At Least They're Cute

I had Brooklyn's teacher conference the other day. Her teachers showed me her little report card. Brooklyn had gotten straight X's in every subject. (That's the preschool equivalent of A's.)She rocks in subjects like Counts to Ten, Holds Scissors Correctly, and Gallops. I'm telling you, this girl is going places!

Her teachers continued to tell me that Brooklyn not only knows what she's doing in school, but she's always happy to help the kids sitting at her table.

They ended with, "If we had eighteen Brooklyns in class, we'd be happy."

Oh yeah! I walked out of there beaming because, clearly, it was my stellar parenting that had earned her such a glowing report. I must be the most awesome mom on the planet. How else could you possibly explain my daughter's brilliance? I quickly drove home so I could start filling out college applications for her. However, when I walked in the door, all my dreams were dashed.

"Hey Mom! Will you sign this?" Clay asked, as he handed me a piece of paper.

I looked at the paper and started reading. "...Clayton was standing on the toilet seat goofing off in the bathroom..."

I sighed, shaking my head in defeat. "Thanks for putting me in my place, Clay."

"What, Mom?"

"I said, Clayton Reid Meehan, why on earth were you standing on the toilet seat?! You have GOT to learn to think first and then make a good choice!"

Okay, so maybe my kids aren't quite the brilliant products of my stellar parenting. Still, they're kinda cute...

"Mom, this is NOT the real Santa. He sounds like a Muppet and his beard falls down when he talks."

"But I'll pose and smile nice for a picture with this impostor because you never know, he might have ties to the real deal."