I went to the library this evening to get some writing done. I am SO close to finishing my second manuscript! Sooo close, but not quite done. This second book is about pregnancy and childbirth and I'm stuck on the part about delivery. I just keep thinking about things Joe did (or didn't do) that made me want to throw a bedpan at him while I was in labor. I don't think that'll make for a great chapter.
So, anyway, I was sitting at the library because I can usually write in peace there. Suddenly this guy walked over and sat down right next to me. What the heck? There were like 40 empty chairs and he sat down right there! So, he looks at me, smiles, and starts reading his book. He read like maybe 5 sentences, then jumped up and walked over to the paperback racks. He put his book back and grabbed a different one, then came back and sat down again. He kept staring at me as he managed to read another 5 sentences or so. Then he did it again! He got up, put that book back and grabbed yet another one!
He did this 4 times! And in between book-switching times, ADD boy just stared at me. It was SO weird. So, I wrote about this on my Facebook page and someone wrote back, "Maybe he reads your blog."
OK, that's great! He reads my blog, he's going to see where I Twittered about the "weirdo who sat down next to me at the library", he's going to stalk me and kill me. At least that line of thinking spurred me on to write another 1000 words so I could at least finish my book before meeting my demise.
I went to the front of the library to get a cup of coffee because I was sitting next to the window and I was freezing my butt off. Of course when I stood up, I accidentally ripped my ear buds out of my computer and Major Tom by Peter Schilling blasted throughout the silence of the library. "4, 3, 2, 1..." Yep, I'm just classy that way.
When I came back, the guy had left. OK, that was odd, I thought. But I quickly got back to writing.
A little while later, I looked out the window to the apartment complex a few yards away from the library and oh my gosh, who do I see through the window! It was that guy! Now I'm officially freaked out. Is he watching me? Maybe he's looking the other way. Maybe he's just watching TV. I was too scared to look back out the window and check because I thought I'd see him looking back.
Again, I updated my Facebook page with what was going on. I believe after writing this tidbit on Facebook, my friends told me to step away from the coffee machine and to stop hallucinating.
After a couple minutes, I pretended to look through my purse for my flash drive and as I scrounged around for it, I nonchalantly glanced back through the window toward the apartments. Know what I saw? I saw that "the guy who was stalking me" was actually just a reflection of the librarian!
Yes, I am just THAT MUCH OF A DORK.
After I got back home, I emailed the whole saga to my friends. My friend Denise wrote back... "And maybe you're the ADD one who can't concentrate on her book and is easily distracted by clicking and some poor guy trying to find an interesting book to read who's wondering why you keep staring at him."
Yes, folks. I'm pretty sure this poor guy is on the phone with his friends right now telling them about the creepy girl at the library who couldn't stop staring at him.
What a riot! It sounds a little creepy, but funny at the same time. Hope he's not reading your blog!
ReplyDeleteI don't blame you for not remembering details while in labor. Yes, all I wanted to do was grab him by the.... and throw him across the room! It's amazing the Hellboy strength one possesses during labor.
Happy writing!
Isn't it amazing how we can find ways not to get things done?
ReplyDeleteAt least you figured out what was going on.
Ha!
ReplyDeleteHahahahahahahahhaaaaahahahaaa!
hahaha!
Maybe you should write a section in the chapter about delivery and call it "Perhaps other males should avoid this tactic" or "Learn from Joe's Delivery Room Errors" or "I Still Love Joe, Despite the Deliveries"
ReplyDeleteIn regard to
ReplyDelete'Feisty Irish Wench said...
Maybe you should write a section in the chapter about delivery and call it "Perhaps other males should avoid this tactic" or "Learn from Joe's Delivery Room Errors" or "I Still Love Joe, Despite the Deliveries"'
maybe Joe should write that chapter - or you could both write your accounts of the same moments for comparison. that way Joe wouldn't come out looking like a jerk, and it would probably be pretty funny.
hilarious about the librarian, by the way.
Ahh, my man did so many things wrong during labour but at least he believed me when I said the baby was stuck. That got him a shiny gold star. And those midwives who after hours of me pushing finally conceeded that perhaps the baby really is stuck... well I was still with it enough to realise they would be looking after me for the next few days so I let this one slide:)
ReplyDeleteWell at least you're still alive to finish the book!! Don't you ever ADD on the books? I don't judge a book by it's cover so much as it's first 5 minutes ;)
ReplyDeleteWell i'm glad you got so much work done!
ReplyDeleteIn my family we call that the "Taco Bell Effect." You are the first ones in the restaurant. You sit way off in a corner because you want your privacy. The very next people who come in will sit right next to you! It happens everywhere. I always sit as far as I can from others so I don't intrude on them, but I seem to be an oddball that way.
ReplyDeleteJust a thought, but have you ever considered the "creepy guy" sat next to you because he thought you were cute?
ReplyDeleteLOL....that's so something I would do!!
ReplyDeleteYour friends may be on to something with the ADD thing....There appears to be a genetic component to ADD, with Jackson having it there is a decent chance of either you or Joe having it as well...just some food for thought.
I love Major Tom. Now I'll have that song in my head.It is SO 80's. Good memories, good memories.
ReplyDeleteDidn't you write this before? I could have sworn you posted this like two weeks ago. Otherwise, I just wild deja vu.
ReplyDeleteI like Beth's idea of doing a "he said/she said" of the labor room stories. My mom tells this story about my dad: I was born before epidurals were commonplace. My sister was born when they were just becoming popular. So, my mom had an epidural while in labor with sis, but not me. While my mom is in labor with sis my dad comments, "I liked it better without the epidural. This is boring. It was more interesting when you were in pain." SERIOUSLY!! I told my dad he is lucky to still be alive!!
ReplyDeleteI still think it's weird that he sat right down next to you. A little creepy. Kind of like when an older guy got on the treadmill next to me at the gym, when there were a whole bunch of other ones free. Then I noticed him ogling my D cups out of the corner of his eye (I guess the gut flab didn't offend him). *rolls eyes* Unfortunately, I'm used to that. I was a C cup when I skinny so I've always had guys that think my eyes are about 18 inches lower than they are.
Maybe this guy does read your blog and he has a crush on you :o)
LOL!
ReplyDeleteWe were newly married, in a house with a bedroom at the back with the neighbor house behind us relatively close. I folded laundry while sitting on the bed. One day, every time I went into the bedroom someone outside whistled at me. We hadn't met the eccentric single man who lived behind us, but I had heard he was odd and had been through many wives.
Hubby came home and we decided to tell neighbors a few houses down about this. They laughed their butts off. They told us the neighbor wasn't even home...it was his mynah bird!
Who knew a bird could whistle a cat call? ;-)
And I missed all this excitement in your life because I was feeling bloated, crappy, tired, and went to bed early. Goes to show you, if you go to bed early, you miss all the cool stuff going on. NOw I have to catch up on your twitter feed and look back thorugh last night's FB entries. Have fun in Philly. Hope the storms don't slow ou down. Stay warm! XOXO
ReplyDeletetee-hee, i'd totally do the same, in fact, i just got my library card yesterday (just moved) and can't wait to stalk and be (faux) stalked!
ReplyDeletestop calling yourself a dork! it's not that bad.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!
ReplyDeleteYeah, you definitely need a Keurig. Best. Invention. Ever. And no clean up!
ReplyDelete~Laura
LOL! How old was the guy? As a social psychology professor, I just wanted to say that it sounds suspiciously familiar to social psychology experiment on watching what people do when you violate their social norms(such as sitting next to someone when there is plenty of room available to sit down). You could have been unwittingly taken part in research!
ReplyDelete"I just keep thinking about things Joe did (or didn't do) that made me want to throw a bedpan at him while I was in labor. I don't think that'll make for a great chapter."
ReplyDeleteThat would ABSOLUTELY make for a great chapter! Basically ANYTHING our husbands do while we're in labor makes us want to throw things at them. Don't touch me, don't tell me to breath, don't count, don't touch me, don't tell me I'm doing great...etc. etc...
So, my instincts about creepy people using the library appear to be dead on. Thanks for the warning. I usually attract them at Panera Bread while trying to meet a deadline myself.
ReplyDeleteI'm currently pregnant with my first, and have been reading your blog since the big ebay debacle of the pokemon cards. I think that your book should have a chapter about husbands or birth partners and what is useful, and what might land them with a bedpan over the head... my husband tends to say the wrong thing and I look at him like I'd like to deck him, so it'd be entertaining, include it!
ReplyDeleteLOL.....SO true...You made his Facebook!
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha! That sounds just like something I would do! My daughters tell me I am a worry wort and a nutso conspiracy theorist. I'm always worried about some weirdo whom I encountered, and the same is true in my case... it's probably me who is the weirdo! :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah, and you should definitely include that chapter in your book. I think most women can relate to that "I just wanted to throw a bedpan at him" feeling. :-)
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm truly fascinated by is not so much your dorkiness, but the fact that you have coffee in the library. (Or did you have to go outside to get it?)
ReplyDeleteIt was probably my brother. He likes to cruise the library and Borders book store for women.
ReplyDeleteI work in a library and let me tell you, there are VERY STRANGE PEOPLE who hang out here. You weren't imagining anything. Oh the stories I could tell you!
ReplyDeleteMy labor slowed waaay down so my husband and the doctor were cracking jokes as they sat by my feet in stirups!
We all have ups and downs in our marriages. I encourage you all to hang in there. It is worth it.
If you need help writing about birth, let me know. I went through it for the second time 3 weeks ago. the details are still VERY fresh.
ReplyDeletehttp://tuttlefamily-jen.blogspot.com/2009/01/january-8-2009.html
It's alll about perspective, Dawn! and congrats on finishing the manuscript (assuming I interpreted this correctly)! Whoo! So when are you going out to celebrate?
ReplyDeleteAnd as far as the delivery stories.... I don't know; I think the stories of things Joe did and didn't do could actually be a pretty good chapter!
paper, snow, a GHOST! - from your twitter. LOL!!! things Joey said on the episode where he was on Pyramid "the one where the stripper cries." I love that you say random friends quotes! :D
ReplyDeleteJust one comment tonight. I thought husband, throwing bedpans, and labor were synonomous. How do you write about delivering a baby without including that trio?! %)
ReplyDeleteLOL on your crazed stalker in the apartment. That's so something I would do. Only in the meantime I probably would have cried or something. I out dork you - I promise.
ReplyDeleteI would love to read HIS blog and facebook page about the freaks he encounters at the library!
ReplyDeleteToo funny!
ReplyDeleteyou know what, I can't remember a lot of the things my dh said & did during labor. Two things seem to happen every time, though: He falls asleep, and He doesn't believe that I'm *actually* in labor until the hospital admits me (great to have a pessimist at your side! Not).
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of Joe writing a chapter!
Oh, and crazy library guy might have just been hoping to read some of your book over your shoulder. I would have freaked too. Actually, I would have moved to a different seat.
When do we find out who won the johnson and johnson giveaway?!!
ReplyDeleteI'd take that weirdo any day. The weirdo's around here, don't just stare. They blurt out obscenities and follow you with your kids. It's harder to get away dragging three kids.
ReplyDeleteThe staring and questions about the man yelling "oh, you sexy thing, look at you!", making it impossible to hurry.
Love your blog~
Lmao! Sounds like something I'd do. At least it makes for a great story and you killed at least two birds with one stone by being able to write about it for here, haha.
ReplyDeleteWhat I Did During While My Wife Gave Birth To Our Children By Rick Green
ReplyDeleteThe first two deliveries were very intense. My wife accomplished the second one with no medication at all. This wasn't a "Oh, we believe in natural child birth thing." She was delivered in a SMALL country hospital and by the time the doctor got there it was too late for medication.
I was unprepared for the intensity of the situation at first. Marylynn was in P-A-I-N!! I'm pretty much a big baby and when the pains really started to hit I couldn't help it and began to tear up and cry.
My wife, needing an anchor at the moment, looked at me and said, "You're the one that suppose to be strong."
So, from then on, when it got intense, I would try to hide my head beside the bed and get in a quick cry before I had to come up and face her.
I don't think it worked. She could tell.
I have NO desire to see any grandchildren born. I plan to be planted in a room with a T.V. and loads of snacks waiting out of ear shot for someone to come in and give me the news.
The End
Are you alive? Did the library guy find you? I'm having Dawn & Co. withdrawls!
ReplyDeleteFound you in the February issue of Good Housekeeping. Oh my gosh. My daughter came in to see what I was laughing about.
ReplyDeleteYou know what? I'm a complete dork and would have done the same thing!
There was a snowstorm a few weeks ago (and a continued one since), I stopped in a store to get some Lysol (a friend had taken ill at my house and EWWWW!), so I parked the car kind of caddy-wompus but I was the only one in the lot. I came out to an empty lot with another vehicle parked almost on top of my car. The owner came out as I was strapping my daughter in and said, "Oh, I think I may have gotten a little close." All I could say was, "Just a little." Girlfriend was so close that there was barely room for me to wedge my somewhat petite 5 foot frame in between to get the kid strapped in.
Thanks for the good laugh!
I had to come back and reread this one. All the comments about the husbands wouldn't leave me alone. Although I still believe that husbands, throwing bedpans, and labor make up a natural trio in our present era, I think I figured out what's bothering me.
ReplyDeleteI just finished doing some historical research involving isolated/pioneer/missionary families and the importance of community. Within 100 years ago in the US and still today in as much as 20% of the world husbands ARE the midwives. Most western men today seem to fall into 2 categories - 1. Can't wait till next time! 2. Never Again!
Kind of knocks the wind out of "We've come a long way, baby!"
Oh my gosh, how funny! Sometimes it's really easy to freak yourself out. I *hate* when people just sit outside my apartment for no known reason...it's like they are waiting for me to come outside!
ReplyDelete