My son has a band concert this week so naturally, he told me that he didn't have black pants or a white shirt that fit yesterday. Thanks for the heads up, hon. So, I took him out to the mall after school yesterday to get the black pants and white shirt that are the required uniform for band concerts.
As we walked into the mall, I had the nerve, the sheer audacity, to touch Austin's shoulder. He jumped away from me, his body convulsing as he recoiled from the poison of "mom cooties". I stupidly tried again to put my arm around his shoulder. Again, he jumped away from me and gave me a look that said, "What is wrong with you, woman?! You're embarrassing me!"
I told him, "Ohhhh boy. You don't have any idea what embarrassment is." Then I said, so everyone within a 20 mile radius could hear, "THIS IS MY SON! ISN'T HE CUTE? I'M SO PROUD OF HIM! I LOVE THIS GUY!"
"Moooom!" My son freaked out. "You're so embarrassing."
"That's not embarrassing. When I do it tomorrow in front of all your friends at the band concert, that will be embarrassing."
He wasn't amused.
I haven't been clothes shopping with Austin in a long time. I usually just pick up jeans and bring them home for him while I'm out shopping. Now I remember why.
I grabbed some black pants in a couple different sizes and told him to try them on. "Let me see them after you have them on."
He did the required eye roll and disappeared into the dressing rooms. He reappeared after a while wearing a pair of pants.
"Well, those look ok. They're a little bit long, but I think they'll be alright with your shoes. Are they comfortable?"
"I dunno."
"You don't know? Do they feel ok???"
"Sure."
"Ugh. Put on the other pair and let me see the length."
Another eyeroll as he trudged back to the dressing room.
He reemerged with the other size pants on. "Hmmm, I think these are just a little too short."
"I like these. They're comfortable."
"Do these fit better than the first pair 'cause they look a little short?"
"I like these better."
I lifted up his shirt so I could see how the pants fit around his waist. They weren't even fastened! They were too small and he couldn't even zip them up! They didn't fit at all and there he is saying that they felt fine and were comfortable. What the...???
"Ummm hello? Are you going to have your shirt tucked in and your pants unfastened when you stand up there in front of a gym full of parents to play your solo?" snort Yeah, that wouldn't be too embarrassing.
On the bright side, I think I've discovered an effective punishment for him. "Clean your room and finish your chores or I'm taking you to the mall to try on twenty pairs of pants."
OMG. You just described shopping with my younger teenage brother to. a. tee. Maybe we should send Austin and my brother to the mall to see what kinda zany outfits they can come up with on their own.
ReplyDeleteHilarious!! Love your life Dawn! :)
ReplyDeleteI'll take your teen over my 2 year-old any day. At least you can walk out of the store if he starts really driving you insane. I tried that once. Children's Protective Services frown on that behavior.
ReplyDeleteI've yet to have my kids shy away from me in public. I am so not looking forward to that. Although at my daughter's birthday party she told me not to sing to the music. I almost did it just to spite her. She has also taken to critiquing what I wear in case it might embarrass her. She better be careful. I don't care what people think about me near as much as she does. :)
ReplyDeleteI'll take your teen over my two year-old any day. At least when he starts really driving you insane you can walk out of the store and wait for him to finish in the car. I tried that once- Child Protective services were not amused.
ReplyDeleteWhat does he play?
Oh, good move, hon! I'm gonna try that.
ReplyDeleteAnd wait until you go shopping with a teen girl and have scintillating conversations in the dressing rooms, such as:
"Why can't I buy this?"
"Because it makes you look like a slut."
"Well, I want to look like a slut."
Good times!
I've always said that it's a beautiful thing when your children are old enough to be embarrassed by their parents.
ReplyDelete(It almost makes up for all of those grocery store tantrums when they were three)
Ack! A fate worse than death to a teenage boy.
ReplyDeleteExcept mine. Good lands, the boy loves to shop and it scares me. What's with him? Is he normal? Should I have him checked out?
Oh man...
ReplyDeleteMy daughters do this to me all the time. Each time I remind them they need to give me more time.
I told my girl she could wear whatever I buy her to the choir concert. I found a lovely gown that looks like an original Morticia Adams! *claps with glee*
My oldest is just awful to shop with, but her younger sister is a lot of fun.
It causes some conflicts and jealousy at times, but I have to maintain the policy that if you are not pleasant to be around I am not going to take you shopping. :D
lol, I'm so looking forward to my daughter becoming a teenager.
ReplyDeleteHa Ha HA :-) I had one brother like that, and the other one we couldn't (and still can't) get him to quit shopping for clothes ;-)
ReplyDeleteToo funny. The joys of things I have to look forward to :-)
I clipped this comic out of my local paper when I saw it. I really related and I think you might too. Zits
ReplyDeleteI threatened by 12 yo boy that if he didn't clean up his room he had to go bra shopping with me.
ReplyDeleteThe room was cleaned in record time.
LOL! I love the punishment idea ... it's brilliant!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad my DS is 6 and still little enough to hold my hand and kiss my cheek in public ... but I know it won't last for long. I'm LOL at the imagery of your mall experience!
I'll have to remember to threaten my 9 year old boy with going shopping for clothes with me if he doesn't clean his room!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could understand why kids think that pants that don't fit are comfortable. My son continually likes to wear his jeans so loose they almost fall off, so we have started buying the ones with adjustable waistbands and cinching them up as tight as they will go. (OK, not really but he's a beanpole, so ALMOST.) I told him it's either that or I'll de-pants him in public.
--Mary
I love (and live) to embarrass my kids! I feel that I am just getting back at them for all the times they loudly announced in the grocery store (or where ever) that they "had to pee", "were going to puke", "I need to poop right now".....With six kids, you have ammunition for a long time! Use those moments well...very well, Dawn, it will be good to have payback someday!
ReplyDeleteDawn,
ReplyDeleteI was having a bad day just a few minutes ago...(selling/buying a house problems...ugh), and I decided to check your blog to see if you posted a new entry yet for today. You just literally cheered me up in an instant....that mall shopping trip is EXACTLY like my son and I have....so funny...thanks for the laughs!
Donna in NY :)
Don't worry, Dawn. My son is 17 and he is finally OK with me kissing him on the cheek and/or hugging him in public again. I even asked him if I was embarrassing him and he said "No, you're my Mom, it's OK".
ReplyDeleteWhat a great kid! I'm sure with your love and support, Austin will turn out the same way.
My father followed the comment "you don't know what embarrassment is" with a run down the up escalator. I was humiliated and spent years in recovery!
ReplyDeleteLOL OMG this is so funny. My boys are 25 and 21 now, but this brought back many memories of trips to the mall to buy clothes for them!! Oh my Lord the eye roll thing and the CLOTHES they would want!!! And just think -- you have five other kids to go through this with!! LOL
ReplyDeleteI'm lucky in that my son is still young enough to still be affectionate with me, even in public (he's 3 1/2). I know it won't last long, however. When it ends, I can't wait to embarrass him (one of the many joys of parenthood, right?!) when he rebuffs me. Thanks for the "ammunition" and the "threat" ideas to use when needed. :) Laura, PA
ReplyDeleteI remember this age - wonderful isnt it! LOL!
ReplyDeleteMy son developed a "look" he used to give to me when I was saying/doing something that was (in his eyes) just too embarrassing.
One day we were going somewhere and I got the "lecture" - dont say this, dont do that....and I sarcastically replied "hmmmm...I thought these were my lines!"
My Tween came home the other day and said "We have an orchestra concert today!"
ReplyDeleteAck - I thought I had a week to shop for the black and white "uniform"! I had to run out and find something QUICK (two hours). You really cannot find black skirts for young girls this time of year.
I found a mini knit skirt in the juniors department for her. It actually fit! YIKES!
Torture for boys would be to go shopping;. Torture for girls would be NOT to go shopping and have mom pick up something that would make them look CUTE! LOL!
I have yet to have that one happen, but my 2 older boys won't even hardly speak to me at a school function. And I don't dare ask for a hug anymore because I don't want the "You have cooties and you're embarrassing" look.
ReplyDeleteI've told my teens, "Behave, or I'll sing. LOUD!"
ReplyDeleteWorks like a charm!
My 10 year old and my 9 year old nephew are the same way. My nephew will wear them unbuttoned if they don't fit and never say a word. Funny how girls will tell you and boys will wear them till you notice.
ReplyDeleteTry shopping with twin 2 year old girls with an 11 month old in your arms.
ReplyDeleteUnlike boys, the twins know EXACTLY what they want. Even if it doesn't fit, and they will let you KNOW in their own way (screaming, kicking fit) that they want it.
I can't believe he didn't care his pants were way to small! Sounds like something my husband would do. :)
I am going to play on your sympathies and tell you I have 3 teen sons. After you get them home in another week they will say "I need some black pants for band". "I thought I just bought you some." "Oh those never fit right. I just bought them because it was all they had." UGH. Teen girls however (I have one of those and one just out of teens in college) will take HOURS to try on pants because none of them fit right. "How do these look mom?" "Just like the last pair".
ReplyDeleteYeppers, buy clothes in multiple sizes, try them on at home, return the cast offs. That IS the easiest way to shop for boys.
ReplyDeleteHow do I know this? DS is 25. He preferred to wear the same 2 pair of jeans (no-name-brand -for-him-please) until they were about to fall apart in the wash lest I make him go shopping.
He has graduated college AND dresses properly in only name brand duds like Brooks Brothers.
See! There IS hope!
maggieb!
LOVE it....my daughter, will say she will wear stuff and then when it comes time won't...(not helpful that her dad who she is with 50% of the week forgets what shirt goes with which pants (or that there is a match to begin with)... I am planning to geranimal next year's purchases (of course, I am still in charge of the purchasing, we just split the cost). Anyway, the real reason I posted today, I read your blog every day and found a quote (seriously it had the 6 KIDS part) and thought of you so I am sharing: Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
ReplyDelete- John Wilmot
Teenagers. You've just got to love them. And it doesn't get an better. I'd take 5 two year old to one teenager
ReplyDeletethat's hilarious!
ReplyDeletei have a 2 year old and i'm determined that when he's a teen and we go out in public i'm going to embarrass him ALL the time b/c he embarrasses me now by throwing PLENTY of fits in public!! it's payback! i can't wait!
My daughter is 11 and I'm JUST learning that if I like something, she HATES it! So I make it a point to pick out the ugliest thing in the store and say, "Hey, this is SO cute!" She then goes right for the rack with the clothes that I really like! Works like a charm - every time!!
ReplyDeleteDonna in PA :)
Loved your description! My own 12-year-old will not stand next to me in public. He has an older brother, so we don't need to go shopping, he gets his brother's clothes. The most embarrassing moment for him was when I wore my leopard-print velvet winter hat to a parent-teacher meeting at his school. Now my threat is "...or I'll take you to school tomorrow, wear the leopard hat and HUG you good-bye in front of your friends!" Works like a charm. (Honestly, the hat is bad. The guys from circus school wanted to buy it for their show... But I love it and I don't care what people think!)
ReplyDeleteWow, you so make me look forward to the wee ones growing up... err older.
ReplyDeleteOf course when we did the fashion show of spring clothes this year to see if anything still fit, Mister Man went through EVERY piece of clothing in his closet. I got four tried on with Little Miss before she ran from the room and hid. Figures.
Teenagers are fun to mess with, aren't they? Their achilles heel - embarrassing behavior from their parents. It's your secret weapon.
ReplyDeleteThis sounds exactly like the description of me shopping with my MOTHER!
ReplyDeleteEverytime I come into town I want to go to shopping at her mall... and everytime she gives me the same speech, "I'd rather clean toilets than go shopping." And off I drag her...
She whines the entire time, doesn't want to look at anything I try on, walks away to look at her own stuff, AND then, inevitably leaves the mall with twice as much as me.
I've already given her the warning... 3 weeks and I'll be visiting... get those toilets cleaned early.
Yes, that's the perfect threat. And tell him you want to hold his hand all the time you are there.
ReplyDeleteThere is some justice. I'd give anything to go back in time to when I was about 13 and Mom took me shopping and held my hand. As soon as I could do it without seeming totally rude, I pulled my hand away. I would hold her hand all she wanted. I really would.
And he will too, in 47 years. Justice. You just have to wait for it.
I love to tell my 14 year old daughter that I'm going to roll the window down and tell that hot guy she thinks he's cute. :cackle: Torture is FUN!!
ReplyDeleteUmmmm, I think your Austin and my Austin (12) are soul brothers. We just had the violin concert tonight and the shopping for the white shirt and black pants had almost faded from my memory. My son refused to wear a white shirt and I was too tired to argue. So he had a black shirt and black pants. And yes, it's like pulling teeth shopping with him. But you're lucky. My Austin threatens me if I mention I could pick up some clothes for him. I am simply not ALLOWED to do that.
ReplyDeleteI embarass him by singing along to the music that's pumped into every shop, grocery store, restaurant, etc. It's not my fault I know all the words and that "I got the music in me!" Somehow he'll survive :-)
RAFLOL I am the same as you the more they pull away the worse they make for themselves lol. My 12 yr old has learmt the hard way that you either say goodbye to mum or she comes out to the bus in the morning to say goodbye and wave to you in her jammies and slippers lol.
ReplyDeleteDawn,
ReplyDeleteI have two young boys (6 & 4) and I know that I am going to need help in discovering inventive ways to keep them in line when they get older! This is going to fun!!! LOL!!! Thanks for the help Austin!!!
Anita in Indiana
Hilarious....I've had the same experience with my own 12 year old son.
ReplyDeleteHe had his band concert last night. This time I wised up. My friend's son (also 12) had his concert last week. She borrowed my son's black dress shoes (which were new at Christmas) for her son to wear.
This week, I got the shoes back and borrowed her sons black pants for my son to wear. It is crazy to buy this stuff for them to wear for ONE HOUR, when they are growing so fast and will most likely never wear it again. In the past, I've always had to trudge out and buy new shoes & or pants & shirt for each concert. Sometimes we've gotten lucky and have had maybe one other occasion to wear the get up, but ususally not.
It's only taken me about 8 band concerts total, between my kids, to figure this trick out!
So, for the next concert, go find a friend and share those clothes!
Hi Dawn, My son is 11 and he use to be so easy to shop for. I use to buy all his shirts from goodwill and they would be really nice name brand ones. Now they have stripes on them and all his new skateboard shirts are not Pro series brands. He has a full closet and nothing to wear. I refuse to spend big money on t-shirts so he is wearing plain ole hanes colored ones. Good threat for all to use ( I will take you shopping at Goodwill!) Kristine in Michigan.
ReplyDeleteThis actually reminds me of the episode of "Home Improvement" where Jill takes Randy clothes shopping. Did you do "the jiggle"? Thanks for my daily laugh!
ReplyDeleteThis cracked me up! I have a nearly 18 year old son and have not gone clothes shopping with him in FOREVER for the very same reason!! Thanks for keeping it real!
ReplyDeleteTry 2 teenage girls. One 17 one 13. Both of them so picky I swear everytime I say I am going to slit my throat before I take them again. One can't find anything to fit "right" and the other one wants the "slut" outfits. Its always a laugh. Try prom dress shopping. You find a dress in the first store, but she's not sure, so you look for 8, count them 8 more hours before you go back to the first store and buy THAT dress. Yes its lots of fun. I know your looking forward to it.....
ReplyDeleteMy darling now-17-year-old boy has spent the past 6 years asking me for concert clothes at the last minute. Once he asked half an hour before the concert! (He borrowed from his father on that one.)
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize we would ever have to make the boys try on clothes. I figured I'd just go to the next size like I do now. Thanks for bringing it to my attention that I will have to be tortured one day. I'll be sure to make it as embarrassing as possible which should be easy!
ReplyDeleteWhen my children (all grown and married off now) thought I was embarrassing them, I would tell them that I was getting even for all the times they embarrassed me! So there!
ReplyDeleteStill can't remember my password so am posting as Anonymous...
That would be me and my son.
ReplyDeleteWe are living this one out too! Just last weekend I was sitting next to my son at a church concert. Out of habit I would just scratch his back, with my arm resting behind him. OH MY!! I did this without even noticing I was doing it about 10 times! I was driving him mad! LOL!! Yeah, makes up for the times he has driven me mad!! Life is good!
ReplyDeletePam
We attach a sense of embarrassment to the strangest things. And, unfortunately, many deeds of ours that should embarrass us don’t. Perhaps education should include lessons on what should and shouldn’t embarrass us.
ReplyDeleteGreat story!
What, you say??
ReplyDeleteTry shopping with a teenaged girl!! I am the Mother of five.... four sons and one daughter.
I had dreams of how fun it was going to be to shop together...
Guess what?
Those dreams were all just a fantasy!
Shopping wise - Boys are a piece of cake... compared to girls...
Me: "This is cute!"
She: Like... eeeeew!"
Catch my drift?!
;) Jackie
http://thoughtsfromthedeepend.net
Oh wow that brought back bad memories of taking my step teen son shopping. Shoes were the worst. If they didn't have the laces the right length and no kidding - if the TREAD PATTERN WASN'T COOL - they went back on the shelf. I took him about 3 times, then told dh he could do it from then on. That worked once. They came home with a pair of $250 WHITE joggers. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
ReplyDelete