By the third inning, hypothermia had set in. My butt was numb, my snot was frozen, my fingers hurt so much I could hardly push the buttons on my phone to call Joe and get an update on Lexi's game. When my frozen ear actually cracked off my head, I decided to go on a quick coffee run. I went to the McD's drive-thru and ordered 2 cups of coffee; one for me and one for a friend I was sitting with. As I placed my order, I realized I didn't know how Laura took her coffee, so I asked the guy for about 8 creamers and 4 sugars to make sure there would be plenty for both of us since I really didn't know how she liked her coffee.
So, I paid and pulled forward to get the coffee. The guy handed me 2 cups and closed the window. "Um hello? Can I get some cream and sugar please?"
"I already put it in the coffee," he answered.
Well crud. What if Laura takes her coffee black? Now what am I going to do? I asked for another cup, but my order had apparently drained the pot so I was told I'd have to wait until he brewed another pot. I didn't want to miss any more of my son's game, so I just took the coffee and hoped that Laura would like it.
When I got back to the game, she and I sipped our coffee and realized the guy had put 8 creamers and 4 sugars IN EACH CUP! Now, I put a ton of cream in my coffee, but this was ridiculous even for me. It didn't matter though, since the coffee froze into a nice mocha popsicle 3 minutes after I got back to the game anyway. Joe said he saw snow yesterday afternoon.
Gotta love baseball season! The good news is - both teams are undefeated as of now! Woo Hoo! So what that they've only played one game. They're still undefeated. :D
As I was doing some cleaning up in the boys' room this afternoon, I noticed some new artwork.
Nice huh? I've always wanted drawings of smiley faces on the bedroom walls.
Hey, it's almost like the picture my gyno's office!
It's an abstract.
This is what my NINE-YEAR-OLD did! Certainly he knows better. So when I picked him up from school, and he asked, "Can I go to so & so's house to play?" I cheerfully answered, "Sorry honey, but you have another commitment. You get to go home and scrub the walls in your bedroom! Won't that be fun and exciting?!"
He didn't think it was so fun and alluded to the fact that I was the meanest mother on the planet.
"The meanest on the planet? Really? Do you really think so? You mean, you think I'm the meanest on the whole planet? YES! Woo Hoo! I'm the meanest on the planet, the meanest on the planet, the meanest on the planet! Too bad there's not an award for that!" I gleefully cheered.
Kids do not like it when you mock them. It makes them all mad-like. I highly recommend it.
Maybe, next time, he'll use PAPER, for crying out loud!
Sheesh. I thought *I* was the meanest mother on the planet. Wanna thumb wrestle for the title? HA!
ReplyDeletePicture that same wall, covered in vomit...that's what I had to clean up this evening. I really would have preferred pencil marks instead.
ReplyDeleteI am so, so very sorry, my dear, dear Mrs. Meehan... but I was proclaimed the "meanest mom any kid will ever have!" back in 1993. You can't steal MY thunder! MY meanest Mom for eternity award was the result of a "no, it's almost dinner time" when asked if he could have some cookies and milk... and we all know that denying chocolate chip cookies is WAY meaner than making them clean up artwork! And won't YOU feel awful when he's a great artist some day, and he says, "It's amazing I can do ANYTHING, after my Mom showed so little appreciation for my creations!"
ReplyDeleteOh Dawn, I hear ya on the drawing on the walls. My kids have gotten over that, but NOW they always have their hands on the walls making nice, black and brown smudge marks from playing outside. It seems like a Mom can never win! I wouldn't trade my kids for the world, but man, sometimes their decisions rock me to the core! I just don't get it! LOL
ReplyDeleteWhere are you summer? I had to don the wool coat again today. I love messing with my kids that way too, but you can get right off the meanest mom list and onto the best mom in the world list by doing something as simple as giving them a toothbrush with a suction cup on the end of the handle. Gotta love kids!
ReplyDeleteROFL!!! I have tried mocking the 4-year old...it just seems to make her have a bigger fit than normal. But, I took a cue from a good friend and told her, "Honey, you really aren't yelling loud enough. If you want Mommy to pay attention to your fit, you are going to have to lay down and roll around a bit, and please make sure to kick your legs and flail your arms at the same time." That usually stops her dead in her tracks.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your humor, Dawn, I really needed it today!
Have a great one!
Now I don't feel so bad about my 5 year old coloring on the wall. I thought *she* was old enough to use paper as well. Guess not :D
ReplyDelete(I also made her clean it off. Good ole' Mr. Clean scrub sponges)
By the way, I just have to say I *LOVE* reading your blog, and have been since the beginning. I can't wait to get your book.
Uh, sorry, Dawn. You are NOT the meanest mother on the planet.
ReplyDeleteI am.
I don't even go to my kids' games unless it's at least 70 degrees and sunny enough for me to work on my tan. And then I only go to sip margaritas from an opaque hot-pink plastic water bottle and chit-chat with the other moms, NEVER paying attention when they score a goal or rope a line drive.
(Note to any less-than-astute and more-than-snarky readers who might be inclined to respond harshly -- because poor Dawn gets way more than her share of those: I'M BEING SARCASTIC. Except what I said about Dawn not being the meanest mother on the planet.)
Maybe the coffee was the new McDs policy against boiling hot coffee lawsuits. I quit doing the drive thru after too many lunch runs from the office and ALWAYS missing part of the order. I would call from the office and they would cheerfully say " just let us know the next time you're in and we will give you that item free" Just what I want free...the salad dressing for a Cobb salad...silver (plastic) ware...an order of French Fries......
ReplyDeleteThat is hilarious about the 8 creamers and 4 sugars!! I'm not a coffee drinker, but I've heard that McDonald's is trying to imitate Starbucks these days. I think they should just stick to regular, do-it-yourself coffee!
ReplyDeleteGood for you, making your son clean the wall! I love the part about the mocking!
Oh no! Don't tell me I'm in for another 9 years of wall drawings! I was hoping my 2 year old would kick the habit soon.
ReplyDeleteIt's like a mantra in our house "You ONLY draw on paper. Only draw on paper. Only draw on paper...."
Are we going to have to duke it out over the meanest mom title? 'Cause I've been the champ for 23 years!
ReplyDeletetell him sorry but you can't be the meanest mom on the planet as I hold that title ... just ask me about the therapy sesions my 16 yr old is in as her punishment... and I have had to implement them on my son as well in the past... I so wish the drawing on the walls were the things i had to deal with these days...
ReplyDeleteHugs from the meanest mom alive :D
McDonald's, Burger King, Wendy's - They never get our orders right. We have the same coffee issue with McD's!
ReplyDeleteSAY NO TO FAST FOOD!!!
I so feel your pain! Our opening day was cold, too, though not *quite* that cold. I had the joy of being at baseball from 8:30am-3:30pm, with 10 minutes in the middle to rush home and get my kids some lunch. And I only have two.
ReplyDeleteAnd as for the art, at least it was pencil. That comes right off with those magic eraser thingies. I'd be more concerned if it were acrylic paint or something...
OMg Dawn LOL!! The guy at McD's- obviously bored withhis job, just wanted to get you throughthe drive thru so he could get back to whatever else he was enjoying that night before you so redely ordered coffee:)) J/K!!
ReplyDeleteHope you have a great day!
I've found that my 3 year old really takes offense when I mock him. Maybe he's not old enough yet . . .
ReplyDeleteBTW, yesterday was slightly overcast and 70 degrees in Cincinnati.
Dawn...
ReplyDeleteHe says you're the meanest mother on the planet?
How could he POSSIBLY know that?
(Grin)
Nancy Binky
I would be miffed about the doodling on the walls too!
ReplyDeleteAnd the guy at McD's needs a lesson on on serving coffee! Or do you have to specify you want the cream and sugar "on the side!"
I feel your pain. A couple weeks ago my husband pulled out remaining paint that we had left from when we painted several rooms in our house and we went around covering up artwork that our 3 and 5 year olds have done over the months. Upstairs in our hall I had noticed that Noah had drawn on wall under the window. I didnt notice it till after it had been there awhile since it was under the curtains. When I asked him about it his reply was I didnt do it. I said Oh really Noah then who did? Sawyer did it. I said Oh really Sawyer wrote YOUR NAME with permanent marker thats amazing since he cant even write his own name. Oh ya gotta love kids!!!
ReplyDeleteHi Dawn, Speaking of wall art. I painted my 11 year old son's bedroom this weekend. Behind his dresser was a smudge of poop! Yep when he was 2 years old he must of been digging in his diaper! It was all dried up so I just painted over it. Now your wall art is looking pretty good huh?! Kristine in Michigan.
ReplyDeleteI'm loving the Palm Tree... really. His artwork far outdoes my kids scribbles in our hallway. Perhaps you could send him down so we could remodel? :)
ReplyDeleteUgh. Brings back memories of my daughters soccer games. I hope it warms up there soon. As for mocking, I believe it a required part of the mean mom secret code.
ReplyDeleteGee, deja vu!
ReplyDeleteSaturday, I finally got my sweet hubby to paint Little Princess's room. We just bought the paint with our tax return...last year. And all year long he worked hard. He painted his friend's house, built a huge puppet theater for the church, made a custom-designed bedframe and headboard for our music minister's wife, and the list goes on. I offered to paint it myself, but his snarling led me to the realization that this was his baby, so I just waited...and waited.
So two days after Princess's room was finally complete, it received it's first graffiti. And the culprit had the nerve to frame the baby. THE BABY! who had merely watched, fascinated, while his big brother scribbled on the wall.
And what makes it worse is that I had specifically told the budding artist NOT to draw on sister's wall under penalty of PAIN. In the end, he did finally have a sting of conscience and let the baby off the hook. Or maybe he was tired of the little guy getting the credit for his genius.
I'm so thrilled that this year my son's baseball doesn't start until mid-June - I think they finally figured out that it is usually just WAY TOO STINKIN' COLD HERE until then.
ReplyDeleteAs for the walls - my "favorite" (I use that term loosely) was when I asked my son, who does not share a room with anyone, how the black marks (like shoe scuffs) got on his walls. His response? "I don't know" Apparently the little elves that make shoes for the cobbler in the middle of the night like to test them by throwing them against the walls of unsuspecting 13 year old boys.
"The meanest mom on the planet?" At least you excell at something. I guess you needed all that sugar in your coffee to sweeten up.
ReplyDeleteLove the artwork. He's competition for me.
Hey, I thought I was the meanest mom on the planet!
ReplyDeleteI had to clean some minor stuff off the dining room walls recently. (I know it was my 9 y.o, I recognized the writing.) It said "Let's play!"
A few inches below, it said "Hide!"
And for some reason it made me giggle. I left it there far longer than I should have, because it was funny.
Looks like that last drawing is a tracing of himself or one of his brothers!! See the legs, the feet, the butt . . .
ReplyDeleteLove the way you handled the drawings! My 2 year old is just getting into this phase right now and I made a HUGE mistake the other day in saying yes when he asked me something about the door. Shortly afterwards, he called me over to admire his artwork, turns out I´d said yes to him using the door as a canvas. :S Oops.
ReplyDeleteSeriously---they should make an award! I can't wait to receive mine!
ReplyDeleteMy kids haven't called me mean in a long time. I kinda miss it. I always took it as an opportunity to reassure them that I wasn't nearly as mean as I COULD be! Something along the lines of "I'm mean? You better believe it! And if you don't (fill in the blank) I show you just how mean I can be! I've not met my potential!" Ah, I love being a mom.
ReplyDeleteAnd to think ... I told my almost 2 year old that he knew better than to color on his sisters sheets yesterday! *LOL*
ReplyDeleteI know that you've found all sorts of interesting things in your childrens bedrooms, however the drawing isn't so bad compared to what my little brother used to put on his walls - boogers. Yuck! He'd peel up the wallpaper and hide the little treasures underneath. I'm looking forward to what I'll be finding someday - NOT. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI sympathize with the McD's ordeal. I treat myself to their coffee pretty often on my way to work, and I have learned to STRESS that I will fix it myself. I ended up with what was probably 8 creamers and 4 sugars in mine one day too...blech!
ReplyDeleteOh, Dawn, how I love reading your blog everyday! Two things... no- I'm the meanest mom on the planet! I've been told MANY times. :) And secondly- just let them draw on the walls. Give them paint. They're only walls. :) I've been obsessed with Randy Pausch lately. He has pancreatic cancer... anyway, he has asked that you just let them.
ReplyDeleteWe had a baseball game on Tuesday night too (Brrr)! Our game started at 8pm! And the concession guy was out of hot chocolate. But I did have two blankets with me (one to sit on and one wrap up like a burito). In two weeks, we'll be out there cheering for the kids in shorts complaining of the hot weather! :) GO TEAM!
ReplyDeleteHi Dawn,
ReplyDeleteHere in Texas, we started baseball right after spring break (March 23). Of coarse with the heat, we have to start the season early so that the kids don't melt out at first base from the hot, hot temperatures. I guess I'll choose melting away over freezing my snot! How many of your kids are in baseball right now? Just Lexi and Austin? Does Savanah play a sport?
Can't wait for the book to come out... I'm going to buy one for myself and one for my mother in law! : )
Have an awesomely funny day!
~Lisa, San Antonio, Tx
Oh yeah? We can all fight for the title. Because I can turn a 9 year olds day(any day) into the worst day of his life just by asking him to pick up the colored pencils he left laying around.
ReplyDeleteHaven't you heard we are supposed to be conserving paper?! I got a note in my 6 year old daughter's backpack that said we should be using both sides of our coloring paper (it should be recycled too). Austin is just way ahead on the whole GREEN movement! LOL
ReplyDeleteBTW .. I have nice ink pen abstracts all over my house from my 2 year old. I just painted this last fall, too.
I need to design a t-shirt for you - being that you're the meanest mother on the planet and all.
ReplyDeleteWhen Kevin says stuff like that, my response is, "If you say it, I can make it happen."
Example: "You NEVER let me watch TV!"
"If you say it, I can make it happen."
"You make me do ALL the cleaning in the house!"
"If you say it, I can make it happen."
And ohhhhhhhhh what fun when he pushes it and I *do* make it happen. Hee hee!
Well, I hope you don't think I am a complete loony tune....but I let my kids decorate their walls. I figure it is not hurting anyone or anything and gives me one less thing to obsess about or get upset about. My 15 year old bought some black shoe polish and has graffiti all over his bedroom. It actually looks kind of cool and I did give out a few rules about what could and couldn't be put on the walls. So, I guess they never outgrow that desire to express their artistic side on any available canvas...or in this case the wall!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, I wrote on my bedroom wall in Tinkerbell nail polish. My parents, in their unfortunate oblivion, thought that it was lipstick and set me out with a sponge and a bucket to "wipe it off". Since I'm stubborn (and not very bright) I failed to tell them the truth. I scrubbed (and cried) for an hour and when I was done, I had scrubbed a hole in the wall! So now my dad had to repair and paint a plaster wall. To this day when I remember that incident I shake my head and think, "Dummy. If you'd just *told* them that it was nail polish, they would have given you some nail polish remover!"
ReplyDeleteYou couldn't possibly be the meanest mom on the planet, because I am.
ReplyDeleteI make my kids do stuff like wash dishes, do homework and (oh the horror) take the garbage out.
I'm so mean.
About the metal bleachers. What on earth were they thinking? They freeze your hind quarters when it's cold, and in the summer they are so hot that your legs get barbecued.
We can put a man on the moon, but we can't have bleachers that don't cause bodily harm.
My daughter likes to carve her name into the furniture in her room. NICE and she's 14 so that part doesn't get better.
ReplyDeleteI remember when my son, then 5, drew his first picture on the wall...it was the first picture of his that I could actually figure out what it was supposed to be!! After the stern lecture, I took him to school...then I went back to the house to take photos of his "masterpiece." gotta love 'em.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right- mocking your kids is great fun and a highly effective parenting tool! I also recommend embarrassing them, especially the teenagers. Mine recently was mortified when I stated that the next time he was around a group of friends I would use "cool" terms & phrases like gansta, and gettin' jiggy with it. They still say that, right?
ReplyDeleteTry the Mr Clean sponge. It will take the pencil marks right off. That sponge is the only reason my children are still alive today!! LOL
ReplyDeleteFrugal Carol
My personal favorite is when a really good song comes on the loudspeaker at the store and you break out into dance. My 12 year old absolutely LOVES it when I do that. Oh wait...thats not right. Now I remember, she absolutely HATES it when I do that. Is it wrong to get such enjoyment out of embarassing your kids?
ReplyDeleteGREAT response to the playdate question - brilliant!
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain - I too was at a T-ball game for my 3 year old (I live in Wisconsin, just north of IL border) and froze my behind off - too bad not literally!! Anyway, I also find mocking my children when they are mad to be the best form of entertainment around. Nothing like seeing my 11 year old daughter get even madder and stomp up to her room. At least it's quiet for a while........
ReplyDeleteI think my son would probably duke it out with your son over who has the meanest mom.
ReplyDeleteApparently I'm the meanest mum in the world because prior to going on vacation last week he redeemed a coupon that the easter bunny gave him to allow him to have his room the way he liked it for a whole week, no complaints. We are back from vacation, guess what he has to do now???? Can you imagine the mess a 12 year old accumulates in 1 week - it's all photographed for posterity on my blog LOL.
You have a very talented 9 year old by the way, love the tree. That last picture - abstract huh LOL.
When my little girl wrote on teh inside closet walls in our rental, I used Murphy's Oil Soap to remove the crayon and ink. It worked beautifully. The walls were a textured cream colored paint on sheetrock.
ReplyDeleteAs for the cream-in-the-coffee thing, try putting just a dab of Dairy Queen vanilla soft serve in your coffee. To die for!!! I put it in my tea, too. Mmmmmmmm.....
Dawn -
ReplyDeleteI received the following e-mail today and thought that if you hadn't already gotten it, you'd appreciate it! It's a bit lengthy and I apologize, but it's a quick read once you get started. :-)
A 3-year-old tells all from his mother's rest-room stall.
My little guy, Cade, is quite a talker. He loves to communicate and does it quite well. He talks to people constantly, whether we're in the library, the grocery store or at a drive-thru window. People often comment on how clearly he speaks for a just-turned- 3-year-old. And you never have to ask him to turn up the volume. It's always fully cranked.There' ve been several embarrassing times that I've wished the meaning of his words would have been masked by a not-so-audible voice, but never have I wished this more than last week at Costco. Halfway, through our shopping trip, nature called, so I took Cade with me into the rest-room. If you'd been one of the ladies in the rest-room that evening, this is what you would have heard coming from the second to the last stall: 'Mommy, are you gonna go potty? Oh! Why are you putting toiwet paper on the potty, Mommy? Oh! You gonna sit down on da toiwet paper now? Mommy,what are you doing? Mommy, are you gonna go stinkies on the potty?' At this point I started mentally counting how many women had been in the bathroom when I walked in. Several stalls were full ... 4? 5? Maybe we could wait until they all left before I had to make my debut out of this stall and reveal my identity. Cade continued, 'Mommy, you ARE going stinkies aren't you? Oh, dats agood girl, Mommy! Are you gonna get some candy for going stinkies on the potty? Let me see doze stinkies, Mommy! Oh .. Mommy! I'm trying to see in dere. Oh! I see dem. Dat is a very good girl, Mommy. You are gonna get some candy!' I heard a few faint chuckles coming from the stalls on either side of me. Where is a screaming newborn when you need her? Good grief. This was really getting embarrassing. I was definitely waiting a long time before exiting. Trying to divert him, I said, 'Why don't you look in Mommy's purse and see if you can find some candy we'll both have some!' ' No, I'm trying to see doze more stinkies. Oh! Mommy!' He started to gag at this point. 'Uh oh, Mommy. I fink I'm gonna frow up. Mommy, doze stinkies are making me frow up!! Dat is so gross!!' As the gags became louder, so did the chuckles outside my stall. I quickly flushed the toilet in hopes of changing the subject. I began to reason with myself: OK. There are four other toilets. If I count four flushes, I can be reasonably assured that those who overheard this embarrassing monologue will be long gone. 'Mommy! Would you get off the potty, now? I want you to be done going stinkies! Get up! Get up!' He grunted as he tried to pull me off. Now I could hear full-blown laughter. I bent down to count the feet outside my door. 'Oh, are you wooking under dere, Mommy? You wooking under da door?What were you wooking at, Mommy? You wooking at the wady's feet?' More laughter. I stood inside the locked door and tried to assess the situation.'Mommy, it's time to wash our hands, now. We have to go out now, Mommy.'He started pounding on the door. 'Mommy, don't you want to wash your hands? I want to go out!!' I saw that my 'wait 'em out' plan was unraveling. I sheepishly opened the door, and found standing outside my stall, twenty to thirty ladies crowded around the stall, all smiling and starting to applaud. My first thought was complete embarrassment, then I thought, 'Where's the fine print on the 'motherhood contract' where I signed away every bit of my dignity and privacy?' But as my little boy gave me a big, cheeky grin while he rubbed bubbly soap between his chubby little hands, I thought, I'd sign it all away again, just to be known as Mommy to this little fellow.
Shannon Popkin is a freelance writer and mother of three. She lives with her family in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where she no longer uses public restrooms
When my kids (now 25 and 27) would complain about me being the meanest mohter in the world, I used Erma Bombeck's favorite line and it goes something like this, "Nope, I actually came in SECOND this year, but next year I'M going to win that sucker!" So, how am i doing?
ReplyDeleteLOL! Sorry you lost your ear at the game! Now, THAT is cold! heehee
ReplyDeleteWell, atleast your child wrote something nice.
My daughter wrote in a SHARPIE marker on her wall " I hate my crappy brothers." Then drew an arrow pointing to her drawing of each of them on her wall. UGH!
Isn't she the sweetest???
My daughter, age 3, invited her friends to help her with the wall art. It turned out to be a mural of a street with buildings cars and people. After the punishment, it seemed a shame to clean it, so we left it until we got ready to move. SIX coats of paint later......
ReplyDeleteDotnFL
I LOVE mocking them. Except they get more surly that way. "Geez,you are the meanest kid on the planet!!!" Maybe I should try that next time! hehe....
ReplyDeleteI just read some of the comments. I soooo loved the "if you say it, I can make it happen response"!!!! Nice.
ReplyDeleteI had my 8 yo son convinced for nearly a year that I really was in the running for the "Meanest Mom of the Year" award and I got points every time he got mad at me for telling him to do his chores or grounding him. He'd ask me every so often if I was winning or not and of course, I was always second so I had to be a bit "meaner" to him.
ReplyDeleteThis cannot be! For I have been the meaniest mom on the planet for the past 8 years. I am apparently undefeated. How can this be? This must be a scam. You know like those fake checks in the junk mail? Who knew most of the kids on the planet were in on this scam? I guess we will all have to share the title. Hey, maybe we will get another holiday out of it. Like, "Happy Meanest Mom Day"
ReplyDeletehee....hee....hee....<---evil laughter here
I loved your cheer. My two would be astonished to find that all moms know that cheer (and that I don't hold the title for meanest mom all by myself). Try not laughing outloud when a 2 1/2 year old says "Mom, you're a meaner!"
ReplyDeleteIt kind of cracks me up just how early they learn the concept of "meanest" and how those words flung our direction are supposed to reduce us to an apologetic heap that will instantly grant whatever desire we said "no" to or forget about whatever punishment we were trying to inflict.
Looks like you have a lot of competition for the meanest award. Count me in the race too!
ReplyDeleteHey Dawn, I am the meanest mother on the planet. I wouldn't let my 14 year old daughter get driven to the movies by her 16 year old boyfriend last night. I took her and my other daughter and I walked around the mall till the movie was over.
ReplyDeleteTry the Mr. Cleam magic Erasers on the walls, I love those!! They work on Everything I have tried so far, even walls!!
The standard answer in my house to "but why?" is "because I'm a meanie" I would totally have made my kids clean the wall too. I'm actually the meanest teacher on the planet, so I guess you can have the title of meanest mommy, as long as I can still be a "big meanie" :)
ReplyDeleteYour 9 year old doing this makes me feel a lot better about my 8 year olds putting beads in their ears. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteOMG - I think you are living my life times 2! :) Love your blog!
ReplyDeleteShauna