For Here or To Go?

We always let our kids choose what they want to eat for dinner on their actual birthday. They can choose a casual restaurant or take-out or I'll cook them a special meal. Jackson chose Taco Bell today. Wow, what a treat. <---that was sarcasm in case you missed it. Well, actually he chose Bahama Breeze, but since we didn't want to refinance the house in order to dine there, we made him go with "plan B".

I had to go to the stupid gyno for another pap because if you'll remember HERE, I now get to go every 3 months. On the way home, I stopped at Taco Bell to pick up the grand fiesta birthday dinner. I had a feeling that if I went through the drive-thru, there was no way on earth they'd get my huge order correct, so I went inside to order.

"Welcome to Taco Bell. Can I take your order?"

"Sure, I'd like 9 soft tacos..."

She cut me off with, "OK, will that be all?"

"Ummm no. I'd also like 3 crunchy tacos..."

"OK, your total...."

"I'm not done! I'd also like an order of nachos, a bean burrito, 2 steak gorditas, a chicken chalupa, 4 strawberry fruitista freezes, and 2 mango fruistas."

"OK. Is that for here or to go?"

I just stared at the girl waiting for a light to go on. She continued to look at me blankly.

"It's for here. I'm just that hungry."

My sarcasm was lost on the girl who got out a tray and started piling food on it.

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding. It's to go," I cried.

Still clueless, she said,"Oh ok," and began to fill a bag with tacos.

Then she looked up and asked me seriously, "Do you want a drink holder?"

Clearly, they hire Rhodes scholars at this Taco Bell.

"Nah, no drink holder. I'll hold 4 cups in my hands and 2 with my feet and I'll balance the bag of food on my head while I walk out to my car on my buttcheeks."

She stared at me for a full minute as if trying to gauge whether I was a joker, a circus performer, or just an escaped mental patient. Or maybe she was thinking, "Gee, I wonder if Brad will call me tonight? What color lipgloss should I wear to school tomorrow? Why does my hand smell like funnel cakes?"

I gave up and conceded, "Yes I'd like a drink holder please."

I double checked my order right then and there because there's nothing worse than getting home, realizing you're missing half your order, and having to drive back to get it. Amazingly they got it right. So I got home and took the food out to the picnic table in the backyard where I saw this display:



It's their "fort". The fort consisted of some boxes, an old mattress, a piece of plywood, some seats that are supposed to be installed in my van (when Joe gets around to it in another 5 years or so), assorted beach towels, and the umbrella from the the picnic table. No big deal until I saw the "padding" they used. They had my crib set: comforter, bumper pads, diaper stacker, mobile, curtains, and dust ruffle strewn about the garage floor and yard. What the??? I had the set packed up in a box in the garage and was trying to decide whether to sell it, give it away, or pack it up ad save it because I loved it so much. Now it was full of dirt and debris. Yay, more laundry!

And where was Joe through all of this? Sitting in the backyard, snoring away in my beach chair. Not that the kids don't do this kind of crap on my watch. I've had my share of being oblivious to their shenanigans (hee hee hee, I said "shenanigans"!) But hello? He was sleeping! Ugh.

I just had a rotten day because the kids think that pillows are to be thrown at each other, food is supposed to be plopped onto the floor, crumbs are to be spread across the table, peanut butter smeared knives are to be set on the counter, toys are to be left out over every square inch of floor, eyes are to be rolled at me, and whenever the phone rings, they're supposed to follow me around the house screaming their heads off. How many more days until school starts???