Camping (or Something Like That)

"You know what makes me sad about you and dad being divorced, Mom?"

I braced myself for the answer because there are just so many reason for my kids to be sad, especially since their father quit being a parent and pushed the kids out of his life when we got divorced.

"What's that, sweetie?" I asked.

"I miss camping," was the answer that was echoed by all the siblings. "Would you take us camping sometime, Mom?"

"I love you guys and would do anything I possibly could for you, but camping? Couldn't I do something else for you guys instead? Something like poking myself in the eye with a stick or throwing myself down the stairs?"


“Moooom!”

“What?  I’m just trying to think of something a little less painful than camping.”

“Moooom!  Stop teasing!  Can we go camping, please?”

“Teasing?  Oh.  Um, oh yeah.  I was just teasing, heh heh.” I stammered.

Now, just to give you a little background, I hate camping.  I mean, I really, really hate camping.  For the life of me, I cannot think of a single reason why anyone would willingly choose to camp when there are perfectly good homes and hotels and bed & breakfasts and motels and even vans down by the river.  Camping is sleeping outside where there is no temperature control.  And you know what else sleeps outside?  Animals, that’s what!  Wild animals!  I don’t invite squirrels into my house to sleep with me; why on earth would I invite myself to sleep in their habitat?  And cooking?  There’s a reason why we don’t cook like the pioneers anymore!  Because they invented Chinese take-out!

So, I did what any other loving mother would do.  I gave the kids that famous non-answer answer.  ”Maybe.”  Maybe is my most favorite parenting word.  It’s not saying no and breaking their little hearts (although, don’t get me wrong, I have no problem saying no to the vast majority of their requests), and it’s not committing to anything.  Of course, maybe isn’t the end of the conversation; it only stalls the inevitable end for a bit because kids will always, always remember your maybes.  They may forget for a day or two.  They may even forget for weeks or months.  But one day, when you least expect it, they’ll bring it up again.  ”Hey Mom, remember when you said we could maybe go camping?”

“No.  I have no idea what you’re talking about,” you’ll answer.

“Yeah, we asked you if we could go camping seven years ago and you said maybe.  So can we go now?”

I knew my maybe would hold them off for a while, but dreading the unavoidable moment they’d bring it up again, I decided to circumvent their questions and offer a compromise.

Have fun camping, kids.  I’m just gonna take a bath, microwave a cup of tea, and go watch a movie while lying in my nice, comfy bed.  I guess camping isn’t so bad after all.