You know how much I love creeping, crawling, flying, hopping, scurrying creatures, right? Feel free to read any/all of the following if you need a refresher.
HOW NAPS ARE HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH
POISONOUS SPIDERS! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
HOW I STOPPED THE COCKROACH THAT NEARLY ATE MY FACE OFF
HOW A BUG NEARLY CAUSED A 5 CAR PILE-UP
THE REASON THERE'S A SPARKLY FROG ON THE LOOSE
FEVERS, FLAMETHROWERS, AND BAT ATTACKS
KILLER MOTH: THE SEQUEL (BATMOTH'S REVENGE)
YOU WON'T BELIEVE MY EXCUSE FOR AVOIDING EXERCISE THIS TIME
And of course, Florida is the worst place to live if you have a hate/hate relationship with wildlife. Seriously, it's like living in Jurassic Park down here!
A couple days ago, I walked out to my car so I could go to work. I saw a squirrel under my van who was chattering away. As I got closer, I noticed a baby squirrel on my windshield.
I cautiously approached the van. "Hey baby squirrel. Hop off!" I instructed him. "Go ahead. Jump off my car. Just jump," I helpfully suggested. The squirrel just lay there, squirming around a little. Meanwhile, mom squirrel climbed out from under my car and up into the tree where she started yelling at me.
I picked up my wiper blades, thinking maybe he was stuck under one. Nope.
What to do, what to do? I thought. He was pretty cute, but still I didn't want to touch him because
* I was afraid I'd squish him.
* I was afraid mom squirrel might abandon baby if I touched him.
* I was afraid mom squirrel would come chew my face off.
* I was afraid I'd get bitten or scratched by him and then I'd get rabies and then my work would have to have a 5k run for me. The Michael Scott Freedom Middle School Orlando Dawn Meehan Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure.
I stood there, kind of lost as to how to handle the situation. Maybe I should just call in to work and stay home. "Sorry, I can't come in today; there's a squirrel on my car." I could just picture the principal's face as I delivered that news.
I texted Brooklyn and Clay. There's a baby squirrel on my windshield. I don't know how to get him off! Help!
Clay answered. Use the windshield wipers.
I responded. Clayton!
I tapped the glass behind the squirrel, hoping to motivate him to hop on off my car and into the tree. He scooted forward a little. And mom squirrel, up in the tree, started throwing acorns and branches at me.
I texted the kids again. And now I'm being attacked by the mom squirrel!
I resigned myself to the fact that I'd have to get the little guy off somehow so I opened my car door to search for a sweatshirt or something I could use to pick up the baby squirrel and relocate him. Great plan except I don't carry sweatshirts in my car on account of it being approximately 50,000 degrees every day!
As I contemplated my next move, my neighbor walked out to the parking lot. I explained the situation.
"There's a baby squirrel on my car and he's too little to jump off and the mom is in the tree pelting me with acorns and I don't have a sweatshirt and I don't want rabies and I sure don't want anyone to have to do a 5k on account of me."
She looked around, and seeing a big stick lying on the ground, grabbed it. She held it up to the baby squirrel who clutched at it with its baby squirrel arms, then she carefully moved the squirrel-on-a-stick over to the tree. Baby squirrel climbed onto the tree, mom squirrel stopped bombing me with foliage, my quick-thinking neighbor walked away, and I drove to work.
I really think it's time for me to move.
This one was fabulous!! I love hearing about your relationship in your favorite state of FL!! Lol It just turned Fall--so it should go down to about 90 degrees now! A lot cooler!!! Take care!!
ReplyDeleteI went back reread every single one. I laughed myself silly. I do not know how I forgot about your relationship with wildlife. Is it terrible that I hope for more wildlife to attack you because it makes for hilarious reading? I mean who on earth has been attacked by fish...from the sky...TWICE!!? I mean who but you? In your defense, you do live in Jurassic Park. But apparently your hawks in Florida have a serious case of butterfingers, or butterclaws, as the case may be.
ReplyDeleteFor the record, I have two doves that live on the roof of the wellhouse next door. I thought their cooing was annoying until I got through just half of that mockingbird video. You clearly win. But you do not need the cute nerdy guy to give it mouth to mouth afterwards.
Thank you to your neighbor for saving baby squirrel. According to Mama Squirrel, the big metal and glass object was the attacker. It was in the way of the ground on the way down.