My Son - the Hobo (otherwise entitled, "I'm so Proud")

My oldest son, Austin is a junior in high school this year. That means that he’ll be a senior next year. And a short year after that, he’ll be (sniff sniff) going away to college. Or so I think. Or hope. Okay, after our recent conversations, I’ll be happy if he manages to get a job at McDonald’s; forget higher education.

You see, recently I’ve been asking Austin what he wants to be when he grows up. Unlike me, he doesn’t give impressive answers like “movie star” or “bird”. Oh no. He has even more illustrious plans than those. Despite my encouraging him to pursue art, he has different directions in mind. I’ve also attempted to persuade him into taking business courses or following a path that would lead to a job in the medical field. But nope, Austin will have nothing to do with those ordinary jobs. So, to get him thinking more seriously about his future, I asked him to make a list of job possibilities with pros and cons.

Here, for your reading pleasure, is Austin’s guest post on job possibilities . . .

Hey! This is Austin, the much more handsome and funnier version of mi madre. After begging me for months to share my amazing writing skills with her readers, I finally gave in. My topic? Give pros and cons on what to be when I grow up as my junior year is almost finished.

I’ve always wanted to be a hobo since I was little. Why, you might ask? Just because I can. I get train rides er’rywhere, my putrid smell attracts little animals to feast on, and I don’t need a job. I can pretty much live like Tarzan and swing from random trees in parks or eat the little pieces of bread old people throw to ducks, very nutritious. I have yet to figure out a bad thing to being a hobo so that’s still a viable option.

I can train to be a street cleaner. After a day of scraping the city streets of junk, just imagine how much free gum I could collect. Any that I don’t eat I can sell to get infinite monies. There’s a chance I could eat so much gum that I’d get a cavity and die, so I’m not too sure about being a street cleaner. Besides, I heard monsters roam the streets at night which is kinda spooky.

I could be one of those people that dress as food and hand out flyers for restaurants. Pluses - I get to wear an awesome costume and get free or discounted food. The negatives are when a little kid sees you, they either expect a picture with you or they beat you senseless. Neither of those options sound very fun.

This may be a long shot, but I can pursue my lifelong dream of becoming the best whistler in the world. I know I’ll have to beat out all the up-and-coming whistling amateurs for a record deal, but no producer could resist such classic hits such as “Classic Whistle Hit” or “Ode to Whistling”. I’d have so many fans and be famous around the world. Even chart topping musicians like The Wiggles from The Wiggles Show will want to meet me. Of course I’ll have no time for them being as amazing as I already am.

Finally, as suggested by SpongeBob, I can be a football playing king in space…with a moustache. I’d get paid so much for that, money for a pro athlete, money for being a king, money for being an astronaut, AND my sexy moustache will attract girls everywhere.

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Fabulous, huh?  This is what I have to work with.  Can you see this kind of stuff on a college application?  Yeah.  I see a bright future for this kid.  Sky’s the limit.  Anything goes.  He’ll go far.  Oh, who am I kidding?  He’s gonna live in my basement forever.