband - I'm sure you are beaming with pride.

lifestartsnow said...

great to hear that things worked out well and that savannah has her money back!

so in the end it does pay off to not ignore a conflict but confront it (in a nice way).

franzi

lawnajo said...

So glad my 2-year-old girl isn't the only one. Didn't want anything to do with a paci when she was an infant. My sister comes to visit with her 7 month old and my girl spends the whole time stealing the paci from the baby. So embarrassing.

Donna Mc said...

Wahoo for both of you! Dawn, you handled it with such awesome grace. I know you were probably quaking inside, worried that it was going to get ugly. But it didn't! And Savannah - girl, you rock! Such a sweet, generous soul you are. I'm sorry you had to learn a life lesson about 'friends', but you too handled it with grace.

God Bless you both!

TheHMC said...

I'm glad that it all worked out! It sucks when you're young and a friend turns out to not be such a good friend after all. Good for you for not letting mama bear loose on her LOL.

And I agree.. that Brooklyn is just too adorable.

Heather and Amber said...

I hear you about the cleaning/pacifier. We recently moved and I took the paci away from my almost 2 year old. Last week she discovered 2 pacis in a box and wouldn't give them up. My 2 other daughters and I had to tear them away from her, she was just obsessed with them.

I'm glad Savannah was able to get her money back and how thoughtful of her to donate what she makes on eBay.

SAHM: Surviving Assorted Home Mayhem said...

What an awesome ending to that story! So glad for Savannah to have got her money back, learned several valuable lessons and in turn help her to become an even better person- wonderful! Thanks for sharing.

trishia said...

Brooklyn is not the only one... we have five kids and my two youngest wanted nothing to do with pacifiers, but then fell in love with them around age two- Briena when Isabell was born (and wouldn't take it) and then Isabell when we had a friend over with a baby. Lovely, lovely children!

It is good to hear that your daughter is learning life lessons- so many children do not. Many parents would've yelled at the kid for being "stupid" with money which would've led to a hate relationship with the other girl... good for you for taking the time to make life lessons there! I hope I do as well when my kids are that age.

SaratogaFive said...

Congrats, Dawn, on handling that beautifully! I was wondering how I'd have gotten out of that one. That was just the right way to handle it. Not looking forward to that teenage stage. You'll have to shine a light and lead the way...

Jane said...

That is the most awesomest story ever!

Jane Doe said...

Way to handle a tough situation diplomatically and turn it in to a learning lesson. This does remind me of the Brady bunch. The end of every show was wrapped up with some pertinent life lesson, e.g Greg and his "Exact words".

Great blog and BEAUTIFUL kids!

Tess said...

Dawn, I am so impressed with how you handled this situation with Savannah. She learned a whole summer's worth of valuable lessons! You have much to be proud of!

Crazy Raven Productions said...

Wow. You all handled that remarkably well. I don't know if I could have been that calm...I admire you vastly for this. I admire Savannah even more, wanting to donate her auction cash to the Make a Wish Foundation. You raised a remarkable girl.

As for how she treats her at school, I wouldn't push her for much more than polite or civil. Nice is pushing it a touch, cordial even more so. This girl was a total shit to your kid. At least her mom knows a bit more about her child's true character now.

Monique said...

I am so glad it worked out! And it's good that you're DD has learned this lesson, it's better to learn it with 77$ and change than with hundreds of dollars when she gets older. And at least it had a good outcome in the end for her. It's too bad we have to even learn this lesson, I know it was hard for me to believe when I was a kid that people could be so inconsiderate of others and so untrustworthy.

Have a great day!

Carla said...

So glad that everything worked out for you and Savannah!!! Wonderful lessons learned!

Mary G said...

Way to go! SO happy it worked out well. I'm also totally impressed with the way both you and Savannah handled yourselves.

Both of my kids used binkies until they were about 1 1/2 or 2. About a month ago, they found some in the bathroom drawer (they are now 5 1/2 and 3 1/2) and they played with them for about 2 days before I took them away and tossed them. I have no idea why I'd kept them...

iffer@AOL.com said...

I think you handled the whole situation with the mom and girl perfectly. I think you need to mention it in your next book, since none of the other parenting books mention situations like that as you said! :-) And kudos to Savannah for donating the money, she sounds like a great kid! I think she has a great mom for an example!

Alicia From Delaware said...

You are not alone, My youngest son will be 5 Next month, He's been off the passie for a few years, I clean under and the sides of my bed 2 times a year, Last month was one of them and Guess what I found????? A pacifier!!!
Glad to hear savannah got her money back too!

Mandy said...

For those who are having trouble with the Binkies, you can always try the Binkie Fairy route by telling the child that the Binky Fairy visits the homes of "big kids" who don't need their binkies anymore and gives them to the little babies who do need them. In return, the Binkie Fairy leaves them a little present as a thank you. Then have the child put their binkie in an envelope or on the window sill and then when the child is asleep,throw the binkies away and the child wakes up with a little present.

Michelle said...

Oooo that pacifier sounds just like a recent occurence in my house. I brought in a pacifier (in its case) from my car that has been sitting there for almost three years since Little Miss declined to use it at about 6 weeks of age -- I had been hoping it would help with her vomiting issue but not so much. She saw it, I explained what it was, she popped it in her mouth and it was a rough go to get it back from her! Fortunately she's again forgotten about it!

Lowa said...

You handled that very well. Poor Savannah!! Not a very good friend, eh? Sheesh!

My three sons all had their soothers until they were four. When they turned three, they were only allowed to have them at night. When they were three and a half, only every other night. By the time their fourth birthdays rolled around, they had forgotten all about them. It is funny to look back at pictures of them with those in their mouths. Our daughter never took one and sucked her left thumb until she was SIX! That was easily dealt with too. Not a big deal to me, I don't have a problem with kids being oral like that, it is totally natural. Not like they will go away to college with it or something, you know? It is funny how she likes it now, though:) She is just playing, I am sure. It you take it away, she won't even notice at least:)

Anonymous said...

I'm so happy it worked out! I didn't get a chance to comment on the last post. I was gonna say you should threaten to call them out on your blog! I'm glad you didn't have to do that. I'm so glad the mom was nice and understanding and willing to work with you. Hopefully she'll really make B. pay her back in some way so that B. can learn her lesson, too!

Anonymous said...

I just have to add that I'm SO impressed with the way you handled the situation!!! Way to go, Dawn!

Anonymous said...

I am so happy that she got her money back - I am going through something similar and just want it to be over!

Dancing Queen said...

i'm so glad things were able to be worked out. This happened to me before when i was younger but i was always too afraid of telling my mom since i didn't know how she would react to me lending out money. It's good that Savannah learned about this early on since it could have been worse. but at least this way she also knows that she can rely on you and now she knows that doing the right thing is best

fixitnate said...

Dawn,

I commend you on how you handled the situation but for one thing, strongly enough to write this reply. Keep in mind I've never met this "B." girl any more than I've met you or your daughter, so I only have what you've written to go on and you'd have to agree you're probably biased towards your daughter, understandably. :)

Anywho, you mention that you hope Savannah doesn't hang around B. any more, but then also mention forgiveness. I'd like to think one could be forgiven WHOLLY, not just forgiven in a "well, it's ok, you made it right, now please get out of my life unless I'm forced to see you somehow", sorta half-forgiveness way. Why not keep a friendship and just be wiser in the future?

Ok, so you do mention that Savannah still wants to get rid of the clothes and necklace. If she doesn't want to hang out with B. anymore, that's fine, but I hope that is her own decision and not one influenced by your own thoughts on B's character traits. Jerks need friends, too, and perhaps it is because B. doesn't normally have friends like your daughter that she acts like she did. Savannah could be a great influence on her!

In any case, Savannah wanting to donate that money or any money to Make A Wish or any other charity/foundation... well, that's just a most wonderful thing.

B&K said...

Normally I'd agree with "fixinate" who commented above, but in relationships? Generally the one with poor character pulls down the one with good character, rather than vice versa. Especially in teens, who often are "sheep" when it comes to behavior.

I think that, as an adult, we might be able to carry this off better than a teenager would. But allowing a teenager to be around and hang out with people with a KNOWN poor character flaw is a huge mistake. Who knows what else she does that is of poor character? Shoplifting? Drinking? Smoking? Drugs? Promiscuity? Yikes!!

Teens need to be around those who have their same values. Teens who hang out with people of poor character often get pulled down to their level.

I think I'm repeating myself, but I just can't say it enough -- Refer this girl "B" to Big Sisters or something, but IMHO, Savannah would be wise to keep her distance from "friends" such as these.

Sheila said...

Way to go, Dawn! I really didn't think it would turn out this well, which shows that I am a pessimist.

I'm glad that it did turn out well. And I hope that other girl learns the value of money, too!

Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!

Amy N. said...

Hi, I've been reading for awhile, but never commented. I wanted to tell you how beautiful your children are and how lucky they are to have such wonderful parents. Way to go on the awesome hope you have build for your six blessings.

Writer & Cat said...

I am jealous of your level head! I am also terrified of pre-teens and teens.

Jody W.

Life with Spirit said...

Nicely done Dawn! And umm yeah, I have a 3 year old who I would have LOVED to suck her thumb as an infant--anything to self soothe so I could sleep! She wouldn't take a binkie either. And now we catch that thumb in her mouth all the time! What in the world?

Rick said...

Did you get ALL the money back? I mean $77.08 PLUS interest? Don't tell me Savanah loaned out the dough without charging some kind of interest?

Savanah, Savanah, Savanah! You DO HAVE a lot to learn about loaning out money.

Another tough life lesson that needs to be learned.

http://organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/

Jenn said...

Well done mom. Well done Savanah!

JennT

Feagans 5ive said...

Good for you for helping Savanah. She will always remember this! Thanks for sharing about this, it helps us mommies put with littler girls!

Jen

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