Monday, October 22, 2007

Controlling Your Bladder is Easier Than Controlling Your Kids

To the person who left me this comment... "Sweet, a Mormon who has ads for coffee on her site.. Just proof the mighty dollar can buy anything." First of all - I'm not a Mormon. And I have nothing against coffee. In fact, I love coffee. Well, I love cups of coffee flavored cream anyway. Nor do I have anything against Mormons! Secondly, I'm not all that familiar with the Mormon religion, but I'm guessing that passing judgement on people you don't even know is not part of your doctrine.

Someone (I'm guessing without kids) wrote and told me something along the lines of, "You'd better not let your kids make too much noise on the plane. There's nothing worse than a parent who was irresponsible and had more kids than they can control."

Well shoot, I need to keep them quiet? Now here I was planning on letting them run up and down the aisles of the plane yelling. I was going to let them bring a guitar too so they could bang it on everyone's head as they walked past. Movie anyone?

As far as "controlling" my kids. Of course I don't control them. Nor do I want to control them. I want to teach them to control themselves.

Hal Runkel, author of, Screamfree Parenting, states in his book, that we as parents are not responsible for our children. What? We’re not responsible for them? Reading that statement, I immediately love this guy. Hooray! If Hal Runkel, licensed marriage and family therapist, says that I’m not responsible for my son when he doesn’t do his homework, or my daughter when she talks back to me, or my toddler who flings himself, screaming, onto the floor of the doctor’s office, then I’m 100% behind his Screamfree method of parenting.

Reading further in the book, Hal states that although we are not responsible for our children, we are indeed, responsible to them. I knew there was a catch! What he means by this is that we are not responsible for our children's choices and behaviors. We are instead responsible for ourselves and our actions. Hal teaches us to focus on ourselves and our behavior - something we can control. If we want a child to make good decisions, we have to model that behavior for them. How can we expect a child to remain calm when we fly off the handle and scream and yell at them when they choose not to cooperate? We can't be in control of the situation if we aren't in control of our own behavior and we can't possibly expect a child to calm down and get control of themselves if we're screaming like lunatics.

The concept is simple really. For example, when ABC was at my house filming, they asked me, "Do you fight with your kids to do their homework every night?"
I said, "Are you kidding? No way. That's their job. If they choose not to do it, then they're the ones who get in trouble at school. I have enough responsibilities than to take on their schoolwork as well."

They can choose to do their homework and reap the rewards at school, or they can choose to avoid their homework, and suffer the consequences of turning in an incomplete assignment. There is no reason for us to yell and scream and try to persuade our children to do their assignments. All that does is raise our blood pressure and make those little veins on the sides of our heads stick out. Besides, we can't remember our kids' names when we're mad and yelling and it's really hard to be in control when we have to spit out five names before we get to the right one!

Although the idea of having little robot children who obey our every command without a second thought is really, really appealing , it's actually not what we should strive for as parents. Hal uses the example of the movie Ella Enchanted his book. (If you haven't seen this movie, it's really cute and well worth renting, in my opinion.) In this movie, Ella is given the gift curse of obedience. She must obey. She has no choice but to do everything she’s told to do. This curse of obedience forces her to do some awful things in the movie. Think about it. Even though the thought of a child who obeys your every command, sounds heavenly, would you really want this child to grow up doing what everyone tells them to do? What happens when their peers tell them to have a cigarette? Take drugs? Steal a CD? I don't know about you, but I certainly don’t want my child to simply follow along and do what they’ve been told. I want them to use their brains and think of the consequences before making a decision. I want them to make wise choices because they've learned about consequences from experience.

Back to the homework example - I don't want my kids to do their homework because I've yelled at them to do it. I want them to choose to do their work because they know they'll get a good grade if they do and because they know they'll have to make up the assignment, or get an incomplete, or get a detention if they choose not to do it. Natural consequences.

I don't yell at my kids to eat dinner. They can choose eat what I've cooked or they can choose to not eat. If they choose not to eat dinner, they suffer the natural consequences of being hungry. No yelling. No fighting. They're responsible for their choice and they accept the consequences of their choice. Simple, right?
Well, in theory, it's simple. In reality it's hard. It's a simple concept that's difficult to master.

Like Hal warns parents against "emotional reactivity", author of 1-2-3 Magic, Dr. Thomas Phelan tells parents how to avoid the "Talk-Persuade-Argue-Yell-Hit Syndrome" by teaching them to not become involved in an emotional struggle with their kids. He goes on to say that parents make the mistake of talking too much and getting too emotionally involved. "Did you just hit your sister? Why did you hit your sister? You know you shouldn't hit your sister. Hitting's not nice. How would you like to be hit? You wouldn't like that. Hitting hurts. It's not nice. I can't believe you just hit your sister like that! Look at me when I'm talking to you! Do you think hitting is a good idea? Would you like it if I hit you?!........"

Anyway, my point is - you can't control kids and it's probably not a good idea to try. You can however, control yourself, teach your kids, and give them choices and consequences and that, in my opinion, is how you discipline.

Now, I know many of you probably won't agree with all this and that's fine. I'm not saying there is only one way to discipline your kids and this is it. Far from it. In fact, I think there are a lot of sound ways to approach discipline. I think a huge key to making anything work, however, is consistency. That and, of course, a sense of humor about the little things and maybe a little Captain Morgan. Just kidding. Sort of. :D

Oh yeah, if you don't like my blog or you find it offensive, that's fine. You don't have to agree with me. But here's a tip for you - you don't actually have to read it and you certainly don't have to take the time to leave me a comment. It would be pretty silly to waste your time that way, don't you think? For those of you who actually do have a sense of humor however, read on!

Oh yes, for the folks who asked - nope, no one else is throwing up, thankfully! I, however, have a fever and feel like mud. I'm definitely going to bed before 4:00am tonight! (My baby thought it would be fun to stay up and party last night.)

Come check out MAMASLIKE for interesting finds from work-at-home moms!

P.S. I just heard from Mimi, Julian's mom, that cancer cells were found in her little boy's spinal fluid. :*( If you're the praying type, please say one for healing for Julian, peace and comfort for his family, and wisdom for the doctors treating him. You can read more at Carepages.com under "Julian's World".

290 comments:

1 – 200 of 290   Newer›   Newest»
The Flying Circus Mom said...

Well said! Sorry that you are not feeling well, hope you get better, I know about the little one up partying, my little one felt the need to seranade me with his screams at 2 a.m.

Meesh said...

Well said.

Anonymous said...

Wow, it must be nice for some people to have so much free time to spend reading other people's blogs and leaving nasty, judgmental comments on them. Obviously some of them don't have any children to "control". LOL Loved your responses to them!!

Dawn, California said...

AMEN!!!

Anonymous said...

Hi, I've been a lurker for a couple of months here, I know you have gotten so many comments. But best of luck to you on your flight, just when you think you've had enough, I just got back from a 14 hour trip just me and my 2 boys, granted I ONLY have 2 but still 14 hours each way, BY MYSELF!! It was awful and people yelled @ me , not my kids! We also went to Disney World, ENJOY!!!

Anonymous said...

You tell em!

Erin said...

That sounds like a book I would like to read. Hope you're feeling better soon : )

Mishel said...

Hope you are feeling better. As for the person who wrote you that comment w/o knowing who you are: shame on them. I don't like people like that and I hope that I have never been like that or if I have that I learned from my mistakes in judging someone w/o truly knowing them and learned from my mistake. P/S: I totally know what movie you're referring to and I LOVE THOSE MOVIES!! All Airplane movies! My hubby hasn't seem them and thinks I'm weird but it's a great movie! Love the jive talking, the lady singing who undoes the patients IV (it was her IV right?), and the man's drinking problem:) Feel better!

Heather said...

Dawn you just make me laugh everytime I read your blog! Thanks for being so honest about what its really like to be a mom. Keep up the great work!! And as a Morman I can tell you that I personally wouldnt care if a coffee place was advertising on my site.

Cecily R said...

Dawn, I'm sorry about the judgemental dork that made the Mormon comment. But, don't think we're all like that. We're not. I'm not.

And as for the plane comment, well, I hope they don't have kids. If they do, I pity the kids.

Feel better and have a great trip.

Everyday stuff said...

I think if people don't like what you have to say then why in the heck are they looking!

Thanks for sharing those books I just got a copy on amazon no one ever told me a two year old was so stubborn! I also got a copy for my sister because her poor kids suffer from her yelling way to much I will umm anonymously mail it to her! Thank you for sharing!

Anonymous said...

Dawn, This is my 1st ever blogger comment! I absolutely love your site & have been reading it daily since the ebay sale!(So funny) Your comments tonight rock! I so relate to the emotional parent comments. I have fallen into this as well. Thank you so much for your insight & the great quotes from other parenting books.I love your blog & can't wait to get home to read it. I hope your feeling better & have a safe flight!
As Always Teacher in Nebraska

VanDerHoekArt said...

Bravo Dawn! I'm sorry to hear that you've gotten some mean-spirited comments. Personally, your blog is my favorite and I laugh every time I read it! Thanks for sharing a bit of your life with me.

EnjoyingLife said...

You always make me laugh out loud!!! I have 5 children so I've had many similar experiences although no one has ever thought we were Mormon. Might have something to do with my very Middle eastern looking husband. ;) But we do often get the "Are they all yours?" Keep it up large families need a place to share. I thoroughly enjoy your blog!!!

Kathy said...

As a Mormon - sorry for your snarky commenter on the coffee ad! Not all of us think or act that way.

As a mom of 8, I love your thoughts and quotes on "controlling" our kids. Right on!

And as a reader of your blog, I love the humor, the everyday-ness and the bright spot it is to read about your family. Thanks for sharing. How fun that your family gets to go on vacation. Enjoy the trip. Make lots of memories.

Shal said...

I loved this post! I have 4 kids (my oldest is 5) and I am amazed at how many people give us dirty looks when we travel. Good luck with your plane ride! I did have a question- (I will understand if you have no time to actually answer it) I like the idea of not fighting kids to eat, so do you give your kids a time limit or something on when they need to be done eating? I have a dawdler(sp?). He will play with his food forever. What do you think?? Thanks.

Dawn said...

Honestly, unless we had somewhere to go, I don't think I'd care that my little one took his time eating. Let him sit there and eat his cold food. Maybe he'll see that he's missing out on fun stuff that you do after dinner, if he's still working on his food. If not, ask yourself if it's a big deal that he takes a long time. If it is a big deal to you, then I think setting a timer sounds like a good plan.

My Goodness said...

Way to go, Dawn! And thank you. I think I really needed to read some of these things...and should probably get my hands on at least one of these books!

Anonymous said...

Totally agree with your perspective. You give some great insight in such a humorous fashion! Hope you feel better - we were up all night at the ER with one child and guess where I got to go tonight with the other child! Yep - you guessed it - the ER!!! So needless to say I'm hoping for some sleep also tonight! Praying your sleep is very refreshing for you tonight!

Anonymous said...

Hey I'm Mormon,and if you want to find out more about Mormons (aka LDS)thaen go to lds.odg or...umm...I dont know og any other places,but that will probably work.Or,I just thought of something,Look in your yellow pages,ther4e is usually a list of all the churches in town,and i'm sure you will find that you will find the address,then...go to the church on a sunday(sunday is usally when theres someone there,even if church is over)and find out how you can talk to the someone. let me know if i was helpful:)

kelli said...

I can't really say great post as I think all your posts are great. But I have to thankyou for this one as it is so very true and I only wish more people thought this way.

Hope you are well again soon, perhaps you need to listen to your body at the moment!

Boo to the critics and healing thoughts to Mimi and family

Mary KD said...

THANK YOU!!

Heidi said...

I don't think I've commented on your blog before (although I read it almost every day. I'm a lurker, I know, I'm sorry!), but I had to tonight. I only have 2 little guys, but I just wanted to thank you for talking about this tonight! Sometimes it's hard to feel like the mean mommy who doesn't let her kids pick what they want for dinner and so on. It's so nice (and reaffirming) to know that I'm not the only one out there who wants my kids to learn about natural consequences and that every choice they make will have 'em!

Amanda, in NM said...

Well, you made ME feel like mud. I mean that in a good way, really!! =) I was reminded of what I already know. Screaming and yelling breeds screaming and yelling. But, good grief it's so hard not to isn't it! We are one of those families, that by the time we get to church on a Sunday morning, we NEED to be in church, you know what I mean. (Foxworthy has our number, I'm telling ya!)
Tomorrow will be a new day for me- do it like Dawn does it! My veins stand out way too much as it is, no more for me. I'll let you know how it's workin' for me- lol! Thanks for being a mom just like the rest of us, but with the cajoneys to tell everyone how it is! luv ya!

Hilmarose said...

"Oh yeah, if you don't like my blog or you find it offensive, that's fine. You don't have to agree with me. But here's a tip for you - you don't actually have to read it and you certainly don't have to take the time to leave me a comment. It would be pretty silly to waste your time that way, don't you think? For those of you who actually do have a sense of humor however, read on!"

I couldn't have said it better myself!!!
You always have so many comments that I don't usually leave one... even tho I just found your blog a little while ago... I just wanted to encourage you that there are MANY more of us that LOVE to read your blog and who are NOT judgmental... If we don't like what we read we don't need to read it at all or even come back. But I gotta tell you that thru "bloglines" alone you have almost 170 subscribers so you must be doing something right... LOL

Anonymous said...

Have a great flight. We took our four (only four) children from Calif to Arkansas this summer. We did get some looks (OK my three boys are 2 year old triplets and a five year old daughter), folks were kind and quiet for the most part. My kids were not model flyers - but are we supposed to stay home forever? Nope, kids need experiences so I say have a great experience!!

Keep writing, your blog is a welcomed source of comraderie and laughter, from one mom to another.

Becky said...

Amen sister Dawn! Well said! You're totally right about modeling good behavior for the kids and being consistent. I appreciate that you are solid in those areas, and yet still let your kids be kids and not little robots. I still chuckle thinking of the Kool-Aid pickle experiment in your fridge...lol. Those are the moments memories are made of...the same ones we will take out and mull over in our old age.

Get some good rest, Dawn...if you're gonna be schlepping all over Dizzyland and whatnot, you're gonna need it! Can't wait to hear all about your adventures when you return!

I'll be praying for Julian.

Courtney said...

Dawn, I absolutely love your comments to some of the ignorant people of the world. I hope you start to feel better and have a great time in FL.

Anonymous said...

Dawn-

Very well said! I agree with all you have said and we parent our children similarly it sounds like. Yay! Someone who agrees with me. I am sorry you are under the weather. I hope that the ickies pass soon. Take care! Oh yeah, something else I have learned, I can't discipline all my kids the same way. Sheesh...I thought it would be easy! Just kidding!

Shari

Kati said...

Wow! I wonder what that person would say to a Mormon mom like me....

http://priceisrightfamily.blogspot.com/2007/09/r-u-lds-2.html

I fall outside ALL the steriotypical Mormon moms! I drink pepsi, I don't drive a minivan and I HATE scrapbooking!!! ((GASP!!!))

I just have to laugh at people like that. So ignorant. Just like the comment last night on desperate housewives about Mormons and polygamy.

Have fun on your trip and just know that most of the people on the plane will find great humor and will love having the opportunity of actually meeting your family. I know I would. I can't wait to read all about it!

Studio 13 by Carrie said...

.....ok wait......wait......ummmm...still looking for something ANYWHERE that EVER said you were Mormon!! Huh. Must have missed that part! LOL...as the old saying goes "If it don't apply, let it fly"

plainprecious said...

First of all kudus to you for standing up forthe kids The person who wrote thecomment about the kids acting up on the plane obviously isnt a parent. I have had people look at me when I take my 2 youngest places and they act up. Makes me wanna do one of your kids wrestling moves on them. I must admit most of the people in our little town love the boys and find it amusing when we go anywhere. In fact I have people ask me about their latest adventures. WE went to our local movie store and the boys dressed in jammies ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. Sharon the stores owner said Elisabeth leave them be this ought to wear them out so they sleep good tonight!!! LOL

My prayers are with Julian. Poor little thing. I cant even begin to imagine what his parents are going through right now. This is why I thank god everyday when my kids act like monsters. They are well and I thank god for that everyday.

My prayers will also be with you as you and your brood fly into the sky. Hopefully everyone is well and the trip is enjoyable.

Aslo as far as people who complain. Its like I always tell my kids you cant please everyone so dont even try. Just delete the rude comments and enjoy the positive ones. Dawn you are doing a great job dont ever stop. And dont let the boneheads of the world wear ya down. Next time someone comes up to you to complain about your kids Like maybe on the plane. Look them square in the eye and scream UNDERWEAR!!! Or MONKEY POOP!!! that ought to stun them enough to make them shut up. Love ya kiddo Elisabeth

Griffee's said...

I'm morman and I hate when people of my faith say arrogant comments like the one left for you. It's ridiculous. I am proud of who I am and where I come from. I'm glad you called that person out. I don't think that it is part of anyones faith doctrine to judge others. It's awful. I think they thought you were morman because you are very much like a "morman mom". you know with the 6 kids, you could only be morman right?..lol.

Courtney said...

Preach it sista!!! I love natural consequences. I'm pregnant with my 4th, and people are always commenting on how "brave" I am, or how "crazy" I must be. Nope, not a morman either, but hey - whatever! Keep on keepin' on! Love the blog!

Anonymous said...

Having grown up around large families (and in one), I have to say that most of the time they have some of the most well behaved kids. I think it's because the kids aren't starved for attention like some are. In a big family there's almost always someone to play/talk/fight with at home so you don't feel like acting out in public as much.

Just a thought. :)

Darla said...

Then you get the other side of the extremes. We once flew with our 5 kids from Minneapolis to Seattle and back after a long weekend. Each child brought her own backpack with snacks and activities. I wanted to be sure to have enough for them to entertain themselves quietly, especially for the flight back because it was a late night flight. They were very tired from a long, exciting weekend so I could sense that they were a little on edge but they were all able to keep it together beautifully. I am like you in my belief that it is up to my children to learn to control themselves, so I think that helped them on the flight...they all did surprisingly well. Near the end of the flight, a flight attendant came by our section of seats and noticed the mess my two little girls had made (they were ages 4 and 6). She stopped and just stared, obviously very upset, and just shook her head back and forth, very animatedly, and said, "Wow! That is just awful!!! They made such of a mess!" Never mind the fact that they hardly made a peep the whole flight!!! It was mostly crayons and papers but there were also crumbs all over too, which, I might add, I already had a bag ready for clean up at the end of our flight. So you're pretty much danged if you do, danged if you don't! I have to say though that we mostly just have extremely positive experiences when we are all out as a family. Or else I just don't bother to watch for those hostile stares and glares cause I just don't give a darn if people don't like that I have many children. Then those lovely people who do have a more positive feeling towards larger broods usually stop us to make their nice comments, therefore I only notice the positive comments! :) Have a great trip!!!

Teresa said...

Wow, lots of Mormons read your blog. I'm another one...hehe.

I'm interested in your parenting ideas. You talked a little bit about hitting but didn't say what you do when they hit. What do you do? So, no time outs or anything? Very interesting. My Love and Logics book should be arriving in the mail any day and it sounds sort of similar to what you're talking about...maybe kinda a little bit. I think it sounds very interesting!! Thanks for sharing;-)

I hope your plane ride goes well!

Rick said...

Oh, and I thought you got a lot of comments regarding baby vomit. You're going to go over the top on counts for this one.

I liked everything you said.

As I understand, members of the LDS faith avoid caffeen. I guess that means Sprite yes, Dr. Pepper no.

Anonymous said...

I think that Hal knows what he is talking about. They DO need to know how to control themselves and make decisions because one day you won't be there to do it for them.

Great post!!

Rose said...

Amen! I couldnt have said it better myself! Good luck on the plane ride! If people dont like the fact you are traveling with all your kids then they can kiss it and take their prissy butts on another flight. Your children (and others) are our future and will dictate what happens when we as parents can no longer dictate what's going on. Thank you for putting your life out there for everyone to read about. :)

Danielle said...

Excellent Excellent post Dawn! Glad to hear we have the same ideas about discipline.

You're getting more popular - the haters are coming out. Jealousy does ugly things to people. Happily for you, you can laugh all the way to the bank! LOL

Anonymous said...

You go Dawn! One thing I always love about those who condemn the "toxic things we put in our bodies" like coffee should take a closer look at the things they themselves may think as okay... Let's take hotdogs. Do they know what's in those? How about white flour and sugar... studies certainly show that those items can be unhealthy for us... How about milk... let's see, tons of cow estrogens.... I could go on. Point is, someone who is apparently so perfect really shouldn't be lowering themselves down here to the "real world" where the rest of us live. You are the greatest and the funniest mom I know. I read your blog everyday and as a fellow mom have to tell you that you have truly nailed what it is to be a mother. :) Keep up the great work!!!

Jill said...

Dawn,
I bet your children will be just fine on your flight. Didn't you use the phrase "house devils & street angels"? Even if they aren't perfect, seriously, do you think you will ever see any of those people on the flight again?
I have 4 "house devils/street angels", and I am always amazed at the comments we hear at Parent Teacher conference.
"I really wish your daughter would talk more in class." (Are you kidding? She hasn't stopped talking since she learned how. Our last car trip she talked for 4 hours straight!)
"Your son is so quiet, it would be nice if he could come out of his shell and participate with the class more often" (Could you please send this "shell" home with him, I could use a little quiet, and maybe it will keep him from boring any more holes in the walls.)
I was also shocked a few weeks ago when the older couple that always sits behind us in church complimented us on how well behaved our children are. They seemed sincere, but I couldn't help but wonder if they were being just a bit sarcastic. Maybe they just fell asleep during the meeting, and had a lovely dream that our kids were behaving. (I have had that dream before, it always ends with a small child poking me in the eye.......)
Thank you so much for the time you put into your blog! As a SAHM I sometimes feel that my computer is my only link to the outside world ;-).
Your stories are the highlight of my day.
DAWN, YOU ROCK!!!

Kristy said...

Thats awful people leave harsh comments on here, if they don't like it, why read it? I for one love coming here and reading everyday. I hope ya'll have a fantastic trip! I went home in May with my 4 kids. My 6 and 7 year old talked this old lady to death, but she enjoyed every minute of it I believe (thank goodness)! My 2 year old did "Okay", the baby slept most of the way. So it is possible to have an okay flight and i'm sure your crew will do just fine. I love the comments about "controlling" your kids. I think I get to envolved, the long drawn out example of talking your child to death about hitting sounds just like me. MY POOR KIDS! Guess I need to learn to hush, huh? lol

Shellie said...

Too bad you didn't know more about the Mormon religion because then you would know that one of the main concepts we teach is free agency. As in God is not trying to control us and he doesn't expect us to control each other either, like that is how Lucifer got himself in trouble :) but we try to teach and learn how to make wise choices so we will have good consecuences instead of bad ones. Unfortunately, no matter how often we are also taught to love and respect others as Jesus loves us and not judge, some have a really, really hard time with this. I don't judge them though, because in studying psychology I have learned there are a lot of disorders that cause people to have rigid and hypocritical views and it is really quite challenging for them to see things through less distorted glasses. As for anyone thinking they could actually control their children anyway, they probably haven't figured out that they're not immortal either! Have a great trip, and enjoy the ride no matter what happens.

Karen said...

I'm sorry you've started your vacation out on this note. I'm sure your kids acted like, well kids, on the airplane. And that's great. They'll also act like kids on vacation and everyone will have a great time. Because I know you're a parent that teaches and expects obedience.

I missed that parenting book. I'll have to go read it. He sounds like a wise man.

roseys madhouse said...

You go Girlfriend!!!!!!
I think its hilarious when people without children make comments like that. I get my children to be themselves also and all we can do is guide them. In saying this though darl I think you deserve a medal for taking your children on a plane. I dont think I could do it with our tribe, our planes only have three seats each side of the plane and the decision of whom to sit together and whom to sit near us so as they didnt annoy their siblings lol. I hope you feel better soon and enjoy your holiday as Im sure you will. We have only just finished our holidays and I am so grateful that school is back. I get time to myself again lol.

Anonymous said...

Love the ideas behind that discipline. Although, does it still count as natural consequences when I let her run around the couch like a banshee and make braking sounds when it's time to stop and take a bite of her green beans? She did eat a 1/2 cup worth of green beans so I feel it was a success for my 25 lb two and a half year old!! :)

And good response to both the coffee comment and the "control freak". Some people should just mind their own business!

-Alice

jodi said...

Love the post..right on! Love the blog, love the humor and hope you keep it up for years...brings back many memories of my six when they were small

jenerekfamily said...

I truly appreciate your blog. It is refreshing to see parents who, instead of whining about and speaking ill of their children, genuinely get a kick out of their oddities. I have a 3 year old boy and 20 month old daughter. My boy is pretty precocious and gets into everything - so I have many obnoxious messes to clean up daily. I am grateful that you remind me to have a sense of humor and just remember that kids are kids. I am glad that he is interested in so many things - it will get him somewhere in life. :) Anyway, I can really tell that you think your children are fabulous people. I love that!

Bear Bits said...

My children were taught to be respectful of others and that included watching their noise level in the presence of others. It was right up there with saying please, thank you, and keeping your feet off the table.
(Is this a genetic thing? My granddaughter likes to put her feet on the table as well! Elbows were never a problem!)
More than once I left a shopping cart or an event because children weren't minding their manners.
Got a crying toddler or baby and still shopping? - To me that screams the parent does not have any manners. That parent has no consideration to those shopping around them or what is even worse - their child's needs.
Party all night? Must be a moon sign. This Gramma got to play all night as well this past weekend. I though, secretly love every extra minute of together time we can squeeze into a visit!

Anonymous said...

Well, of COURSE you must be Mormon. You have more than three children!! Isn't that how it works?

ps - that was deeply sarcastic, in case anyone was wondering.

silverwaters said...

I heartily agree with this post. I like your approach and how better for kids to be ready for the 'real world' than to learn consequences for their actions early on. It also saves us, as parents on nerves (God knows we need those dealing with the messes, sickness, broken hearts and all the rest we have to deal with!) to just stand firm on the consequence regardless and they'll learn. My 6 yr old will make a scene about food at times, saying she's full and all. I just let her know that before any other food is served, she's gotta finish what's on her plate (snacks included). That usually solves it and she's done in time like the rest of us. She does either serve herself or I ask her the portion size so I know she can eat it all, but this way she's deciding when and where.
One other thing, I think we as parents need to remember that children have personalities, difficult days, preferences, etc. Some parents spend so much time trying to 'control' their kids to fit their mold of what they think should be done that a double standard arises. I mean, who hasn't had days when a particular food didn't appeal to them? Or a difficult time getting a chore or work done. How would we like it if we had some big ogre standing over us yelling at us to get it done? Do unto others, I guess...
I'm going to be flying with my 3 for the first time on a 9 hr flight. Any tips and tricks on keeping them happy, against air sickness, pressure, etc would be nice to hear...

jijane21 said...

I love reading your blog, it's the first thing I do every morning!!!

I only have 2 kids but my oldest (2 1/2) is a fiery little girl and throws big fits every where we go and people just look at me like "What are you going to do about it" I let her throw her fit. It's like they think I've asked her before we leave home "Please throw a fit at the store so everyone will stare at Mommy!"

What is it too with people leaving nasty comments, I see this all over the web! If you are one of those that leaves nasty comments to people I have some great advice for you, DON'T READ IT!!

Jill said...

Well, I'm sure the closeminded jerk only made the Mormon comment because, you know, only people with religious obligations would WILLINGLY have that many kids. ;)

I didn't even know Mormons weren't allowed to have coffee. I'll have to ask my LDS friend about that one.

And isn't it always the childless folks who think that every kid should be a silent robot, or that you should be able to exert total control over every aspect of their little lives? Even if they don't come out and say that they have no kids, it's pretty obvious. So therefore their comments have no merit: it'd be like, to use a phrase from the fabulous Hathor, "a virgin critiquing a porn film." Hee hee hee!

Jessica said...

Hi Dawn,

Just wanted to add my two sense - I love your blog and your sense of humor. Anyone that can manage six kids and still have the brain cells to put together a cohesive sentence, let alone make people laugh, is pretty impressive. Good luck on your trip!

Kia said...

I'm sadly not blessed with kids, so I'm enjoying them vicariously through you =)

There's nothing worse than a parent who nags - kids just switch off. I love that you let them discover consequences of their own action, that you appreciate kids need to burn energy, that you actually spend time with your kids - I think you're doing great.

I totally agree about choosing which things are a big deal.
Does it matter if a toddler really wants to wear his superman costume to the grocery store? Nope, it's not worth the battle.

Don't sweat the small stuff and you're kids are more likely to listen when it really is a big deal.

For Shal - I was a dawdler with my food as a kid. Just happens that I prefer most things cool/cold, so I'd mess with it until it was cool to my preference =) Even now I prefer most foods less than hot.

Kia x

Sara said...

How DARE people talk back to you? You are made of awesome!

Anonymous said...

Good luck on your trip!! Hope you start to feel better. ~Laura

Diana said...

I love your blog..thank you for sharing your life with us. Glad to hear no one else is throwing up...hope you feel better soon.

I am the praying type, I will remember Julian, his family and doctors in my prayers.

Kitty said...

I'm convinced that the only people who have the guts to speak harshly over other people's lives when it comes to raising children are those who don't have children themselves.

Sarah said...

Hi Dawn,
Wow - I always read, often laugh and now and then go WOW, when I look in here. Today was a WOW!
Thank you.

cakeburnette said...

It made me sad to see that the nasty commenters have struck your site, too. All of my favorite bloggers have posted a variant of this post and it never fails to make me furious! Why can't people who (stupidly) get offended just fade away into the sunset? Why to they have to leave such unnecessary comments to let you know there's a nameless, faceless somebody out there who disapproves with you? Sheesh!

Donna said...

Don't let the judgmental ones get under your skin. Nobody's perfect. And there's more than one right way to raise children.

I love your honesty.

suburbancorrespondent said...

Natural consequences and modeling (sp?) proper behavior are great, as long as they work. But we had one kid that we had to starve into saying "Thank you," believe it or not. And another who didn't care if she was getting bad grades and getting into trouble at school. That's when you have to get more draconian. If anyone is in this situation, Ending the Homework Hassle by John Rosemond is an excellent book. He espouses the hands-off method that Dawn describes, but he also gives ideas on what to do if your child needs a little more, um, motivation. And he's very funny! I love his books. Read TeenProofing too. It's hysterical - especially the "Kaboom!" story.

Elisabeth said...

Hi!

I've been reading your blog for quite som time now and I LOVE it!
I recived the link in a mail, and I can tell you we are many readers in Norway!

Hope you're felling better and that you'll have a blast on your vacation!

nutralady2001 said...

Hi Dawn just doing a catch-up on your blog .....kinda speechless over the Mormon/coffee swipe taken at you...*rolls eyes*......people who sit in front of computers making judgement calls on peoples' blogs have too much time on their hands how about going out and doing a kind deed for some-one, nasty person?

Whew glad I got THAT off my chest.

Hope you have a terrific holiday! I remember flying to England in 1982 ( a 24 hour trip from Australia w/o a stopover ) with an ADHD 6 year old.........I think he was so in awe of the Big Trip and the Nintendo games we bought duty-free for him to while away the time( thank God they'd been invented then ..Octopus was his favourite) that we survived quite nicely. I was in awe of a Mum with 3 children under 3 making the same trip...(BY HERSELF)...passengers took it in turns to hold one while she tended to another and she smiled the whole way I've never forgotten it...Mother of the Year ... I think you will be up for the next award, have a fabulous time ! You deserve it

Oh the ADHD 6 year old? They say these kids are bright but often don't perform well at school, well when he was about 12 we made the bi-annual 3 day car trip to my Mum's, we had 3 children by then the other 2 were 4 and 2. They had just brought out Rubik's Clock, (after Rubik's Cube)there were about 6 clock faces on both sides and you had to get them to all be at 12 o'clock....we thought that would keep him occupied. About 3 hours into the first day he announced "Done it! " I looked and he had.....so I scrambled it all up again and gave it back....1/2 an hour later "Done it! " From there it was a matter of getting the time down with me scrambling it each time so he didn't cheat...by the time we got to Mum's 3 days later he'd got the time down to about FIFTEEN SECONDS ..I kid you not

AKB said...

All religions have their faults and we are not perfect. either. We strive to be, and clearly, that person has a long way to go if he is judging you without even reading your whole site. You have already addressed the topic of your religion.
I married a mormon and he cheated and ran out on his kids to be with his slut and left me hanging with three kids, and now he is more than 16 weeks behind in child support. Lovely Mormon! I am now maried to another mormon (I am by the way too) who is nothing like the first one. This one is perfect, to me and he sets an awesome example for my kids.

Love your blog, be careful on the plane with the kids, people can be so mean and uncompassionate when it comes to plane comfort. And let the judging and mean people slide off your back. You are handling the pressure very well.
Hugs to the family,
AKB

Valarie said...

Let me start out by saying I LOVED this blog. I am going to have to go find me that book!
As a mother of 4 young children I love being able to read your blog and feel normal! You "get it!" It's been great to find others that "get it."
And, as a mormon, I would like to say that although I choose to not drink coffee I have nothing against coffee drinkers! To each his own. Hope you feel better soon!

Stella said...

Great response!
Maybe instead of worrying about controlling your kids that person should think about tolerance for all and if that doesn't work a nice sedative should do the trick...or a baseball bat to the head- whatever floats your boat!

I, too, love coffee flavored cream.

Just another prayer request, I see you've linked them on your page, but Ethan Powell had leukemia found last week again after a transplant and cell transfusion.

Melissa Garrett said...

GREAT post!

Anonymous said...

Coffee??? There's coffee here??? I looked up and down and I can't find it, it's not fair!!! Wahhhhhh!! :)
Those sound like great books, very similar to Kevin Leaman's 'How to make your children mind without losing yours'.
Anyway, all this to just say that you have really been a bright spot in my days, we just recently moved to Japan, and I've been very homesick, you bring a smile to my day everyday. Thank you for the blessing you give me. :)

Sarah said...

Dawn you do realize your my hero right? I have 3 ranging from 12 to 3 and I get absolutley livid when pple make stupid comments like that. But like the proverb says. better the world to think you a fool than to open your mouth and confirm it!!!
The thing about Hal Runkel that I love is that he is showing you how to teach your children (and you) self accountability. Thats such a grand thing :-)Hope the tummy virus abates so some normalcy can return. I will keep Mimi and Julian in my prayers.I hope you have an outstanding day!

txmomx6 said...

I also parent by the "natural consequences" theory for our 6 kids. I just blogged about my child who chooses not to study and so chooses to fail his class. Letting go of control is a lot easier said than done but it's the only way to make sure they'll be able to function as adults (besides, we really don't have as much control as we think we do). Because really, isn't the goal to get them to move out?! (Oh yeah, and be to be successful, of course!)

Erika said...

your blog, your rules!!! :)

if people don't like what they see, click to a different site.

you're the greatest!!!!!! i totally agree with what you said in regards to discipline and what not (i just need to remind myself NOT to get so emotional...an ongoing battle :)

thanks for sharing your blog with me and hundreds (ah, i mean) thousands of people!

have fun at disney. we went last year and it was a BLAST. you'll have as much fun as your kids. and watching your kids have so much fun with be so awesome too!

Jacque said...

I hope you are preparing for your career in parent educator! I raise my children with the same standards. They are now 15, 13, and 11 and just wonderful kids. They get good grades without being nagged or even reminded to do their work. The world needs 10 - 20 million more parents like you!

Anonymous said...

Thank you Dawn for brightening my day and helping me to appreciate that the best things in life fly by so quickly that we often miss them completely.

To Julian, his parents and everyone who knows or loves him or anyone else suffering in such a truly senseless way; my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say I love reading your blog. You have such a way with words.
I don't have any children at all, but I enjoy reading about people who do.
I'm sorry that people feel it necessary to leave nasty comments, although I would like to point out that many of your readers assumed the person who left the message was a Mormon. I'm not a Mormon, but I find it diffucult to believe that someone who actually is a Mormon would say something like that... just a thought.
Keep up the good work, have fun in Florida!

Janice

Jennifer said...

Boy someone doesn't read you bog closely. We all know you're not mormon. And to be honest I know plenty of mormons who drink soda, eat chocolate, all things I thought were big no-no's, since there is caffeine in those products.
Good luck on the plane. We took my (at the time) 13 mo old son to CA from Chicago and you would have thought we brought the Ebola virus onboard based on some of the looks we got. A DVD player can work miracles.

Anonymous said...

Along with the parenting resources you've mentioned, I'd recommend "Parenting with Love and Logic" which also deals with natural consequences (real life stuff). It also teaches kids to take responsibility and fix their own problems. It's actually brilliant.

Thanks for your wit and humor - and for sharing your journey with the world.

Dana said...

OH there is no way that I go this day without commenting on your blog. Number one you don't HAVE to be mormon to have 6 kids although I actually am. But more to the point, I just love the attitude we with lots of kids get when we do things like fly on planes and just take our family out for dinner. Don't get me wrong I have had some very helpful hands and comments in my lifetime of flying with children. I even once had someone tell me I needed to have my husband "snipped" . I was pregnant with #4. HOw rude!!! These people that love to comment on mine and my husbands sex life and the fact that we have "so many kids" makes me sick sometimes. I am pregnant with #7 and can't count how many times people say don't you know what causes that? Well to that I want to say I do and guess what just because you don't like it I think I am going to forget what causes that maybe another 5 or six times. That would give me 12 kids? How do you like them apples. NO really my children, your children, and everyone else that has children, they are precious gifts from God and how could you decide to send anyone of them back? YOu can't. I commend you for have six and say way to go girl for sticking up for yourself. Dana

Jenny said...

I had my second son (one year old) on a plane once and a lady refused to sit by us. She immediately asked the stewardess if she could switch seats. My son slept the entire flight. I wanted to yell "Ha, in your face!!!". I was quite happy when she walked by to go to the bathroom and saw him sleeping peacefully. I secretly hoped she would flush while seated back there and it would suck her out.

Thehotrod5 said...

Wow I can't believe the ignorant comments those people had posted! Do people really have nothing better to do with their time than to search the net for blogs then make such narsty comments?! really....

At any rate..thanks for all the info on the books. We have heard of 1,2,3 magic and read Love and Logic (luv it!). I seem to do pretty good but many time but often see Beast from Beauty and the Beast rear his ugly head. Hum...going to write down the name of that book and look for it at the library! Thanks!

Angela

Chantelle said...

I like your blog. I also like coffee.
All of these takes on parenting sound very sensible to me and I am filing them away mentally for later. My son is only 6 months old, so the extent of my parenting discipline at the moment is trying to get him to stop pinching me when he breastfeeds.

Holly said...

Regarding children on airplanes (also in restaurants and other public locations) I don't know where folks started getting the idea it's their right to live in the world utterly unaffected by the other people who live in the world, particularly children. Sometimes I want to say, "I understand. Sharing is hard for someone at your developmental level."

On the subject of homework, BLESS YOU FOREVER for saying that children should be responsible for their own homework. Every year the school sends home these "parent responsibility" forms for us to sign, and I always scratch out the part that says I'm responsible for making her do her homework. (Then I angst the rest of the year about what the school staff must think of me.)

Rusheika said...

Thanks for sharing. I am trying to adopt that parenting style. Its good to hear how others do things.. lets me know I am on the right track!

Thanks,

A mother of 3 under 4

Bridget said...

Amen Sister!

Anonymous said...

I couldn't have put it better myself. Wow!

My kids are all grown, except for one at home, and I'm a new grandma now. I was a single mom for almost ten years, and I struggled with the screaming thing. Finally got it under control, and it made all the difference.

Thanks for all the laughs. It reminds me of all the joy and frustration when my kids were small.

Janet said...

Thank you for the book commentary! I do find myself yelling and I don't like it. (Usually it has to do with my older child beating my younger child over the head with any object at hand. Repeatedly.) We gave up on the food thing a long time ago. When they're hungry they eat. As to planes, I have traveled by air with and without kids, and there is almost always a crying baby. And why should anyone be surprised by this? You're cramped into a seat for several hours, you can't move, it's usually too hot or too cold, they charge extra for the inflight movie you wouldn't have rented if you had the choice, and your ears are stopped up. It makes me want to cry, too. And let's talk about those supremely inconsiderate people who bathe in gallons of perfume right before boarding. It doesn't matter where they are on the plane, you know they're there. I'll take screaming babies any day. Have a good trip, and if anyone gives you dirty looks, you could "accidentally" hit them in the head with the diaper bag as you go by. :)

srah said...

When you talked about a guitar and a whole bunch of kids on a plane, it made me think of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQXvfAY1MmQ

Genevere said...

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! I've been dealing for years with other moms who say I'm ruining my kids life becaue I don't make them eat everything on their plate. I don't "make" them do anything really. But they love the smile on my face, or the allowance they get, or that special feeling in their hearts when they do something right. I love you Dawn!

maggiebsmocks said...

Natural and Logical Consequences: EXACTLY! I never had an arguement over homework with my children. They either did it or didn't. The learned doing it was better in the longrun.

About that flight: my only word of advice: pack a change of clothes for everyone (including you) in your backpacks. Having been ralphed on IN the plane, I know this.

For the rest of you perfect parents who think Dawn isn't doing it right, seems like her children are pretty happy and comfortable within themselves. That speaks volumes.

Enjoy the day, maggieb!

garrettsmommy said...

I have enjoyed reading your blog. I am so pleased to find you have this great attitude about raising your kids. Keep up the good work! I will have to check that book out. :)

Genevere said...

I'm mormon and people always say to me. "Why do you only have two kids??" I'll never understand judgements people make.

Dede said...

I have read your blog since the ebay auction, and I love it. I am like you when you say you didn't ask the nasty comment person to read your blog much less comment on. I do like the advice on the emotional parent, I am a screamer and I am working on it. Old habits die hard. I am going to get the book and hopefully it will help. I haven't taken that approach to homework either. My 9 year old hates it and we fight every night, I think I will take your approach now and let him deal with it. Thanks for the great advice. Hope you feel better soon. And I hope the trip goes well.

Karen said...

Hi D,

I will shamelessly admit it, you are my idol. I am a SAHM with a part time job as a writer for a software company and I have to say, in order to get my brain pumping in the morning, I log on to your blog first thing. You are great and your information about scream free parenting is right on; I've read several books about it as well, if I had any brain cells left I'd tell you the titles,... I'm having my fifth in a couple of months, give or take and I can tell you as an avid world traveller (WITH CHILDREN!ACK!)that you will all be just fine on the plane. Bring dry snacks, books, crayons and paper, MP3s, gameboys if you believe in that sort of thing, little activity books, whatever to occupy them. I have a 'drink all the pop/soda/coke/juice (depending on the age) you want on the airplane' and that alone is enough of a treat for the kiddos.

Have a great time!

Brenda said...

I'm sorry to hear about Julian and will continue to pray for him. I love your parenting philosophy and follow it myself! We have 5 children and they are raised the Parenting With Love and Logic way which is very similar! Feel better soon.

homefire said...

I like your philosophy of discipline. The problem with so many kids these days is that they have never learned responsibility, because parents micromanaged them.

Question for you: Are you happy with BlogHer? Any problems? You can answer on my blog if you can find time. Thanks~

Mel said...

Yay, a new blog to read by a fellow happy clappy SAHM with a sense of humour. I often tell moms not to apologize or feel dreadful if their kids misbehave. Sure discipline them but its not the mom having the tantrum or meltdown. Well, not always the mom!

Anonymous said...

Hi Dawn,
I really liked what you said today - a good reminder for good parenting! I took a positive discipline class, and the two words that pop into my little brain when something goes wrong "kind and firm" - if I am being kind to my son and if I am being consistent and firm with my actions - then things will most likely turn out well in the end. So far so true! I hope you feel better soon!
Sincerely, Pam (Seattle)

LunaNik said...

BRAVO! Your best post yet! I've been lurking around your blog for quite some time now and have never commented (this post forced me out of the wood work). I couldn't agree more on being responsible to your kids and not for them. Also, congrats on all of your success. It's so nice to see a hard working mom get the recognition she deserves!

Pavel said...

Hi, I'm glad I found your blog because I have three of my own and any parent with six kids who still has a sense of humor and good parenting advice is someone I want to get to know!

I'm bookmarking you right now! (smile)

Ginny said...

I've read 123 Magic, but now the other one. It sounds like a good read & something I do need. You are very right in helping your kids, not controlling them. It is something I work at doing. Now to master the no yelling, that is a tough one! Love your sense of humor & sorry for the nasty comments!!!! Every good blog gets them though :)

Anonymous said...

Wow, I think that I need to read those books. The whole did you hit your sister thing is totally me, accept in our house we say brother. You know how you get that lump in your throat, and its hard to swallow, I totally had that. I feel so bad for my 3yr old. I know that I yell at him a lot, and I should be more patient with him. Your entry today was kind of like a wake up call. *sigh* Btw, nice blog, I enjoy reading it!

April said...

Isn't it unbelievable how people think that they should butt into our business?? Every time I've flown with my kids (longest trip - Florida to Hawaii when they were 3 and 9 mos) - most passengers were incredibly friendly - although there was always ONE who would give us the nasty look - "I have to sit where?" and then roll their eyes. BUT, each and every time, those same people apologized (in their own way) at the end of the flight by making a very nice compliment about how well behaved the kids were, how quiet, etc. We just kept them entertained. Portable DVDs are GREAT and lots of fun snacks that they don't eat regularly at home. Have SO much fun!! BTW - the Mormon guy obviously doesn't know how to read - you did cover this a long time ago (that you're not Mormon), right?

Laura said...

Dawn, reading your blog is refreshing and real...to realize that others with largish families also deal with the chaos and craziness that is a daily part of my home. We also have 6 kids, and are a military family preparing to move again...thanks for lightening my days for me! Hope you guys have a good trip!

Michelle said...

I'm the same way with my kids. It's impossible to control them in my opinion. Thanks for posting this :)

Christine said...

Why is it that people assume you're mormon? Do they think Mormons are the only ones with large families? That's just silly. I liked what you said about raising kids. It's all great advice but you're right that it's easier said than done. I've gotten better and more relaxed about stuff with each baby so maybe I need to keep having kids til I get it right?? lol

Annie Mouse Lee said...

Dawn- I dont think the person who judged you as a Mormon was a Mormon. I am one and have found thru the years that we are watched closely by others and judged. If someone were of a different faith and killed someone it would be reported in the paper as a random killing, if it were a Mormon it would be reported and the last words of the article would state. He is a Mormon.
Keep up the good work.

Kimi said...

I completely agree with you about disciplining/yelling at your children. I am the mother of a 3 year old and a 1 year old. I absolutely LOVE the book 1-2-3 Magic. It has really helped in dealing with my 3 year old.

Anonymous said...

You Rock !! Maybe you should learn more about Mormons ... interesting reading !!

Rachel said...

I'm a big fan of the "natural consequences" form of parenting. There's another series of books under the umbrella of "Love & Logic" that gives some great, practical examples (my hard part was figuring out what a "natural consequence" of some types of behavior should be!)

ummmhello said...

Our family doctor recommended 1-2-3 Magic bc our little one is very smart but pretty crazy. It was hard from a consistency standpoint (sometimes it's easier to just say OH FORGET IT while I'm making dinner....) but it works once everyone knows the deal. My older one is the "do it or don't, but it's your responsibility" and that works for him. And um, I believe you pointed out a while ago that you're not Mormon :)
Thanks for inspiring me to blog and for sharing your family with us!

Sarah said...

OK, so let me ask this to follow up on Shal's comment: if your child chooses not to eat what is offered for a meal, and you explain that the natural consequence is that the child will then be hungry - what do you do an hour later when the child is crying with hunger? Pull out the old supper plate or offer a pb&j? reminding her that she made a choice an hour ago to be hungry seems beyond the conceptual abilities of my kids at this age (3 and 4), and letting her go to bed hungry isn't going to do any of us any good...I'm going to have to order the screamfree parenting book but give me a preview of the answer if you have time.

I really love your blog -

Katie said...

I love getting advice from people who obviously don't have children. Because they seem to know everything about child rearing. Thank goodness we have them around! Oh - and I'm Mormon, and I LOVE your blog - even if you do advertise coffee. ;)

Anonymous said...

Dawn,
I love your parenting philosophy. I need to keep telling my self, as a mom of 4 school age boys, that it is their responsibility to do their work. I am constantly harping to get it done. Please don't let the comment section worry you. You will get all types here. I am sure the ones that "stick with you" are the ones that disagree with you or think they know it all.
When reading your blog I know, and can relate to so many of your stories, that you are taking "creative license" with your storytelling. Boy have I got a few for you! Keep up the good work and looking forward to the book!
Lisa T.

Anonymous said...

Amen, girlie! We use "reality discipline" in our home, too!

Libi said...

Dawn,

Living in the land of Mormondom, (and not being one anymore), I can tell you that, no, it's not part of their doctrine. Unfortunately, it happens frequently anyway. But! I think it happens all the time in other religions too. How often have I heard "Oh, great, she's a Christian and she....." (you fill in the blank)

I was raised the same way (concerning the homework) and I do the same thing with my two. My daughter, who recently went to high school after being homeschooled for 6 years, is totally responsible for her homework. I am interested, as in I will ask if she has any to do and how's she doing and I will help if she requests it, but she is responsible for her own work. My son is still homeschooled and it's as simple as no TV till schoolwork's done. If you don't want to do schoolwork today, that's fine, you don't get TV today. No screaming, no yelling, no fuss.

You're doing a great job. When that ad came out on Ebay, we passed that thing around the homeschooling community like crazy. We all identify with you!

Have a great week!

AZMom said...

Great job to the moron who needs to be judgemental. I'm glad you didn't give him/her the audience he/she wanted by posting on your site.

I like your parenting advice. I am going to have to look up that book. I try really hard to make the punishment fit the crime in our house. It doesn't always work but I guess we aren't always perfect either. :)

Feel better!

Theresa said...

Years ago when my daughters were very little I got one of those gems of parenting advice from my friend Suzanne. She said "when they are 30 who will care?" She asked me "so when was the last time someone asked you at a cocktail party if you sucked your thumb at 5?", The idea was simply to look at the long range consequences of a behavior before freaking out or thinking that I was a bad mom.
I think that the books you are talking about sound like good parenting advice. I think one of the things we need to teach our children is self discipline. If all your controls are external, what happens when you no longer have them? How do you know what choices to make? Childhood is the time to make your mistakes before they really affect someone else.
The children who are pests on the plane etc, usually don't know how to entertain themselves or the flight is simply too long for them to sit still for so long. If I had a choice and I was traveling with kids, I'd try to get on a nighttime flight, and do everything I could to make sure the kids were tired when they go on the plane, not so tired that they were cranky, but just tired enough to go to sleep.
Good luck on your trip! I also think that the best gifts we can give our children are memories and experiences.
Theresa

Kendra Field-Bennett said...

We do the same at dinner, if I were to make a different meal for every kid, I'd never leave the kitchen! You don't like dinner? Bummer, you will be hungry because that's what we're having.

And for the person with the dawdler eater...we have a visual timer and use that to help the little one understand when dinner will be over. We'd be at the table for hours if we didn't use it. He gets it, though and starts eating when the time is running out. We make it a reasonable time, too, obviously.

Going to try the no yelling parenting, we aren't negotiators but we do tend to talk too much!

Good luck with the plane ride (we had one from hell the last time...baby blew out a diaper, toddlers were screaming, it was nice)

Kendra
www.field-bennettfamily.blogspot.com

Angie said...

I love your blog. And I agree with you about discipline. I have 4 kids 18, 14 and 8 year old twins. They are very good kids, I've been blessed. And i NEVER sat with them to do homework (unless they asked me for help), that is their job. They know that for every decision (good or bad) there is a consequence (good or bad).
Being a parent it's the hardest job on earth, we must make sure that we help these children be good men and women. We can't hold their hands for ever.
I hope you feel better soonish! And thank you for your wonderful sense of humor :)

René said...

Well said. I only read two of your adventures and one was the pokemon e-bay story. Hilarious.
Ignore the morons out there.

Keep up the good work

Sharon said...

Oh Dawn! I'm 53, read and LAUGH at your blog, never thought I'd leave a comment, but YOU GO GIRL!!! Great response to the rude folks! LOL!! Lovely....blessings to you and your family! :)
Sharon

ashley nicole said...

I didn't see a comment that mentioned it...but I don't think caffeine is allowed in the Mormon religion. At least that's what I was told when I visited Salt Lake City a couple of summers ago and asked why I had to have some fruit drink instead of a Coke. Oh, well...

Have a great trip!! Have a great day!!

Ginny Williams said...

LOVE THIS BLOG.....
wanted to make my first comment and second both the books mentioned. Have them, Read them, and LOVE them.
I only have 1 child, but love reading the humorous side of mothering from you and your readers. Keep up your wonderful work. Thank you for bringing that bit of sunshine into all of our lives.
~a mormon reader and mom

Cate said...

A very wise man gave me the following quote, which I've embraced in my parenting: "Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded". Keep on unfolding girl!

angie said...

Sad to hear the Mormon comment. It's the self-righteous ones in our church that really send the wrong message. Thanks to you for standing a little taller and for not passing judgement that our whole church must be like the person who made this ridiculous comment.

The Egel Nest said...

Simple theory...Mormons okay...morons..not okay :)

I have been enjoying your blog :)


Bradley
The Egel Nest

byrumnews said...

Dawn,
I have been reading your blog for a while now and like others didn't want to overwhelm you with comments. Just wanted to say that reading your blog is something that I look forward to everyday. I so appreciate that someone else out there is going through the same things that I am. I think I am going to have to have my husband check out that book. He is a step-dad to my children and unfortunatley gets pulled into a battle quite often. He is still learning. But he is a great guy.

Natalie said...

I have no kids, but I will be filing those titles away for future reading. Thanks for being so humorous and genuine at the same time.

Mom*2*5*princesses*&*2*peapod*girls said...

Okay, some people have WAY too much time on their hands. If they don't like your blog, then DON'T READ IT!! Dawn, are you holding a gun to their heads? No? Okay, then, that is FREEDOM OF CHOICE!!! Go somewhere else and post your tedious little complaints FAR AWAY from those of us who enjoy this site. Don't be a hypocrite. I really dislike hypocrites! Also, I agree with "controlling" your kids. OMGosh! There is NO way to control your children. We simply give them the guidelines and try to teach them to pick the responsible ones. Do they always? No! But then, are we perfect? I know for sure that I am not. I still make mistakes. When the day comes that I don't learn and make mistakes, then I might as well curl up in a ball and die. That is part of life! I would love to meet these people with their "perfect" children. The parents might be happy, but I can guarantee the children are not. Shame on anyone who would squelch a childs' personality!

Anonymous said...

As a grandmother I love reading your blog and do so every day. I want you to know I had six children and they have grown into six wonderful people with spouses who we love and 19 grandchildren that we adore. I share so many of your views.

As a Mormon, I must apologize for the zinger someone gave you. They surely must have been having a bad hair day. Also, make no mistake, as you reveal yourself and your family in your humorous manner, your love for your children, your caring, and your warmth shines through. Also shining through is their love for you. They'll be just fine on the plane--but they will still be kids. I can't wait to hear about it.

Thanks for allowing us to see real life and how smart it is to have fun with your children and view the day to day problems with humor and love. So much better than "control." ;)

Am I the only grandma that is addicted to your blog?

Gloria

Steph said...

Love the way you write and thanks for speaking of rall moms who fly. I often fly for business and I do my best to put the mom with the screaming child at ease and I have found that by being the passenger that says I have 2 at home don't worry if mine were here they woudl cry too that somehow those curmudgeonly passengers around me soften a bit and take it in stride.

Anonymous said...

Hi Dawn love your blog!! I heard about it while your were interviewed by the readio station in Iowa, and I just had to read it. Well done, there are peop[le out there that don't certantly talk from experience...but rather choose to critize, well I guess you have to look at your own acts before looking at somebody elses acts. Beinga mother of 3 I relate with you, I just wish my husband will read your blog, 'cause he thinks that is not nice to put other people through a little one crying and screamming (not like you as a parent is telling him/her to do it) but he rather keeo the kids at home that embarrese himself, idea that I don't share, so I usually talk him into going places :)
I'm with you nothing better than coffee (hey after all I'm Colombian;)
For the ones enjoying your writing will keep up with the reading.

Thank you

Diana

Expat Mom said...

I like the idea of screamfree parenting. My dad tried to turn us into robots and it just didn´t work . . . now we´re really out of control, ha! But seriously, I do try to take it easy with my kids. No fighting with them if they don´t eat (if they aren´t hungry, I´m not going to forcefeed them!)

As for babies partying it up at night, might as well send your little one over here so she can dance the night away with my two boys . . . they are usually up between 1-4 am!

Mich said...

Haven't any of those commenters heard of "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"? I mean, really, is it necessary to leave rude comments like that on someone's blog.

Sorry those people were so rude to you Dawn. You should not have had to explain your style of parenting.

Heidi said...

I'm a Mormon and I really appreciate the respectful way in which you handled this post. Thank you!

Also, great insights into disciplining children.

emcdonald said...

Screamfree Parenting sounds a lot like another good series of books called How to behave so your children will too" same idea.

Marcea said...

Well stated! I totally agree too. Good luck and hope you all have a good time!

Marcea

Mary said...

It amazes me that there are so many people out there telling you how to raise your family! Mmmm, My coffee is good today.... Have a good flight!

Valerie said...

Not that this whole thing really matters, but since it has come up, I just wondered if you know for sure that the person who made the comment about the coffee ad is LDS.

There are a lot of non-Mormon or ex-Mormon people out there that are just looking for a chance to call out a practicing Mormon for anything they can find. It's just something we get used to dealing with. In my experience, anyway, it's not usually the sort of thing we'd say to each other (just so you know, since you're starting to get treated like you were a Mormon--maybe we should adopt you or something and then you'd get the good benefits and friendships and not just the bad part:)

And I should also add that I really enjoy your point of view and insights on life. Thanks and good luck with all the things you have going.

laurac19 said...

I hope you all have a memorable trip, plane ride included! I also hope you're feeling better.

My thoughts and prayers will be with Julian and his family. All the best to them...

Laura

jenhirr said...

I am a mother of four and well into my thirties and in great shape. That is relevant because it makes me look very young and I always get the "You must be a teenage mother" attitude from people. Some times people are just stupid and it's not about you or me. Just them.
You mentioned you don't much about the mormom religion so here's some friendly info: We prefer to be refered to as The church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and we certainly don't believe in being judgemental. I believe that our gospel is perfect but that people aren't. I am trying to be the best I can by following the gospel but as with any group or religion people have flaws. Regardless, noone should be lashing out at others. We also believe that we have our own agency. Satan wanted to come to earth and force everyone to behave but Jesus Christ said that He would come to earth and teach us and love us and provide a good example so that we could then use our agency to make appropriate choices, much like how you explained your child raising philosophy. I applaud you! KEep at it.

proudmamma said...

I really enjoy reading your blog. I TOTALY agree with you! I'll have to check the book out. Also, I saw your segment on ABC News, and because of you I've started a blog. Mammatude. I know I need a way to connect to other Moms, being a SAHM with two in diapers. I'm new to blogging so I'd love some tips. Thanks and take care. Hope you feel better.

Mormon, and PROUD OF IT! said...

It is true. Mormons generally dont drink coffee.To find out more go to lds.org or find a local person to talk to.

Alida said...

Amen!!! I too was the perfect parent before I had kids. I've got to get a hold of that book.

I'm so glad to know there are others out there teaching their kids to think. Congratulations and good parenting.

mums the word said...

All Mormons aren't like that,For instance,some people are snobby,and some people are really nice,weather there Mormon or not.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Dawn...

Just so you know...

You were also the very first blog I ever read. Nowadays, it is generally one of the very first things I do in the morning. Why? Because your upbeat personality and keen sense of humor helps set the pace for my day!

How hard it must be to sort through these comments for posting; especially those that are so negative and judgemental!

Well, in regard to all those nay-sayers...as my country Granny C used to say, "It's better to say nothing and keep people WONDERING whether you're a fool than to say something that PROVES it!"

I'm buying that SCREAMING book (along with Phelan's "1,2,3, Magic" DVD) for my daughter who, unfortunately, learned those INEFFECTIVE disciplinary methods from her now-penitent mother! Thanks for the recommendations!

Lifting up prayers for Little Julian and his family!

Nancy Binky

Christina said...

Dawn,

I love your site. I am LDS (Mormon) and I am hoping that your run in with this person doesn't leave you with a negative image of us. :) Keep up the awesome parenting!

Kristin said...

As yet another Mormon who has been stalking your blog, sorry, we are not all like that.

As a mom of four boys and hoping to have more, tell the person on the plane, "Suck it up, they paid for their tickets just like he paid for his, deal with it." My mom actually said that to a guy when he thanked her for helping me keep my kids in good behavior on a plane.

Also love the movie comments, I love Ella Enchanted, the book is even better.

valkyrie_lisa said...

You go girl! How ridiculous for someone to assume you're Mormon just because you have a bunch of kids. Not all people who have lots of kids are Mormon, and not all Mormons have lots of kids. And as for the plane ride, people need to be more understanding (myself included). I'm sure you'll bring stuff along to entertain the kids, and I'm sure you'll do your best to keep them from screaming, running up and down the aisles, and kicking the seat in front of them. Duh!

By the way, I'm a relatively new reader, and I love your blog!

Dutch Momma said...

I agree with EVERYTHING you wrote... Especially with what you wrote about people minding their own business, and on controlling yourself: I always say that raising kids is done by setting good examples!!! You want them to say thank you? Keep that in mind when YOU don't, not even when your kid puts a fork in the dishwasher...
I took my kids to an amusement park today, I fought with a GRANDMA (!) who objected to my kids joining me in line after already standing in it for 30 minutes ('my grandkids will now have to miss 2 carts before it is their turn' well duh- are you afraid your day out will last 3 minutes longer???) but the highlight of my day came when my 7 year old, out of the blue, hugged me and said 'thanks for the great day mom...'
Amen indeed!!!

Queen Elaine said...

Good grief, I can't believe people take the time to make comments like that on your blog.

I'm going to buy that book you mentioned, I'm so tired of screaming at my kids! LOL!

Hope you feel better soon Dawn.

Kendra said...

Dawn-I love 1-2-3 Magic. The key is consistency and not losing it, staying emotionally uninvolved in the punishment (that's the hard part). Some days I do great, and the discipline works great, but somedays I have PMS...Oh Well, I'm doing my best. Don't worry about the mormon comment. There are judgmental people everywhere in every religion. I hope you feel better soon, cause when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Tammy said...

Shal, I was always a slow eater as a child, and my family never thought I ate enough because I was chronically thin. I remember one time when I was "too slow" and my grandparents sent my sister and cousins off with a bag of fudge that I'd spent all day helping my mother make. I did hurry up and finish, because I knew I wouldn't get a chance at a single piece of my handiwork if I didn't, but I resented it for years. I suppose it accomplished their purpose of getting the food in me and me out the door on that day, but it didn't change me; I'm still a slow eater. And you know what? I've learned that slow eaters have less of a tendency towards being overweight, because we give our bodies a chance to tell us we're full.

Which brings me to another common parental statement. "You know there are children starving in _favorite third-world country_." Having eaten until I was full, I was always more than ready to pack that food up and ship it off to them. LOL!

Anonymous said...

well, i've been reading your blog every day since your ebay listing and i absolutely love you!! :o) and as a mormon, i'm so sorry for the unfounded judgement on you. urrgggg. i guess there are ignorant judgemental people in every religion. so please accept my apology in behalf of most mormons out there. :o) also, i must say that i think your kids are incredibly lucky and blessed to have a mom like you. i need to take a little of your wisdom and apply it to my 2 kids. thanks so much for your great humor, insight, and wisdom. i can't wait for your book to come out. YAY!!

Liberty (yup, that's my real name) in Idaho

tearese said...

I can't believe those people left those comments on your site. DOn't you have anything better to do people!
RRR, it gets me mad. Or at least pretty annoyed.
Have fun on your trip!

Midwest Mommy said...

Wow, some people really have some nerve!

MKB said...

ROCK ON SISTA!!
:)
Have been in touch with Mimi - have our whole family and all our friends praying!

Anonymous said...

I loved your post. I am expectig my 4th child. My oldest is 6 and I get so many negative comments about the number if kids I have and how I handle it all. I also work outside the home part time. However, my husband and I made a choice that we would like 4 children. My kids love playing together, we love playing them and watching them grow and I can tell you that they do not always behave when we go out in public. But is that a reason for me not to have gotten pregnant with my fourth child? I don't think so. I went to the store one day and a family with three children walked by and the husband said to his wife, "look honey someone else who is crazy enough to have three kids." I really enjoyed your comments on controlling kids. It is so true, plus aren't we raising them to be mature adults who are responsible for their actions?

Kandy Seaton Smith said...

You go girl!

Mormons don't drink coffee? *boggles*

I used to have a dawdler at dinner too...my 11 year old daughter. We ended up setting the stove timer so she'd finish the same week as we did. Now she loves to race to be the first one done. Go figure.

Happy traveling :) I'm sure your gang will do just fine :) When we went to Vegas last month, a young couple traveled all the way with us from New Orleans through Houston and on to Vegas, and they had a 14 month old with them. They brought a bottle and when the pressure started, gave it to her. She was an excellent child on both flights other than the small bit of whining before they got their bottle to her. They told me (I was hanging over my seat making faces at her) that it was the first time she'd flown, and they'd researched everything. Everyone on board thought she was adorable.

I rambled. I'm good at that :)

Missy said...

It totally sucks that people are leaving you negative comments like that! Who do they think they are??? You are awesome!

It's funny that you wrote about 1-2-3 Magic today because I just started reading that yesterday. My son will be 2 in December and I can't wait to start this with him!

Heather said...

i LOVE 1.2.3 magic. i checked it out of the library when my oldest was 2. it works really well. my youngest is coming up on 2 and i'm looking forward to starting his time outs! when i can control myself that is. my husband and i have 4 kids and have a very similar parenting style to yours. i also must have a sense of humor, because i find your writing so funny. love the blog, it adds a fun couple minutes to my day.

Brandee said...

Thanks for showing me the book- I ordered it and will be reading it in a few days. I worked at a Child Care center for years and I know that natural consequences are so powerful. I now have a 1 year old and I want to use the principles I learned there.

Ross Momma said...

great post!

Vickie said...

First, Julian and his family are included in my prayers.

Second, I hope you are feeling better soon. I was under the impression from when I attended Mommie 101, that we weren't allowed to get sick. Or I guess you are following the get sick, but don't act it doctrine.

Third, I love your humor. It is a necessity for all moms.

Grace said...

Hi well said, I have a 3 year old Foster Son, and there are times he goes a little bit crazy like at church Sunday, and people look at me and tell me I am a bad parent because I dont Control him. I wish I had the guts to put them in there place, because they really dont seem to understand. Oh and I understand the Partying Baby too , Little G wanted to stay up, and Play all last night, Do you have any tips for getting him to go to sleep?

MomToAnAngel said...

I loved this post and couldn't agree more, that are plenty of ways to parent a child. I applaud you for your comments! Maybe that snake with slither back into the hole it came out of. Best of luck to you.

Nalventures said...

Thanks for all your insight. I love your blog!!

Kristin from California said...

Bravo Dawn on all your comments.
As a mormon I know how to make coffee for the office I work in but I don't drink it. Sorry someone had to be so judgemental. You are awesome.

My kids are slightly older then yours and I never gave into the trap of yelling, screaming or even try to reason with my kids when they were little.

In fact when my oldest was 3 he had thing for alligators and loved to clap his hand loud and scream "SNAP" all the time. My mom told me one time I should 'reason' with him. I ask you how many times have you won 'reasoning' with a 3 year old? Told her leave him alone he's not doing anything wrong and eventually he moved onto something else.

I don't think yelling, spanking, screaming or anything else emotional really helps a child calm down. I would just quiet when they would be misbehaving and then the boys would come to me and ask me if I was ok. I would tell them no and tell them why, Sorry mom would be what I would get.

I have found now that they are older they are much more confident teenagers, able to make good decisions for themselves and are much happier then some of their friends that are always told what to do.

Have a great time on your trip and if others don't like the kids on the plane then tough luck. Their time will come.

Life on the Edge said...

Isn't it amazing how many people are willing to tell you how to raise your children?

That's the easy part...telling

Actually DOING it is the hard, learn as you go, be prepared for mistakes, part of it!

Liz said...

Hey Dawn...sounds like you and I both have a lot in common where discipline is involved...glad to know I'm not the ONLY one out there who believes in natural consequences! Like when the kids decide it's too much work to grab their pads, then do something stupid on their kick scooter and wind up looking like a mummy wrapped in Band-Aids...

Praying for Julian's family to find comfort during this time, and for guidance for his treating doctors.

Sorry to hear you got baby's puke bug. My baby sitter has it today too :o( Hope it skips this house! You're a better person that I am...I'm not sure I would have blogged feeling like "mud!" But thanks for doing it! Feel better soon!

Liz
http://4guysn1liz.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

First off Dawn, I just want you to know that I find your blog hilarious! It brings a smile to my face every day there is a new post. Some of it I can relate because I have two kids of my own, and the other comes from being raised in a family of 7 kids.
That being said, I have always found your comments about mormons tasteful. You are very open-minded! At least in your blog. ;) You try very hard to not offend anyone. As we all know this is impossible, I think you give it a very good effort.
Anyway, going back to the Mormon thing, I always find it a touch amusing when people think that you are one just because you have six kids. I mean, they just assume things I suppose. Being LDS myself, I knew from the very get go that you are not LDS too. (This isn't a bad thing, no I don't think you're bad, or anything like unto it, it's like assuming someone is amish because they wear the same clothes as an amish person does. That's my weird analogy anyway.)
So, here's my little list of how from just merely reading your blog, instead of I guess, just looking at the pictures, I knew without writing and asking, that you aren't LDS.
1. You've said more than once that you're not. Gee that was hard.
2. In some of your earlier blogs you mention alcohal a lot...rum anyone? LDS people generally don't drink, so I therefore assumed, aha! She is not LDS.
3. You like coffee. This is not a bad thing, but "most" LDS people don't, meaning that we're not supposed to. Just like anything else in this life, we all have choices to make, and I have known people who have been LDS who drink, smoke, drink coffee, etc...but people who live an LDS lifestyle, don't.
4. You talk about when you go to church, and you tell people what the name of your church is, and since it isn't The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints...there's my big huge hit me on the forehead clue that no, you are not LDS.
That's about it. :) Like I said before, I think your blog is great, and you are amazing for being able to handle six kids without going completely insane. Really! In my mind, every day I read your blog I think wow. So, here's a big high five to you for doing a great job with your kids!

Megan said...

I am sorry that you got the comment that you did, but I am SO glad that you wrote this post. I definitely needed to hear (or read)that today!!

Anonymous said...

HI Dawn and other readers,
alot of your parenting technique can be found in the Love & Logic series that seriously promotes the best ideas in parenting, most of what you mentioned here. Kudos for doing it different than those of the past, and for doing it right.
check it out loveandlogic.com
and too bad people have time to write negative comments. Good answers to them.

Jessica said...

Dawn, I needed this post so badly. My 3 year-old and I have battled all morning and, I'll admit, I resorted to yelling. I agree that yelling isn't the best strategy and it certainly isn't the mom I want to be. The trouble I have is that it works, so when I'm tired or stressed, it's so much easier to just yell and scare him into obedience rather than taking the time to properly train him up. Thanks for the reminder and encouragement. Your blog provides a great break for me every day!

1boy4girls said...

Sorry about the Mormon thing. Most of us are pretty cool, but we are still people and sometimes we all do and say stupid things.

I totally love your blog. As a mom to 5 (9,8,6,2,1) I can so relate to it! Checking your blog is one of the highlights of my day (I know, I need to get a life). I sure enjoy your insight and humor. Thanks so much and keep it up!

Shandra said...

"You'd better not let your kids make too much noise on the plane. There's nothing worse than a parent who was irresponsible and had more kids than they can control."

That comment MUST have been said by someone who doesn't have kids. That is THE RUDEST comment I have heard in a while. I have 2 kids and at times I can't control them. So am I just supposed to stop having kids? Give me a break!! I have a 5 month old and a 2 year old. The 2 year old DEFINITELY has his moments but it's definitely a learning process. Anyway, it gets on my NERVES when people tell me that I sure have my hands full. ...as if I can't handle my job of being a mom!

Keep up the fun blog, Dawn.. and delete the rude comments!

Tess said...

I cannot fathom what some people are thinking when they leave you comments, bashing your parenting skills, etc. I am constantly in awe of you and all that you do...all the while keeping a great sense of humor. Keep up the great work and thank you for making me smile!

Anonymous said...

Oh, how I loved your retort. Everyone around me has 2 kids and looks at me like I have a spaceship growing out of my head - or out of my stomach (I have 4 kids and am majorly pregnant with #5) I am sure everyone thinks I have more kids than I can "control". I have come to your same conclusion. Having a family is not about "control" but about teaching our children responsibility. I think no one has more than 2 kids now a days because they feel can't "control" more than that. When you have finally realized you can't do it all and they'll have to do something for themselves, then you are a mother. Sorry, I'm sounding a bit preachy but what I meant is to say WAY TO GO! Love your blog and the mom thing. Hope you are feeling better!

darling72 said...

Thank you so much for your post today. I'm a busy mother of an only child from my first marriage. I work a very full time job and live in a part of the country where my commute is horrible. My daughter is in the 6th grade and is stuck in after school care until 6pm. My daughter's father gets very upset at me if her homework doesn't get done. I've always had the same attitude that you blogged about and now I'll have to go out and get that book so I can have some proof that I'm not just being a negligent mother. I have too many other things to do with my time than to hover over her to make sure she gets her homework done. Although I do generally ask her if she has homework and will suggest she do it, she's old enough to be able to take responsibility for her own actions and suffer the consequences if she doesn't actually get it done.

Anonymous said...

When people are on an airplane, they want peace and quiet. Be considerate and put paperbags over your little monkeys' heads.

Holly Maudsley said...

Dawn,
You're perspective is right on! Keep up the great work - I love to read everyday.

Anonymous said...

i love your blog!!! i have been hooked since the first day i read it. i have 4 kids at home...ages 9, 6 & 2 yr old twins... i so relate to so much of what you write about on a daily basis. thank you for sharing your experiences. makes the rest of us moms not feel so alone. thank you!

michelle

Mom said...

I know a lot of my friends wouldn’t read your blog if I paid them a million dollars. What’s wrong with that? Nothing .We are all entitled to our opinions ! If you don’t like it don’t read it, keep to yourself …Hmm.. That’s common sense and something we teach our children at a very early age.
I agree with a lot of what you say .I have five and I have found nothing is ever really so bad,
Actually my first blog to the public ,I was scared of what other people would think and you helped me overcome the fear. I told you before I used to write and leave it on my computer, and lost it all. When our children are doing bad , its not really that bad. I told you I am working on a book , and I have turned lost shoes into a page and its pretty darn funny to think about how a person stresses over silly things like lost socks and just by rethinking situations puts a different light on the matter.
Kids will be kids ..they are doing what they should do so many parents only see the things their children do as bad or see it as its something they shouldn’t do and think harsh punishment is the answer to getting it to stop .You are letting parents know nothing is so bad and we can all relate. All children shove things down toilets ,wet on the floors and throw food ..Its part of learning , growing,its part of LIFE ! Its not so bad .Your turning those annoying things into funny stories and it making people think . I like your blog , see you as a carrying loving parent who are letting her children explore and learn and also taking the right measures teaching her children to think on their own and most importantly you are in control !

Kelly B said...

you go mama!!! your blog is so damn inspiring, it still ceases to amaze me how many people actually take the time to be rude lol

keep up the good work ( tho i know you will!) and hang in there and beat this bug - i'm mentally wishing you a sick day - since none of us moms ever really get one.

My thoughts are with julian as well..... no child should ever have to deal with something like that!

Anonymous said...

I agree with everything you wrote today... and got a good laugh out of it too. It's true, we don't want to control our kids, but sometimes it seems it would be easier if we could. Anyway, as a Mormon I have to say I love your blog and I think you've got to be a great mom!

Paulette said...

Hope you get to feeling better and I just had to sneak out of lurkingville and say "WAY TO GO DAWN!!!" Love your responses. You rock!

Rachel - Phoenix, AZ said...

*applause*
You just hit my intolerances! I am not a mormon, however all my nieghbors are and I couldn't ask for better neighbors!! Also, I CANNOT stand when people look down on parents for not "controlling" their children. Thank you for your open mind. I agree whole-heartedly!!

Anonymous said...

Dawn,

I am actually reading ScreamFree Parenting right now, so it was really fun to read your blog today and see that you've found the book useful as well. I'm still working on mastering the emotional reactivity, since I seem to be nothing but a big ball of emotions sometimes! :)

I love reading your blog! I am a stay-at-home mom of a 5 yr old girl and a 16 month old boy and sometimes reading your blog is the only thing that helps me keep my humor and sanity through the day!

Keep up the great writing! (And the honesty- so many parents go through the things you describe in your blogs, but very few are brave or honest enough to "let it all hang out", so to speak. Personally, I love hearing someone else's real-life stories, rather than some so-called ideal of perfect parenting....it helps me to know that I am not alone!

Christina said...

i have been lurking for a while. love your blog! i wanted to say that screamfree parenting sounds so much like parenting with love and logic. screamfree will definelty be on my list of books to read. like you said, consistancy is the most important thing with this type of parenting and i find it incredibly difficult to do ALL the time. but when i do the methods correctly i get to see my little girl learn and figure stuff out on her own. it is a wonderful way to raise a thinking child rather than a child who is obidient bc they are scared of getting a spanking. that said, i still find myself slipping and yelling more often than i should. i need to read the books again!

2boys2girls in Michigan said...

I hate to ask this, but is there room for a laptop on your trip??? What will a (gasp) week be like without this blog?? I guess it's back to having a running dialouge with Elmo. Have a wonderful trip and a safe return. To Julian's mom- a prayer for you and your family.
Your discipline comments were right on the money. When I really want to yell - I force myself to whisper.

Anonymous said...

You are so right. I am continually amazed at all the "perfect parents" out there who have miraculously raised flawless children. Each child has his/her own personality and learns in their own way. If I've learned one thing as a parent it's that children are people too, and they are all different. That's not to say I haven't had my share of frustration, mainly due to the fact that I have fulfilled my own mother's wish that I would have a child just like me =) Keep up the good work and don't let the bad comments get to you, I think there are many more people who can relate and think your writing is hilarious!

*SJ* said...

It's true,Mormons try to avoid caffiene,but we do drink soda.I drink Pepsi,coke and Dr. pepper,and I'm mormon. "Coca Cola came to town, Mountain Dew shot him down,Dr. Pepper fixed him up,now we all drink 7-Up" That is a song that I learned at girls camp last year(I am 12 yo)(girls camp is for the girls ages 12-17.it is just like summer camp,only it is a few days long).

Kitterman's Khaos said...

AH consistency. looks good on paper, doesn't it? I wrote a post myself about consistency in parenting.
'Struggles for Coffee'
I so much enjoy what you have to say. I can even enjoy it without agreeing with every word.
(not saying that I don't) : )

www.gulfcoastmommy.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

You reminded me of a discussion I had with my son's middle school math teacher. He told me that it was my responsibility to make sure my son did his homework and turned it in. I responded that although I accepted the job of asking my son if he had homework and ensuring he had time and materials available to do it, it was my son's job to do his homework and turn it in. His teacher replied that it was uncooperative parents like me who were hurting our schools. BTW, my son is now a well organized college student majoring in education. I wonder how successful he would be if I had not held him accountable for his own work.

Michelle said...

Thank you for being straight up and honest about your approach to parenting. I agree completely.

Kami said...

YOu took the words right out of my mouth! Not that I am perfect mom or anything but I was just told my son today that school was his "job". his responsibility! And that if he could not do his job properly then I could ot allow him perks,"priviledges" of having extras or doing fun things! This has been a trying time for him....we just moved here to Ga after 4 yrs in England (my hubby is military) and his baby sister being born about a month ago, and then to top it all off my husband just left for a work trip to California for 2 mths after being going on and off all summer as well...been a rough time for us all....but I can't let all the changes allow him to upa nd forget his manners and how to behave properly now can i? So agree with you and "Hal" on almost everything you said! I still need to work on the not getting to emotionally involved though.

Dan said...

That's the most offensive thing I've read today! I can't believe that someone was actually offended by your blog! Now, I'm offended by his/her actions of writing a comment about your non-offensive blog. I bet he/she has a REALLY offensive blog out there - and was irate because he/she was out of coffee, so tensions were high when he/she saw the coffee advertisement that surely enraged his/her cravings.
Wow, now I hope that I am not offending you with my comments. I don't like offensive people - unless they are football players - you need a good offense and defense to win. Go Bears!

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