ME: I'd like to make an appointment to have my picture taken. I need to have a picture of me and also one of me and my kids together.
HER: Sure. How many kids will be in the sitting?
HER: How many?
HER: Are you sure?
looking around, counting heads Umm yeah, I'm pretty sure.
HER: Are they all yours?
Now, I didn't make a conscious decision to mess with the person on the other end of the line, but somehow these words came out of my mouth... Is what mine?
HER: The kids. Are they all yours?
ME: What kids?
sounding a bit confused I'm sorry ma'am. I thought you said you wanted your picture taken with your kids?
ME: I don't have any kids.
HER: Ohhhh. thoroughly confused OK, so you just want to make an appointment to get your picture taken?
ME: No. I need to get a picture taken of me and my kids too.
wondering if she's losing her mind or if I'm crazy That's what I thought! OK, we have an opening for an appointment for you at 6:00 and then for you and your kids at 6:30. Does that work?
HER: Now what are the ages of your kids?
ME: What kids?
deciding that I'm obviously a mental patient, she asks... The kids in the picture! What are their ages so we can be prepared for them.
I contemplated, for a moment, telling her that she misunderstood me and that I don't have kids, but I do have cats and would like my picture taken with them, but I reconsidered and told her instead that my phone was breaking up and I was having a hard time hearing her. I think she bought it.
Yesterday morning, I called the studio and inquired, "Ummm, I have an appointment for tomorrow night and I was just wondering, umm do you guys retouch your pictures?
What do you mean?
Well, you see, I have a zit the size of Wyoming on my face and I'm overdue to get my hair colored. There's so much silver coming out of my scalp that it looks like a Brillo pad. And I should probably try to whiten my teeth too.
I think I scared the woman on the other end of the phone.
Anyway, Kelli, my most awesome, wonderful web designer assured me that she could fix the picture if the photographer didn't do a great job. She said she could erase wrinkles, take off ten years and ten pounds. How cool is that, right? But then I started thinking, hmmm maybe I should ask her to add some wrinkles, gray hair, ten years and ten pounds. That way when people see me in person they'll think, "Wow, you look great! Much better than your picture."
So anyway, we went for the pictures tonight. Do you know how hard it is to coordinate a picture with seven people? I have no idea how larger families do it. I guess they just pick the picture with the least amount of bunny ears, possessed looks, closed eyes, and fingers up noses.
Stop making bunny ears.
Look at the camera.
Stop looking at your sister.
Stop squatting down.
Keep your hands to yourself.
Get your finger out of your nose.
Stop making stupid faces.
Oh great! You made her cry. Didn't I tell you to keep your hands to yourself.
The photo shoot is over!
I swear, in every picture, someone was looking away, or had their eyes crossed, or had a demonic look, or was busy scratching themselves. But this was the good part! At least when I got my picture taken with the kids, I was able to strategically place the kiddos around me to help hide my fatness. :D
Then my wonderful husband, who drove separately to this photo shoot
Good enough for me! Thank you. Goodnight.