Always the Comedian

The parenting “experts” recommend parents spend one-on-one time with each of their children every day. It’s a great idea, in theory, but here in the real world, that’s nothing more than an unattainable goal designed to make parents feel like failures. As a single mom to six kiddos, I’m happy if I can find one-on-one time with one or two kids a year!

Today, I took Lexi to get new glasses. She lost hers sometime between the last day of school and the time we moved to Florida because, for some odd reason, she can’t manage to keep a pair for more than a couple months. I kept thinking her glasses would surface eventually, but I’ve since given up all hope of ever finding them.

So, Lexi and I took a little trip into town to pick out new frames. We talked on the way there. We sang along with the radio on the drive home. While at the store, Lex answered the clerk’s questions, smiled, and looked generally cute. It was nice. It helped me recover from the trauma of spending one-on-one time with Austin the day before.

Two days ago, I took Austin to the DMV so he could get his permit. The delightful DMV employee who, ah, “helped” us, was more interested in filing her nails than anything. She actually had the nerve to sit there, giving herself a manicure while we stood, staring at her, open-mouthed.

“Ahem, are we done here? Doesn’t he need to take the vision test?” I inquired.

“Ms. EmployeeOfTheYear gave us a disinterested glance. And WENT BACK TO CLIPPING HER NAILS!

We finally finished there (I have TWO drivers now!Eek!) and went on to do some more errands. I stopped at Sears to get a garage door opener clicky remote thingy because the previous homeowners didn’t leave me one. As the cashier rang up my purchase, he asked, “Would you like a small bag for this?”

I whispered, in smart-aleck fashion, to Austin, “No, I want a very large bag for it.”

Austin was supposed to chuckle at my terribly clever hilarity and that’s it. But instead, he asked the cashier, “Yes, and please double-bag it so the weight doesn’t break the bag. (Keep in mind, the only thing we bought was the little remote garage door opener that clips onto the visor in your car.)

Then Austin said, “Do you have a flatbed we can use to get this out to the car?”

The cashier’s look was priceless.

Austin continued, completely deadpan, “How ’bout we pull the car around and someone can bring it out and load it for us?”


Yep. That’s my son.  I can’t wait until the next time I get to spend one-on-one time with him.