Check Yes or No

I'm not sure I like the whole concept of online dating. At first I thought it was a great idea. No jumping in, but slowly getting to know a person over time before even actually meeting them sounded ideal. I mean, I might think differently if it was just me, but with kids, I have no desire to date multiple guys, trying one after another until I find someone who can stand my um, idiosyncrasies. After being on eHarmony for a couple weeks, however, I've decided to forget about dating in all forms. I'm simply going to get a dog. (If you read this Jackson, no, I'm not really getting a dog so stop before you start!) And these are the reasons why . . .

1.  I’m rarely matched with someone who lives in the same state as I.  Although, when I filled out the registration information, I indicated that I’d like to meet people within a 300 mile radius and that was pretty important to me, I get matches from California, Delaware, Kentucky, and Nebraska. I didn’t even know people lived in Nebraska! 

2.  After a while, all the profiles start sounding alike. Rarely do I find one that stands out in any way. Shockingly enough, everyone is looking to meet someone who is honest, sincere, loving, and who enjoys life. I know, right?!  So, I end up judging prospective friends by their profile photos. I was matched with someone who looked like Herman Munster the other day. I immediately discounted him. He might be the greatest guy ever, but when I get seven matches a day, well, I’m not going to strike up a conversation with every single one, so the Hermans of the dating world get the boot. I don’t really like that. It just somehow seems wrong.

3.  There are too many (I mean, WAY too many) profiles that make my eyes bleed. I find myself wanting to write back to these gentlemen, offering to fix their profiles for them so they seem less, um, what’s the word I’m looking for? Stupid! If you’re on an online dating site, for the love of all that is holy, please double-check your spelling, punctuation and grammar. Certainly not everyone will pass over you if you don’t, but I guarantee you’ll lose possible connections if your entire profile is one run-on sentence filled with misspelled words.

4.  There’s this little game you’re apparently supposed to play on eHarmony.  First, after checking out someone’s profile, if their picture doesn’t scare you away and their profile is interesting (or at least punctuated correctly) you’re supposed to send an “icebreaker.” You can choose from prefabricated statements like, “Your profile brought a smile to my face,” or “I just wanted to say hi.”

Then, from what I can tell, you’re supposed to send five closed-ended questions such as, “If you stayed home on a Friday night, what would you rather do? Watch TV, read, wash your hair, rearrange your sock drawer, or cook a fancy meal.” Real great, deep, interesting stuff, no?

After this step, you can choose to send some open-ended questions. “What’s the most daring thing you’ve done in the past year?”

Finally, you send eHarmony email (so your potential stalker partner doesn’t know your real email address.) Personally, it’s the ones who skip the lame questions and send me an email that I’d rather talk to. The rest of it is too much like junior high, passing notes with questions like, “Do you like me?  Check yes or no.”

5.  I don’t really want to respond to the creepy looking or sounding ones who send me “icebreakers” or questions. But I don’t want to be mean and crush anyone’s soul either. But then again, I don’t want to lead on Bubba in California with the ax murderer smile and the favorite hobby of hunting in their wooded backyard, misspelled as humting in there woulded back yard.  But it doesn’t hurt just to say hi and inform him how to spell second grade words, does it? Then again, I can’t really take time out to communicate with every single person just to be nice, can I? It’s just plain awkward. Meeting people in real life doesn’t work this way!

6.  Finally, I’m becoming obsessed. I have the eHarmony app on my phone.  Every morning I wake up and check out the day’s matches. Every time I hear that little chime that someone has sent me mail, I fumble to turn on my phone immediately. I may need a twelve step program if I keep going like this.

Now that I think about it, it wouldn’t take much leg work for any possible match to find this blog. Wouldn’t he be surprised to read about himself here!
I guess I haven’t entirely made up my mind about this online dating stuff yet, but I’ll keep you posted. Check back here to read the latest.

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