My Kids Are All Nuts (and that includes my husband)

At Savannah's orthodontist appointment today, I stayed out in the car with the little kids because they were all off-the-wall insane. I parked the car and let Savannah go inside by herself to get her braces checked. While I sat there, Clay and Lexi unbuckled from their car seats and started jumping around like super balls. Brooklyn and Clayton screeched and laughed and snapped their blankets around, hitting one another. Lexi repeatedly blew up the balloon she'd gotten at school, then she let all the air out in a giant spitty breeze. Again and again and again.

And again.

I got up and buckled Clay back in, threatened to superglue him to his seat, and told Lexi to sit her butt back down now. Then I scrounged around, looking for something to keep the kids more busy and less, you know, insane. I found a couple fries under my seat that had probably been there since we went to Sonic. I considered feeding them to the kids for a minute promptly threw them out. What's this? Goody bags? Yahoo! I found 3 goody bags that were leftover extras from Jackson's birthday party! I looked through the bags and pulled out some candy and pretzels (Yeah, yeah, I put some pretzels in with the toys and candy. My kids have already made fun of me for this so you don't have to.)

So the pretzels kept the kids occupied for a good 2.4 seconds. And then they started to go into orbit so I did what any other normal, well-adjusted, sane mother would do. I turned the radio full blast to drown out the cacophony from the backseats. Unfortunately, like most normal, well-adjusted, sane kids, they were not about to be outdone by the radio so they just raised their own voices a few hundred decibels.

Then, the most wonderful thing happened. A train came by! A train came by about 3 yards from our car! The kids were silent! They stared out the window at the train you could practically touch from our van. I mean, it was almost as close to us as the train that came by every half hour, all weekend long, when we were camping. Why is it that every campground we go to is situated mere feet away from a busy railroad track anyway??? Sorry, I digress.

So this train held their attention and kept them mesmerized as it rattled by so close it shook the car. And then finally Savannah came out and told me they wanted to talk to me. We switched places and I went in. Her orthodontist is one of those funny guys who doesn't have to think of something humorous to say; it just comes out. Everything out of his mouth elicits a laugh. Well, maybe not everything out of his mouth. I mean, if he were to, say, throw up, that wouldn't make me laugh, but you catch my drift. He asked where Savannah had disappeared to and I replied, "She's in the car watching the little kids who are off their rockers."

"Are you still feeding them?" he inquired.

"Oh, is that what I'm doing wrong?"

"Yeah, you gotta stop feeding them. Eventually they slow down that way. Either that or harness them to a stake in the yard and just let them run around in circles. Hook them up to a generator and let them power your house."

I love this guy! He's a wealth of helpful information and ideas! I think I'm going to try that last suggestion. Talk about going green! Kid power! Who needs electricity? If we could harness the energy of your average toddler, I'm certain it could power a city block. Think of the possibilities! And say goodbye to gas for $4.00+ a gallon! Just equip cars with hamster wheels and let the kids go!

What? At least I think of good ideas! Unlike Joe and the kids. I'm not sure how it started, but at dinner tonight, they brainstormed different uses for the pitching machine.
"You could put rocks in it and shoot them at the neighbor's house."
"Oooo! Oooo! I know! How about paint balls?"
"We could shoot knives out at the garage and see if they stick!"
"Oh! How about ketchup?"
"No! I've got it! Waterballoons!"
The kids and Joe all laughed uproariously and almost fell off their chairs while I sat there rolling my eyes at the sheer stupidity of the conversation. Yep, that's my family.

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