All I Want for Christmas

Someone asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I thought that my list was too long to put in my Sunday Sound Out. It needs a post all its own. So here, without further ado, is my Christmas wish list. Feel free to send me anything on my list. Really.

Dear Santa,

10. I want my cold to go away. I'm sick of being sick. And thank you to everyone who suggested I use the neti pot, but there is no way on earth that I am going to purposely pour water up my nose thankyouverymuch. I try to avoid getting water in my nose while swimming so I'm sure not going to drown myself on purpose.

9. I thought about asking for peace on earth, but I think we can all agree that's a pretty tall order. Instead, I'm asking for peace in my house. Just one glorious day of peace, really. Just a couple hours of peace would be nice. Ok, just enough peace for me to finish this blog post.

8. I want to be a size 4. OK a 6. OK, I just want to fit my butt back into the clothes I wore before I ever got pregnant with Austin. I will accept gift cards for liposuction. I'm not above plastic surgery.

7. I want Alice. How nice would it be to have someone to cook dinner every night and to do the laundry and help fix things when your middle daughter, not wanting to look "positively goofy," refuses to wear her glasses and rides her bike into a picture.

6. I want 2 more hours in my day. Wait, that's still not enough time. I want 4, no 6, no make that 8 more hours in my day. Yes, I want an additional 8 hours of time every day. Hmmm, can the school day last an extra 8 hours too?

5. I want to be done changing diapers. I've been changing diapers for more than 14 years straight! I've had at least one, sometimes 2 and even 3, kids in diapers for more than 14 years. Enough is enough. No more diapers! Just say no to diapers!

4. I want a new set of measuring spoons because Joe keeps grinding mine up in the garbage disposal since he doesn't check to make sure nothing is in there before running it! I mean, really! Duh! He's obliterated nearly every measuring spoon (and a fair number of cake decorating tips too!) I own. And no, it is not my fault for leaving them lying around in the sink. Absolutely not.

3. A pair of Dansko or Sanita clogs in every color and pattern. Size 38 please. Thanks to my readers who got me hooked on these. I love my shoes!

2. A full 8 hours of sleep without being kicked in the butt or the face by toddler feet.

1. I'd like a do-over on my life from ages 18-22. Although if I had a do-over, I probably wouldn't be here in this same position today. Hmmm, I'd miss my kids. But if I'd never had them, then I wouldn't miss them because I wouldn't know they ever existed. But what if I had a do-over and I screwed things up even worse than I did the first time around? Then I'd be stuck and I'd have to kick myself for thinking the grass is greener. But maybe my life would be spectacularly fulfilled if I could do things over. OK, so my final answer is - I want a do-over with the option of undoing what I undid.

If that's too much for Santa to handle, then I'll just take a new manicure set because for some unknown reason, my kids have swiped every clipper, pair of scissors, file, and cuticle pusher thingy out of mine. They insist they didn't do it, so I suppose it's possible they disappeared into the mysterious "single sock" black hole, but I'm doubtful.

Thank you Santa.

Oh P.S. I'm sorry I ate the cookies the kids left out for you. But don't worry because I washed them down with a glass of wine so the milk is still here for you to drink.