The Year in Review

Here's the year in review via my Facebook status updates...

~ OK, I know I've had some wine, but why is there an ad for chicken nuggets in Spanish scrolling across my computer?

~ 50 inch spider crawling on ceiling. Tried to smoosh it. I missed. He's out for revenge. He's gonna chew my face off in my sleep, I just know it!

~ I hear Clay & Brooklyn in the kitchen doing an experiment with cups, water, poker chips, yogurt, and ice. I'm avoiding them. Yes, I know I'll need gasoline and a match to clean up the mess, but for now - ignorance is bliss.

~ I think I just fell asleep in the middle of a sentence. Should I be concerned?

~ Play-Doh is of the devil, I tell ya! The DEVIL!

~ Deep breaths, deep breaths, deep breaths. It's only powdered sugar. And water balloons. And soap. And soaking wet towels. And melting strawberry, umm, goo. It could be worse; there could be a shaved cat involved.

~ 12 kids, a makeshift slip-n-slide with a tarp and a hose. Oh yeah, this'll end well.

~ Thinking that birthday cake and Mai Tais might not be the best diet. Oh who am I kidding? It's an awesome diet!

~ You know you can't have cookies for breakfast. Oh what the heck. I'm tired. Want some ice cream to go with them, kids?

~ What do you wanna be when you grow up, Brooklyn? A mom! Or a mermaid. It's good she's got a back-up plan.

~ Don't worry. That noise you hear is just Brooklyn. Her head is exploding because I didn't get her a Baby Bottle Pop at the store.

~ For sale: one slightly used four-year-old. She comes with her own tiara. Tantrums included for free.

~ There's a moth the size of a BAT in my room! I sprayed it with perfume. It's drunk and angry now. I can't sleep or it'll eat my face off.

~ It's all fun and games until someone's hit with a seventy mph jellyfish.

~ What kind of sick, twisted people get up this early?

~ You know the sound a 2-liter bottle of pop makes as it's shaken, opened, and dripping from the ceiling? I do.

~ I walked outside and stepped on something cold and wet and squishy. Now I have to cut my foot off.

~ Why is Brooklyn's shoe filled with chewed gum? Why do I even ask these things? Nevermind.

~ I may have to make a chocolate run. I mean, go out to the store for chocolate. Not have the runs because of chocolate. That would be gross. Not that it would stop me from eating chocolate or anything. Okay, I'll stop talking now.

~ At football game. I'm positive they make up the rules as they go along.

~ I thought I had x-ray vision. Nope, my kid is just running around naked again.

~ Clay took a bite of dinner and said, "This tastes like a raccoon." Not sure where he's been eating, but I'm pretty certain raccoon's never been on my menu.

~ Austin put a shrimp in his glass of sparkling cider and said, "Look! Shrimp cocktail!"