Top Ten Worst Gifts

I didn’t get my act together soon enough to come up with a Must Have Christmas Shopping List, but I still may be able to help you with your shopping. I can provide a What To Never Give For Christmas List. There are a couple more days until Christmas and it’s not too late to go back over your purchases and make sure that none of these are under the tree. Here, in no particular order, is my top ten list of the worst presents you can give or get.

Gym Membership
The present that says, “Merry Christmas! You’re fat.” Unless the recipient has specifically asked for a gym membership, you want to stay away from this kind of gift.

$5 Box of Crap

The only thing more lame than a $5 box of crap is a $10 box of crap. Or maybe it’s a $2 box of crap. I guess it depends on how you look at it. But I think we can all agree that it’s probably not a good idea to give anything with the word “crap” in the title. (image: prankplace.com)

Regifted Gifts

It’s not cool to regift a gift to the original giver of the gift. (Say that 5 times fast.) Don’t be a Tim Whatley with a Label Baby Junior!

Mustache-Shaped Eggs

Hmmm. For the Tom Selleck lover on your list? (image: stupid.com)

A Monkey

I know monkeys look cute and cuddly, but monkeys never make good gifts. Point in case - Curious George, Dexter, Marcel, King Kong, Mojo Jojo, The Flying Monkeys from the Wizard of Oz, and the scariest one of all, Boots from Dora the Explorer. (image: stupid.com)

Tiny Iron

First, I see no reason for ironing in the first place. But doing it with an iron the size of a hamster? Well, that’s just cruel and unusual (not to mention stupid) punishment. (image: stupid.com)

Pooping Moose Sweatshirt

Nothing says “Christmas cheer” like a sweater covered in feces. Other than my seven-year-old son, I can’t imagine anyone wanting this.

Twirling Fork

If you’re too lazy to physically move your fork, then you don’t need a plate of spaghetti; what you need is a slap. (image: stupid.com)

Underwear Hat

I don’t know what I like most about this product – the fact that it’s underwear you wear on your head, or the fact that the guy in the picture is all, “Excuse me while I take this important business call” while seemingly oblivious to the fact he has underwear on his head. (image: stupid.com)

Fake Snow

This is evil in a bag and I have a new level of hatred for my ex who sent this to my kids for Christmas. This is basically a bag full of those little gel pellets that are in disposable diapers. When you add water to a spoonful of this powder, it expands a million times into a huge pile of puffy, sticky gel that gets everywhere and never goes away. (image: stupid.com)

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