You Might be a Mom If . . .

“You know, the root of the word Miller is a Greek word. Miller come from the Greek word “milo,” which is mean “apple,” so there you go. As many of you know, our name, Portokalos, is come from the Greek word “portokali,” which mean “orange.” So, okay? Here tonight, we have, ah, apple and orange. We all different, but in the end, we all fruit.”

I love that quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. We’re all different, yet we have many things in common. I’m talking about moms here. Moms are a unique breed and we have much in common with each other. We speak a secret language only other moms can understand. We understand “mom behavior” that may baffle those who have never cared for a child. Moms understand the “Mom Purse”.  They understand how one could go weeks without shaving one’s legs simply because it could be dangerous to take that much time in the shower when there are small kids and crayons in the next room.  Moms get it when you say your maternity clothes are simply your clothes despite the fact your baby is in high school.

So, here, in no particular order, are a dozen things that set us moms apart from the crowd.

You might be a mom if . . .

REASON # 1

…you’ve ever put your hand out to catch something your child spits out of his mouth, or wiped snot from your child’s face – with your bare hand. This is what moms do. I don’t know why this is, but ask any mom and she’ll tell you the same.

REASON # 2

…you’ve ever uttered the phrase “Take the hotdog out of your nose”, “We don’t lick our friends”, “No, frogs do not fly”, or “Because I said so!” Moms tend to say some crazy, inane words and the thing is – we don’t even realize it. To us, it’s perfectly normal to say, “Stop burping show tunes at the dinner table.”

REASON # 3

…you’ve ever updated your Facebook status with “the funniest thing your child just said” or “the cutest thing your child just did”.

REASON # 4

…your favorite television show is a cartoon. I recently wrote on Facebook how much I loved Phineas and Ferb and within minutes, I had over forty comments from other moms admitting their love of kids’ shows. image: DisneyChannel

REASON # 5

…you’ve ever had a conversation about poop at the dinner table. “Hey Mom, I had a sinker this morning, pass the orange juice.”

REASON # 6

…you’ve subsisted a week on nothing but your kid’s leftovers. Lucky Charms, mac-n-cheese, and chicken nuggets. It’s a
health mom thing.

REASON # 7

…you know how to get nail polish out of carpet, permanent marker off the dining room table, gum out of hair, playdough out of clothing, and disposable diaper gel out of the washing machine.

REASON # 8

…you have Barbie shoes, Legos, used tissues, a sucker covered in lint, cookie crumbs, fruit snacks, a Match Box car, a pacifier, a rock, and the handle from the toilet in your purse. And all that seems perfectly normal to you.

REASON # 9

…you have thirty coloring book apps on your phone. The phone that’s covered with sticky, little finger prints. Yeah, that phone. The one you never get to use.

REASON # 10

…you stand by the window, waiting for the mailman (which, incidentally, is the highlight of your day) just to
see what he brought you have a little adult conversation.

REASON # 11

…you’ve ever pretended to be asleep when a child comes into your room at 5:00AM just to buy yourself another five minutes of sleep.

REASON # 12

…you’ve ever sat through a baseball game in 30 degree weather, put together a science project at midnight, sewed a Halloween costume, forgotten to play Tooth Fairy, potty trained a child, taught a child to drive, taught a child to swim, fed your kids ice cream for breakfast because you were just too tired to fight about it, or found a toy dinosaur in the toilet.