What Goes Around, Comes Around

I stopped at Walmart today. It was on my way home from school and I needed toilet paper and cleaning supplies, so I decided, instead of driving out of the way to my beloved Target, to stop at Wallyworld. As I walked in, a Walmart employee started to say, “Welcome” to me, but coughed instead. Actually, coughed isn’t quite the word for it. It was kind of like a, “Welcome to Walcough cough hack hack aaaaaggghhhh hauck cough.” And then her lung fell out at my feet. Without missing a beat (because I am so much cooler than your average Walmart shopper), I carefully maneuvered my cart around her lung and went about my shopping while Typhoid Mary spread her disease.

As I pushed my cart down the aisles, I noted the degenerate interesting folks shopping there. There was the young boy wearing socks and sandals which should be a crime in and of itself, but these were no ordinary socks, no ma’am. These were pink socks. And they weren’t just ordinary pink socks, no sir. One had pink butterflies on it and the other one had pink and red hearts. Yeah.

I noticed a couple teens wearing knit ski caps. I know this is fashionable in teen world, but when the temperature is in the 90s every stinkin’ day, why on earth would any sane person put a knit cap on their head??? Why?!

I saw an old man who looked like Uncle Jesse from The Dukes of Hazzard. I thought about asking him how it was working with John Schneider and Tom Wopat, but after seeing his toothless grin, reconsidered and simply smiled back instead.

And then I saw the most priceless outfit of all. A woman, easily in her 70s wore her long gray hair, braided and twisted into a lovely grandmotherly-looking bun. She wore sensible, orthopedic shoes. And she wore short-shorts with a skimpy halter top, leaving her abdomen, which, if she wasn’t in her 70s, I would swear was nine months pregnant, bare. Attractive. I pulled out my phone, clicked the camera icon and nonchalantly aimed it at her, ready to click a picture. She smiled and said, “Hah” so I wimped out, lowered my phone and smiled back.

After paying for my purchases, I walked out to my car, loaded the bags into the back, and sat down in the driver’s seat. As I pulled my seat belt across my lap, I realized my shorts were unzipped. Yep, I just walked around Walmart making fun of people and the whole time my fly was down. 

Now that’s class.

The moral of the story is: Make sure your pants are zipped before you make fun of the characters at Walmart or you might find them taking pictures of you even as you snap pictures of them.