Just Another Fun-Filled Day

Yesterday my inlaws came over and watched the kids while Joe and I went to buy the van that we looked at on Saturday. I reminded Jackson the kids that good things happen when they behave and military school happens bad things happen when they don't behave. Anyway, we got a good report from grandma and grandpa so I told the kids I'd take them to play miniature golf after Savannah's orthodontist appointment today.

Well, let's see here, the day started with the kids running through the house whipping pillows at each other, yelling, screaming, crying, and shrieking like Howler monkeys. Not really something you want to wake up hearing. I think the US government could use my kids' morning voices on their enemies to gain world domination. Although, I suppose those screeches are probably deemed "torture" under the Geneva Conventions, Amnesty International, and the United Nations.

After that, I walked out to the kitchen where I saw tortillas on the floor, drying out. It doesn't even shock me to find food on the floor anymore. In fact, if I ever walked into the kitchen and saw a clean floor, I'd probably go into coronary arrest. "Where's all the food? Why isn't there any on the floor? Why isn't ice cream dripping down the cabinets? The refrigerator door is closed??? There are no gallons of milk sitting out on the counter? What's going on? What's wrong with the world??? I'm so confused!"

Next, on my day of fun, was the trip to the orthodontist. The kids were all off their rockers insane a little wild in the car. Although I was tempted to ask the orthodontist if he could wire their mouths shut, I decided that the kids would probably scare away the other patients, so I parked right in front of the door and let Savannah go in by herself while I stayed in the car with the riffraff. While we were waiting in the car, the kids somehow decided it would be a good idea to unbuckle and move around the fun, new van. When Austin buckled Brooklyn back in her seat, she started screaming and crying. This went on for 20 minutes. It was fun. I actually had my camera with me because I'm insane and I take it everywhere I thought I might get some pictures of the kids playing mini golf. Austin took some footage of Brooklyn screaming, but alas he was playing Austin Meehan D P (cinematographer extraordinaire), and thanks to his funky vision, the movie had some extreme close-ups, blurred shots of the inside of her nasal cavity, and a lot of earthquake-like shaking. Needless to say, the picture is awful, but the soundtrack is pure birth control.


The first 10 minutes we tried to distract her, calm her, make her laugh, make her stop. At the point the video started, we were beyond that. We were just concentrating on tuning her out. Oh yeah - and yes, she had gum in her mouth. I didn't realize that. Thankfully she didn't choke on it. When she finally calmed down, she closed her eyes and went back to chewing her gum.

When we got home, we saw that Joe's ice cream of the month shipment had arrived (his father's day present). Joe got home from work as we were unpacking the ice cream and putting it in the freezer.
"How did they ship it? How is it still frozen?" he wanted to know.
"They packed it in a cooler of dry ice," I answered.
Joe got this glazed look in his eyes and a smile slowly crept over his face. "Dry ice?" he said in a way that made me fear for my life and the lives of my children.
"Wanna play?" he asked the kids as he grabbed the dry ice and some plastic bottles from the recycling bin.
Next thing I know, Adam Jamie Joe was putting chunks of dry ice and water in the bottles, and whipping them out onto the driveway where he could await the explosions.
"You know a noise like that could impair the kids' hearing."

BABOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!


"Are you happy now Clark? She's deaf."

Then Brooklyn found some stickers and decorated her legs and the kitchen floor. "Can you put a couple stickers over there to cover up those sticky spills? Now put another here to cover up that dirt. Good girl." Oooo pretty.



I walked past my pretty kitchen floor and went to the laundry room to change loads of laundry. I put clothes in my dryer and turned it on. Clunk! Clunk! Cachunk! Clunk!
"What the heck?" I opened the door and found a rock. Not just any rock though. Noooo. A piece of a geode. A geode that Jackson and Clayton were looking at while we were in the play zoo last Friday. Now I knew that Jackson was the culprit because I had actually patted Clay down as we left to make sure he hadn't pocketed any of the rocks. I didn't check Jackson because I thought he knew better.
I confronted Jackson and asked him if he'd taken the rock. He admitted it. I gave him high praise for admitting it and not lying to me. And then I told him it was stealing and he has to take it back to the zoo, find a worker in the play area and return it with an apology and a promise to never do it again. I think he realized he was wrong as he started crying. Either that or he was crying because I told him he had to return it. And so begins his life of crime.

A little later I was folding some laundry and I noticed some clothes that didn't belong to my kids.
"Hey Savannah, these aren't yours, are they? Did you borrow them from Shannon?"
"No."
"No? Then how the heck did they get in here?"
"Oh, they're Shannon's, but I didn't borrow them from her."
"So, I'm just doing your friends' laundry now? Oh good. Because doing 8 people's laundry left me with way too much free time."

Now I'm hobbling off to bed. "Hobbling", you ask? Yes, that would be because Clay got mad and threw a toy guitar that hit me in the ankle.
"I didn't mean to hit you! I meant to hit Jackson."
"Oh, well in that case, it's all fine and dandy!"
I resisted the urge to beat him with the guitar. He's lucky.