It's Kinda Like Don't Spill the Beans

My family likes to play games. We play card games, board games, video games, made-up games. You name it, we probably like to play it. There's a game we play every day and I'm really not sure how it even started. I don't remember coming up with this game and I don't recall condoning it. I don't think the game has a name or official rules. But we play it nonetheless. All seven of us. Every day. As far as I can tell, this is how it is played . . .


NUMBER OF PLAYERS: infinite

MATERIALS NEEDED: nothing out of the ordinary; just household items you already have on hand

OBJECT:  to never, ever, EVER be the one to take out the trash

PLAY:  throw your trash away in the garbage can. When the receptacle is full, precariously stack disposable cups, tuck bits of paper among the refuse, and throw wadded-up food wrappers on top of the stack until the lid pops off. Then plop pizza boxes and other things on top of the lid. It's a little like Jenga with all the careful stacking of trash.

LOSING:  a player loses when the piece of garbage he adds to the pile makes everything tumble over and spill onto the floor at which point he becomes responsible for cleaning the floor and taking the garbage out to the garage. It's kind of like the children's game, Don't Spill the Beans, only "the beans" are actually scraps of filth and muck composed into a haphazard pyramid of nastiness.

LENGTH OF PLAY:  this game can be played for an undetermined amount of time. As long as the trash continues to pile up without falling, play continues.

BONUS:  if the garbage actually touches the ceiling without falling, you win the distinction of being the laziest family in America.

PENALTY:  if insects and/or wild animals enter your house due to the overwhelming amount of filth, you automatically lose and must dump the garage immediately as well as spray for bugs.