A Post About Nothing

So, I've been driving my older kids, who usually walk, to school because it's been so cold and snowy. Today, after dropping Austin off, I watched him walk into the school and I noticed something odd. He didn't swing his arms. He's like Molly Shannon when she was a guest on Seinfeld. "It's like she's carrying invisible suitcases." Seriously. I mentioned it to him tonight and asked, "What's up with that?" He kinda laughed and said, "Someone just told me that same thing last week!"

That started a whole debate on whether it was normal to swing your arms or not. That deteriorated into a demonstration of just how hard it is to swing your left arm while stepping forward with your left foot and to swing your right arm while stepping with your right foot. Don't believe me? Try it. I'll wait. (insert whistling) Back? See what I mean? You look like some deranged Frankenstein's monster while trying to walk that way. For extra fun, walk that way all day tomorrow. Walk that way down the aisles of Target, at work, walking to pick your kids up from school. It'll be fun. See how many people ask you if you're having medical problems and report back to me.

Anyway, I assured my son that I wasn't making fun of him (after I quoted Seinfeld a couple more times, that is. "Her arms just hang like salamis." "She walks like an orangutan.") I told him that it was no big deal because people have different styles of walking, but I was curious. I wanted to know if he consciously held his arms at his sides or if it came naturally to him to walk that way. He said it just came naturally to walk that way at school. His theory was that he needs to walk really quickly between a couple of his classes because they're so spread out and he tends to keep his arms straight when he's walking quickly.

Honestly, as he walked into school, he wasn't exactly moving at a sprint, however. In fact, he looked a little like he was heading to his own execution. His head was slightly downcast as he slowly made his way into the torture chamber that is high school.

Ever the scholar, still curious and wanting to waste time, I had to google this. I learned basically that scientists (after they got lots of money to research this, no doubt) have discovered that people tend to swing their arms when walking because it helps with balance. Wow! It's amazing what these scientists come up with. What would we do without that information? Oh, I know! We could spend the money that goes to idiotic research and use it for discovering cures to multiple diseases. Just a thought. But then we wouldn't be able to make fun of those who spend billions to study really important things like whether a pack of baboons could teach themselves how to drive a car, or what the best cereal to milk ratio is for the perfect bowl of cereal, or how badly does smashing your thumb with a hammer really hurt or can an armadillo embroider his name on a potholder. (You know the scary thing? Someone probably DID receive millions to study these very things!)

So, in the end, I learned that my son carries imaginary suitcases when he walks into school and there are a lot of scientists who get paid to research asinine things and that my blog, much like the earlier quoted Seinfeld, does not have a point. It's a blog about nothing.