"That's fine for me as long as the nurse practitioner isn't a hot guy." I just have a problem getting that, umm, up close and personal with a good looking guy. A really cute male doctor can deliver my baby no problem though because let's face it - when you get to that point, you don't really care who delivers your baby. The hospital janitor could come up and deliver your baby, for all you care. You just want it OUT. But for that kind of check-up, I'll pass on Dr. Hottie Mc Hotterson.
So I had my fun-filled appointment today. After undressing and putting on a stylish "gown" {Seriously, why do they call it a "gown"? It's a large piece of paper with arm holes. Not a gown!}, the nurse practitioner came in and looked at my chart.
"So, why are you here today?"
"I'm here for my six week postpartum check."
She looked back at my chart and asked, "Six week postpartum check?"
"Um yeah, I'm two years late."
I told her that my thermostat was broken. This is me a hundred times a day...
Of course, this is me now and then too...
"I'm too young to have hot flashes, right? I'm too young to wake up in a puddle of sweat at night, right?"
She was supposed to say, "Yes! Of course you're MUCH too young!"
She didn't.
She said perimenopause was a possibility.
But given my state of tiredness, and my personal and family history of thyroid problems, she decided to have some blood drawn to check for thyroid issues. I hope that's all it is.
Then I endured the whole cold metal jack up the hoo-hah thing. As I lay back on the table, I noticed a picture of a lone palm tree swaying in the tropical breeze on a white sand beach. Yeah, what a perfect distraction. I'm sure any woman staring at that picture would really believe she was sunning herself on a beach and not sitting there with her legs in the air while a virtual stranger poked around "down there". A-hem.
She ordered a mammogram too. I can't wait to schedule that appointment.
Sooo, if any of you are two years overdue for your six week postpartum check-up, go ahead and call the doctor! I'm not going to say you should take care of your health. I'm not going to tell you that it's "not that bad". I'm not going to preach to you how important it is to rule out breast cancer or cancer of the cervix. It's just that misery loves company and if I have to go through it, I think you should too! ;)
Yay, Dawn! I'm so happy to hear that you've gotten your ob/gyn appointment in. Definitely a key one, and hopefully they'll find an easy solution for you to feel more ummm normal? And I know the mammogram won't be fun, but I'm only putting a toe or two on my soapbox -- please make your appointment and go soon!
ReplyDeleteI've had such Dawn withdrawl. I've been super busy and not checked ANY blogs in a long time, so now I have tons to catch up on... maybe tomorrow since it's already after 11 :)
I can't wait to read about the Oprah experience!
I love reading your blog, I come from a large family, filled with half siblings and many exstepparents, I can relate because at almost 18, I am the oldest out of my 9 half/step siblings. I've never left a comment before, but I have to tell you I think it's hysterical that you call it a hooha too! That's me and my mom's inside word for it. Haha, keep on blogging, I can't wait to buy the book.
ReplyDeleteFor your sake I hope it is your thyroid. I personally have been having night sweats since before my twins were born. I didn't think about asking for a thyroid test & don't know if they did one or not. But I remember my mom starting menopause in her early to mid 40's. Getting your mammies grammed, while it isn't that bad(okay the 1st time's the worst!)you really should listen to Anita Renfroe talking about sacrificing them on THAT alter. :) I just about wet myself!
ReplyDelete-Gail
Good for you Dawn I am sooooooo proud of you. I too need to go and have an exam and I will make an appointment. Oh goody!!!! At least there is a Mickey D's clase by and I will get myself a sundae for being good. :)
ReplyDeleteBeen there, done that many, many times. It doesn't get any easier, dang it. Glad you finally got it done, though.
ReplyDeleteYou definitely win the Ultimate Procrastinator award!
ReplyDeleteI had a very good looking urologist a few months back. He called his office "the office of embarrassing exams". I responded with "nothing is that embarassing after childbirth". I was wrong. It was bad. But he was charming and cute and got me laughing. I figured I couldn't be the worst thing he'd seen. Good luck with the boob squishing!
ReplyDeleteSounds perfectly reasonable to me!
ReplyDeleteI will say that when I was scheduled for my first mammogram, I was DREADING it. When it was over, I wondered, "Was that IT?" All the fuss and complaining and it honestly wasn't bad. Don't want one daily, but once a year works for me. Congrats for getting that 6-week check-up! :o)
ReplyDeleteCompanionable misery right here! I finally got myself a new ob/gyn, having moved into the area over a year ago, because my hot-cold-puddle of sweat symptoms, at age 45, were scaring me. Menopause, or my seventeenth pregnancy? (You tell me which was the scary option.)
ReplyDeleteBut the test results were nothing compared to my recognition of the ob/gyn -- not exactly Dr. McHotterson, but not half bad -- inside the concession stand at my son's high school soccer game. Apparently, his son is the (very unhappy) backup goalie to my son.
Yeah, that's a future blog post. I just haven't been able to figure out how to adequately express the humor in it -- because I'm still too busy wincing.
Great pics!
ReplyDeleteI thought that this was a "G" rated family type blog. I'm not letting any children near THIS post.
ReplyDelete"Dr. Hottie Mc Hotterson," indeed.
http://www.organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/
My youngest was born on June 4, 2004. I guess I too am a wee bit late for my 6 week post delivery visit. But My OB was at the same theatre at the same time, a week after I had my little guy Ryan. We took Ryan to see his first Harry Potter Movie. The doctor asked how I was doing, when we met up at the concession stands. I said fine and handed him my $20.00 co pay, so he could pay for his Popcorn & raisinets.
ReplyDeleteI can be your company, just fulfilled my "annual female medical requirement".
ReplyDeleteYeah, I need to do that, seeing as how the twins are almost 6 now...but I can bug you about getting your mammogram. See my post for that at
ReplyDeletehttp://little-but-loud.blogspot.com/
2008/03/in-which-shellie-goes-
visiting.html Because I do not have one little scrap of pride left, and then you'll know, it's not so bad after all.
If it makes you feel any better I've been going every 6 months for YEARS. Gee I just love it oh so much!
ReplyDeleteWell, if it makes you feel any better Dawn, I'm going in Monday for an EGD (tube down the throat) AND a colonoscopy! I'll think of you...
ReplyDeleteGood for you Dawn ! We need you here for a long time! Reminds me too that I am overdue for my mammogram, I moved about the time it was due and the reminder followed me around, won't say how overdue but much too long for some-one with a history of breast cancer in the family. Thanks for reminding me !!!!
ReplyDeleteBTW there's a really funny urban legend about some-one going for their smear test I'll find it and post it
Oh and when I had my children I had a drop dead gorgeous ob/gyn,(same for all of them) there should be a law against it.
I saw my gynecologist this week for the first time since 2003. Because I'm over 50 (well over) she is nagging me to get a colonoscopy. I ignored her in 2003, but it's getting harder to ignore.
ReplyDeleteMammograms don't bother me at all. Except it takes some getting used to, having someone treat your breasts as if they were slabs of meat or play-dough or something.
Dawn, I know just what you are talking about with the hot guy Gyno/OB.... At our OB practice, we have to rotate and see all of the dr's prior to delivery. One dr I swear looks like a younger Tom Cruise. When I have had him in the past, (and again in the near future!) All serious expressions and questions are replaced by a zombie like state and goofy grin as I stare into the eyes of Dr. McDreamy. No lie. Hubby thinks it is hilarious. He could never be my forever Dr.
ReplyDeleteHa Ha! I LOVE it when they paint something "relaxing" above your head, like you're not going to notice the cold metal being shoved into your woohoo. Thanks for the reminder, though, it's that time of year for me too!
ReplyDeleteOoooh I HATE going to the Gyn. Ugh! I was just telling my sister last night that I was overdue and I got the whole speech about "you HAVE to go!" Pfffffft. So fine, between her guilt and yours, I'll go. ;-) lol
ReplyDelete**cold metal jacket***
ReplyDeletebwahahahahaha
I haven't seen my gyno in about 6 years.
Procrastination is my middle name.
When I first found my ob/gyn, I knew they were the right ones when I looked at the ceiling above the table (is it a table?) and saw pictures from the hot firemen calendar. At least they realize that I don't really want to be there, and they have a sense of humor about it!
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of mammograms and such. Have you seen Feel Your Boobies? Seriously, it's a self-exam campaign geared toward younger women, like us :) They have "How to feel your boobies" cards available. They also have t shirts and other stuff. (maybe it's a review for MamasLike?) It was started by a woman who survived breast cancer in her early 30s.
ReplyDeleteMy "baby" is almost 3. Do you think it's time I dragged myself back in there? I just kept waiting until I got pregnant again, but that doesn't seem to be happening.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry about the mammogram! I have to get them every year because breast cancer runs in my family.
ReplyDeleteBut there's a way to prepare for them.
Go down to the kitchen naked in the middle of the night. Open your fridge door. Insert one breast right up against the fridge, wedged in nicely.
Then, as hard as you can, slam the fridge door on your breast. Now you are ready for the appointment!
If you're afraid you can't manage to slam the door hard enough to get a true feel of what it will be like, another method is to find two metal bookends. Go outside and ask a stranger to come into your house. Give him the bookends. Take off your shirt, and ask him to slam the bookends into your breast as hard as possible. Now you're all ready!
In all seriousness, it's not that bad. It's one of those times, though, where I'm really glad I'm an A cup and not a DD.
Visit To Love, Honor and Vacuum today!
I just got a certified letter from by OB/GYN because I have been putting off my fun appt for so long. I couldn't believe it when I went to the post office to pick it up... So I guess I'll be your company and make my appt today:(
ReplyDeleteAmanda
Hi Dawn! I was six years late for my 6 week post-partum check up. My HMO even sent me a letter stating I hadn't been to the GYN in over five years. That was 3 years ago and I'm very happy to say that I am back on track. Congratulations on publishing your first book, I wish you much success.
ReplyDeleteBeing a current thyroid patient, it sounds pretty likely that that's all it is! Let me tell you, when it gets in check, losing weight...much easier! And those hot flashes....GOOOOOONE!
ReplyDeleteGood luck! Keep us posted!
FYI-I have a hot doc for my shoulder and even going to him for that makes me feel "funny"
Way to go Dawn!! Did you neatly tuck your panties and bra into your folded pants to keep the doctor from seeing them?? Why do we do this?? I mean, really, they are about to see up close and personal all that God gave us, but we just can NOT let them see our panties and bra??
ReplyDeleteLOL Good for you for going. My gyno has a pretty little butterfly up on the ceiling straight above you.
ReplyDeleteSounds like the typical, fun, ob/gyn appointment we all know and love. What is with the lack of appointment times for those of us who just want our yearly checkups? I mean, I know the people who are acutally gestating need more face time, so to speak, but with so many doctors in the practice (or at least in mine) I should be able to get in sooner than three months in advance (and then they call and have to reschedule anyway...).
ReplyDeleteI just recently had my first mammogram as well, because I'm in that same "I'm too young to be going through menopause and I definitely don't need a mammogram yet" age range. The tech came in, took one look at me, and said, "Oh. We're going to need a smaller plate," and proceeded to go and search for a smaller tray for the machine. I don't know if that was her way of making the actual procedure seem not so bad, but I was mortified! Looking so forward to having to do THAT every year now too! Hey, you have no chest, but let's make sure we can smoosh them as flat as possible, ok? Good fun.
~Laura
You are so funny. I have to admit that I don't really mind going to the OB?GYN. Call me crazy! A couple years ago she had me get a basline mammogram (I was 36) and silly me thought since my father had colon cancer at 40 I should go ahead and have a colonoscopy. All within a period of 4 days I was groped, squished and scoped. FUN! I turn 40 this year and my entire self is falling apart.
ReplyDeleteDawn, go get "squished". I just had a friend pass away this week from breast cancer...and she was in her MID-30'S!
ReplyDeleteThis is why I come to this site. You can make even that not so happy appointment funny. If you're only two years late on your postpartum, I'm almost 8 years. And I know I know, with all the cancer (41 year old sis had uterian (spl) in my family I shoudl go, but gheez, I only get a few hours a day alone and I don't want to spend them doing that.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laugh though. Might take your advice sooner or later.
Hi Dawn, You are so Friggin Funny! Where the heck do you find the perfect pictures to post? Kristine in Michigan.
ReplyDeleteHi Dawn, This is not related to this post but wanted to say something funny. Did you see the movie "Misery"? That Cathy Bates charector cracks me up. Here are some of her quotes from the movie. Your a lying ole dirty birdie, Look at me just pratteling away, Oh that's an Oggie mess, Cockadoodie car. Thought you might get a laugh today and feel free to use these. Kristine in Michigan.
ReplyDeleteDid you ever see that "The New Adventures of Old Christine" episode where Christine (Elaine from Seinfeld)'s gyn (George from Seinfeld) told her she was going through perimenopause and she wouldn't accept it? HILARIOUS EPISODE.
ReplyDeleteDawn - I love your command of medical jargon. LMAO! Being 51, I have had my share of exams and mammograms. The best is now I have a chaperone with my exam, so there are two people that get to view "down there." Keep blogging. You make my day!
ReplyDeleteLove your blog and read it daily. This is the first time I was compelled to leave a comment. I had the same issues with tiredness, sweating, heart pounding at times, etc. Had my thyroid checked and it was fine. Turned out I was allergic to wheat. I feel soooo much better now that I've taken it out of my diet. I'm also trying to avoid gluten as much as possible and have given up caffeine as well. I have so much energy now I'm driving my husband and 3 kids crazy with all of my organizing!
ReplyDeleteOnly you could make someone laugh about going to the gyn.So happy you went. Its no fun but now your done for a year. Now make sure yougo for your mammo.
ReplyDeleteYou’re not alone, Dawn. I mistaked my 6 week post-partum check for 6 years. After that appointment I promised I would come back on an annual basis. That was two years ago…
ReplyDeleteWell DAwn I just thought I'd let you know that I am like you a 30 something mom ( in fact more like 37) and they informed me at my physical a month or so ago that I needed the baseline mammy...whatever you do, dont get yourself all bent ouf of shape because it isnt anything worth working yourself all up for...its quick and any "discomfort" only lasts 5 seconds...literally...you had six kids...this will be a breeze!! I also wanted to tell you that you have gotten me hooked on the carepages, little Coleman and I'm going back and reading all of julians world, and I followed your whole oprah trip with manic and michelle and mimi. Its awesome to see pics of you guys having so much fun, reminded me of my teen daughter and her friends :) Enjoy the nice weather!!
ReplyDeleteOh you are suppose to go back in 6 weeks? I knew I forgot something! LOL Glad it went relatively good though for you. Except the whole salad spoons up the whoha thing.
ReplyDeleteHi Dawn,
ReplyDeleteI hear ya on all that "stuff". I was in the same situation as you and they told me I was in perimenopause. This was 3 years after my last child. I also stopped having my monthly cycle.(As if I really missed that one)Any way, I had hot flashes too. I cut back on my caffeine and they seemed to go away. Hope that helps in anyway.
Keep up the great work.
Sharon
I appreciate your honest sentiment!
ReplyDeleteHow's this for late: I skipped my annual exam for two - or three? - years. Just couldn't be bothered. Well, I got married, quit my job, and moved twice, so I was a little bit distracted. Also, I didn't mind not having someone poke around down there. Also, I didn't look forward to finding a new doctor/nurse practitioner....again. Argh.
Glad you went through the terror. =) Seriously, it is important and we all know that. I personally have never had a problem going just because it is a necessary evil and I lean toward the necessary part to get me through it.
ReplyDeleteI thought the comment about not wanting to get that personal with a hot guy does not make your husband angry. =) Just kidding...I know what you meant and it is understandable. You really would have had a hard time dealing with my previous situation--my last OB/GYN (before we moved) was a close, personal friend of our family. Yep, saw them weekly in Sunday School, ate at their house for lunch, he and my hubby played softball together. It could have been seriously awkward if we had let it.
Loved the article though. Quite funny and true. Good luck with those test results and that mammogram (not looking forward to that one day).
That is funny!
ReplyDeleteMy 4th child will be two in May and I am due for my Poost Partum checkup! I just got out of the habbit. Everytime I thought about scheduling one..I got pregnant. Problem solved! Now if I am not going to get a baby out it. I don't want to go! Glad you got yours over with.
Low thyroid can mimic perimenopause. I loooooove my Synthroid; I feel human again. Hope that's all it is!
ReplyDeleteUgh! I'm with you! I HATE those appointments. I haven't been late for any in the past couple of years though due to having had 2(more) children between June '06 and Dec. '07(been a little busy ;) lol). Before that though, I was always putting that appt. off. My last ob/gyn was/is a TOTAL hottie. When I first started going to him I was really unsure about it, until I realized that he's a doctor that Listens to his patients. Whoa! I didn't know those kinds of docs existed anymore! Score one! And he was hot. Score two! And now you have to look Where, doc? Dammit.
ReplyDeleteI've had problems with abscesses down yonder in that region and had a trip to the ER, 3 trips to my family practice(all males) and now have an appt. scheduled with a gen. surgeon to find out what's going on but at least this one is a chick. I told my mom that between yearly check ups, my pregnancies and having my kids(5), and now these new issues, half of colorado springs has seen what I got to offer and I'm telling you this now.. it ain't that much.
Yeah its time for me toget oneofthose lovely check ups too, but I have yet to make the appointment.
ReplyDeleteI'll make it soon though:)) I promise.
Hope the rest of your day went well!
I had to lol because I actually AM 2 years late on my 6 week post-partum exam. Whoops...I keep thinking I should go, but let's face it, I don't really WANT to ;)
ReplyDeleteMy ob-gyn has a picture of a kangaroo. I was so distracted by trying to figure out the meaning of a KANGAROO on the ceiling, that I didn't really notice the long, long wait for the doctor to come back, or the discomfort of the metal implements when she did come back.
ReplyDelete-Tara
I had to laugh at this post. I HATE going to the OBGYN. Though, now that I'm 7.5 months pregnant I'm there all the time. But at least I don't have my feet jacked into the stirrups with my ass hanging in the breeze.
ReplyDeleteI got my reminder card for my annual the other day and cheered that I didn't have to go. I completely understand!
LOL I just made my annual appt. (2 1/2 years overdue!), and have my first mammogram scheduled for this Sat. Crud. I had no idea they had Sat. appts. and lucky me, they had a cancellation - so they can get me in right away! Can't wait to get my boobs smashed.
ReplyDeleteHow to prepare for a mammogram: The following is credited to humorist Barbara Johnson but there's other similar info on the web that nobuddy wants to take responsibility for writing.
ReplyDeleteMammogram: This is an x-ray that has its own name because no one wants to actually say the word breast. Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do fine. Most breasts, however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular so they are woefully unprepared. But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these exercises.
Exercise 1. Freeze two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts (either will do) between the bookends and smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat this three times daily.
Exercise 2 Locate a pasta maker or an old wringer washer. Feed the breast into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily.
Exercise 3. (Advanced only, puhleeze!) Situate youself comfortably on your side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you give the signal, have your husband slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on other side.
jdb in AZ
"The hospital janitor could come up and deliver your baby, for all you care."
ReplyDeleteThat actually almost happened to my mom when my sister was born. LOL The docs and nurses didn't believe Mom when she said she felt the baby coming (because in 1961 laboring women were not qualified to determine what they were experiencing, of course @@). So mom was in this room, alone, and in walked the janitor to mop the floor. He was mopping, and my sister's head started crowning. The janitor had to yell down the hall for someone to come catch this baby that was about to come out.
No wonder my mom doesn't have warm fuzzy feelings about child birth. LOL
Dawn,
ReplyDeleteDefinitely worth it to get your thyroid hormone level checked! The thyroid is the "gas pedal" of the body, and when it isn't working right, NOTHING works right! I have severe hypothyroidism and had some of the symptoms you described, but when I was put on synthroid, everything returned to normal (and I lost 10 pounds!) Good luck! Hoping it is a quick fix for you. . .
Excited about your book!
2 years late.. hahaha! I love it.
ReplyDeleteI know it won't make you feel any better but I'm late for a check up in that region too. But my Birth Control prescription still has lots of refills so I won't be in those stirrups anytime soon.
xoxo.
I'm with you....I don't know why they call it a "gown" either.....I think a "paper towel" would be more accurate.:)Not like a Bounty paper towel either, more like a generic one-ply version, that probably absorbs more than it covers. :)
ReplyDeleteI remember my very first OBGYN appointment. I was nervous and I didn't know what to expect. I was very gratefull to have a very nice, older lady as a nurse that told me up front that it was going to be uncomfortable. She was right. I'd much rather have someone tell me the shot will prick rather than tell me it won't hurt a bit. - Christine
ReplyDeletethanks for THAT mental picture Dawn :) ok, i'm calling NOW for my follow up appt.
ReplyDeleteLol @ your hospital janitor comment, it is so true. I USED to be a very private person until I was in labor with my first for 24 loooonnnnnnnng hours and then had to have an emergency c section. Now after enduring another 9 month pregnancy and another birth...the world and it's mother can come and see if it will get the baby out faster.
ReplyDeleteGreat blog =)
Oh, man...why did you have to go and remind me about getting my own appointment? The OB/GYN I'm supposed to go with my insurance plan is a hottie, from what my SIL tells me, and I just don't think I can bear it.
ReplyDeleteROFL! I did go to the 6 week postpartum thing but I am about ohhh year overdue now for the next appointment! I should make that appointment soon...but I am thinking of changing doctors...so maybe I should just think about it for a bit longer.
ReplyDeleteOne of the reasons I had a home waterbirth for my 3rd baby was so I'd be the one to catch him.
ReplyDeleteI watched Rikki Lake's film The Business of Being Born http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/ on Monday and boy am I glad I had my babies in the UK.
oh dawn, i can so relate to this post...i had my annual exam a couple weeks back and actually blogged about it in haiku form...i'd love for you to visit it, then i can say someone famous has been to my blog ;) http://yayasmom.blogspot.com/2008/04/my-friday-appointment.html
ReplyDeleteif you do visit, please leave a comment :) Thanks for the great blog, I so love love love reading it, it makes me smile and laugh.
janelle
You talked me into it. I've been putting off the call for the yearly check up for about 2 year. Not a post-partum, since I adopted both my children, but after 4 rounds of IVF I was a little tired of spreading my legs for every doctor or nurse that showed up in the room.
ReplyDeleteOff to make the call!
Thanks for the laughs.
Dawn,Cool that you were able to drag your self in there!I am...err.. lets see,just a bit over 7yrs late for my 6 week postpartum check up.You have just motivated me to look up my OB/GYN's number.....if he's still alive....he was kinda old.hmmmm
ReplyDeleteWait, you´re supposed to go BACK to the doctor after the baby is born? :S I´m pretty behind on my post-partum exams too . . . for BOTH kids. I got pregnant pretty fast after the first one was born, so I guess the exams for that pregnancy count as post-partum ones as well as prenatal? :D
ReplyDeleteI have my 6 week appointment in a few weeks...I didn't realize I can skip it!! Hmm....
ReplyDeleteLast time I had those symptoms.... I found out I was pregnant. Now, I'm pregnant again! Menopause is for old farts... i"m only in my 40s!
ReplyDeleteThe only thing worse than the yearly metal jack up the hoo-hah is having the metal jack in the hoo-hah at 35 weeks pregnant, which is what I was lucky enough to endure yesterday. Oh, the humanity and horror! The OB pretty much had to peel me off the ceiling when she was through. Good luck w/ the thyroid results. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism a few months after my 17-month-old was born (yep, I'll have 2 under 2 - eek!), and night sweats were the first of many symptoms. A few tweaks of Synthroid later and I was feeling much better!
ReplyDeletehttp://untitledhaskellproject.blogspot.com
HEY!! I was just telling someone last week, how my Gyno has a nice beach scene painted on her ceiling! They thought I was making it up!! (really. the only thing worse than making it up ... is a doctor actually DOING it!)
ReplyDelete(Came here via Michelle...I'm a fan of the blog, just not a big "commenter"!)
Been a lurker from Ft Worth, TX a long time, ever since discovering your Pokeman auction. Look foward to reading you daily, and will buy your book the day it comes out! But I'm here for my procrastination story. I procrastinated my annual exam for 7 - yep, 7 years! When I finally went in, they found a tumor on my ovary with blood flow (suspicious of the big "C") as well as numerous cysts on both breasts. I had surgery 12 days later with a good report of no cancer. But it scared me into not going a day over my one year from now on! I'll take the metal prod up the hooha any day over cancer!
ReplyDeleteHi! I love your site, and I just wanted to tell you I feel your pain on the OB/GYN thing. I had to go today myself, for a sonogram. Not the fun kind where you see a baby and hear a heartbeat. Nope, just a sonogram to check out some issues with the ol egg makers. Not exactly the pictures you want to bring back to the office and share. So I was told to drink 32 oz of water and hold that for one hour before my apt. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! So do as I am told (at work) and 10 mins later, I'm doing the pee pee dance at my desk. I decide to cheat and go pee just a little bit. Yea, try cutting that off...and I chug more water. I have to hold for about 20 mins at this point. I rush to my car, drive to the dr bouncing in my seat the whole way, run into the office redfaced and sweating and announce my arrival with "i have an apt at 1015 but i am about two seconds away from wetting myself" The secretary God bless her, hollers out before i get my sentence out AMY WE GOT A FULL ONE HERE! I am high priority and rushed in. The fun doesnt stop...after external portion, where I got to empty my bladder now came the INTERNAL sonogram. Have you ever had one of these? You are handed a wand w/ a condom on it (Will it make me pregnant?) and told to "insert please" I was waiting for porn music to come over the MUSAK. But I survived and lived to tell about it.
ReplyDeleteAngie
Odd you should post about this as I just went yesterday for my visit. I hadn't been there in a while (3 years) but things hadn't changed. I got the same lovely gown (opening in the front). I would love to know why they can't make them bigger. At least let me think I've got a chance of modesty. And after the regular checking of all things I had expected, she threw me a curve ball. She did something very, very bad. She checked out the "other" sensitive area down there! Since when do they do that? She had the nerve to tell me to relax and come back down off the ceiling. At the very least she should have brought me a drink. Anyway, I survived and while I will never look forward to these visits I will still go. Thanks for the laughs.
ReplyDeleteI'm a procrastinator when it comes to schedule my yearly check-up after I've had a baby (we have 5 children). It never failed, I'd go in for my yearly and be calling back within a month or two saying "I'm pregnant"! LOL! I'm still waiting to see what's up with my 40-year-old body now, my youngest turns 2 on Monday and I haven't called them yet! ;)
ReplyDeleteHa Ha! Dr. Hottie McHotterson. oh goodness. You reminded me of when I had to get my wisdom teeth taken out. I was 19, and the Dr. made my Grandpa seem young and spy, but his Resident...mmm yummy. I was so shy in the appts leading up but during the surgery, the anesthesia must not have been mixed correctly because I woke up in the middle 9couldn't feel anything, thank the Lord) and I SANG. The old Dr. said in all his years, he'd never had anyone sing during surgery. At the follow-up, it was just the smokin hot resident to check on me. I was mortified. I couldn't even look at him.
ReplyDeleteMy baby is now 5 1/2 weeks old and I haven't made my appt yet. I never scheduled one after my first, so what's it like? Do you really need to go? I just had a PAP in Sept. at my first prenatal visit. ok, ok, I'll go.
Oh, and my Mom and her friends say that hot flashes are what OLD ladies get...they (upper 40's) get "power surges" (not quite sure if that's any better.)
My first pap"shmere" was when I was sixteen. I didn't know I was going to have to have it when I went in. I was alone-no one to hold my hand as the doctors shoved their way into the holy of holies. They told me to strip down, and I sat on the crumply paper bed for 30MINUTES, crying, waiting for them to return. Ironically, it was actually worse than I ever imagined.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Great Story! It reminds me of my 6 week postpartum checkup. To sum it up... I was nursing so I had a little leakage; after the firedrill (yeah, seriously, a firedrill) I had to don a second, non-leaked-on, papergown; etc. etc. Aren't female issues FUN?!?
ReplyDeleteMy father, a prostate cancer survivor, lives by the maxim that the more embarrassing a procedure is, the more attractive the person performing it is! :)
ReplyDeleteWe're on the same schedule! I'm going on Friday!
ReplyDeleteI'm just really hoping you weren't twittering on the table!
And get that mammogram! Do you know how IMPORTANT THOSE ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DO.
NOT.
PUT.
THAT.
OFF.
FOR.
TWO.
YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had my first in December. I missed my 6 week check up, but they were asking for it. They had me come in 2 weeks after just to ask me how I felt & gave me my pills then. I had no reason to make myself go a few weeks later.
ReplyDeleteBut let me tell you, I could NEVER get those people could call me back when I was pregnant. Early on I had problems & signs of a miscarriage...no return calls. Test results that were suppose to be back the next day? Never got a call & when I'd call I'd never get a call back. After waiting 2 weeks for my group b test, I refused to leave the room until they called the lab & got my resulted faxed over & told me. They NEVER called me back, even if I had questions how payment of co-pays I owed.
But the day I missed my 6 week appointment? They wouldn't stop calling. They even called my husband at work! This continued for about 3 weeks off or on before they finally gave up. They were really excited to give me a pap smear I guess.
Oh well. I'll go soon...you know, when I need my pills refilled.
Thanks Dawn!! Someone else who has procrastinated that appointment... but I will say I didn't let it go that far out..lol. I did end up extending it (every month) for about 6 months though. I finally went last week and it was over before I even thought about it... not what I remembered from 2 years ago..lol. The mammogram though.. PIECE OF CAKE! I would take one of those every month if it meant getting out of that yearly exam... or even the dentist! Good luck with the perimenopause... I'm still waiting for the results of mine too (I'm 42 this year and I'm pretty sure that's what's going on) but my kids are hoping they find a cure for that disease soon!
ReplyDeleteRhonda
Ahh, only reason I go is because I like my birth control. I've got three kids, thats enough for right now. I've got a seven year old struggling with autism, a four year old, and an eleven month old. Don't need anymore for a bit.
ReplyDeleteOh by the way, I'm only 23. LOL
Glad you went, Dawn. Even if its an uncomfortable experience.
Good for you to go to the GYN, Dawn! And with your funny sense of humor too! I bet you thought about what you could blog about the whole time you were laying there staring at your palm tree.
ReplyDeleteThink what you will be able to post after a mamo! Get it done. That goes for all your other fans out there too!
Some of your comments got me thinking about my first lady exam at eighteen in Germany. I went to a military clinic and escaped unharmed. The funny part is that about six months later, I found a car on the lemon lot (parking lot where people sold their cars before returning to the States) that I wanted to buy. Imagine my horror when I met the guy to test drive the car that it was my GYN! Gasp! Luckily the docs at the clinic saw so many people he never recognized me, but I couldn't even look him in the face!
ReplyDeleteHi! I'm 15 years old and found your blog while doing research for my own, teensonparenting.blogspot.com. I just want to say that you are funny and great =]
ReplyDeleteYou are too funny! My doc has a smiley face sticker on the ceiling, you know, the kind they hand out at Walmart... Sure, I'll smile, once you remove the Jaws of Life from down there! I heard a lady comedian comment on that whole experience. She said she liked the recliner, but thought the "cupholders" were in an odd place...
ReplyDeleteDawn, you SO crack me up!
ReplyDeleteI agree, EVERYONE should have their exams without fail. I go every year and two years ago my gyn found "irregular cells" in my cervix. I had cryosurgery right away and he told me that if I had let it go (or missed my yearly appointments), I would have had full blown cancer within two years! It was totally scary because I NEVER had a symptom and I was only 37 when this happened.
I've been putting off making my mammogram appointment since January. Since you made me realize I can laugh about these crazy appointments, I'm going to call tomorrow!
By the way, my gyn has comics hanging on his ceiling. I don't find them funny at all! haha
You're a gem, Dawn -- keep up the great work!
Donna in PA :)
My first gyno appt was with a guy doctor who went to school with my mom. Unfortunately he knew who I was, and as I lay on the table getting ready for my "first time", the nurse comes in to hold my hand...and as he went under the cover, he says "I can't believe how much you look like your mother!" I didn't know he knew my mother THAT well! I can laugh about it now...but it's taken me almost 20 years, but I laugh about it now.
ReplyDeleteI have finally talked my Dr into every 2 year appointments. As for the Mamo yeah there are all kinds of jokes out there about how bad it is. But after so many kids, me 4, breastfeeding all of them its a breeze. And for me after nursing for that long a little squeeze is nothing compared to cracked and bleeding nipples 2 days after feeling like you were ripped apart. ;-0
ReplyDeleteAlso how did you get tickets to Oprah?? There are some that have tried for years to watch that show live!
my thyroid is wacky and it gives me annoying hot flashes... and I think my doctor might have the same poster above the torture, I mean EXAM table. It never distracted me enough either.
ReplyDeleteDawn - I'm a better procrastinator than you apparently. I am umm...11 years, give or take a few days, overdue for my postpartum checkup from my son. In my own defense, I'm built really, REALLY small "down there" and they haven't yet found the doodad small enough to fit in the hoo-hah without ripping my insides to bits and blowing the whole thing anyhow for "you must be about to start your cycle, dear, you're bleeding." Yeah, right. Like that's going to happen like clockwork every year. So I'm one of the (un)lucky women who basically has to treat herself for things like that (read ignore my health according to my doctor's office) instead of gittin' 'er done. Not that ANY woman in her right mind likes a gynie exam, but I would like to someday know that I'm not full of cancer in that respect! Oh well...I'm in perimenopause myself, so maybe I can eventually get one done for the first time in over a decade.
ReplyDeleteI am now under the twice a year hoo hah check and mammogram. The last time I went they found HPV in cervix and Spots on Mamo! YAY!!! So several more tests later I was given clean bill of health, but now am "HIGH" risk... so don't put it off!!! Go get the mamo, wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be! and Ice Cream always helps!
ReplyDeleteI'm almost exactly 2 years late for my 6 week post-partum exam too. Hah. Gotta love it.
ReplyDeleteMy doc has a poster of a very annoyed looking cat peeking out of a toilet bowl. It's posted to the ceiling (the poster, not the cat or the toilet). It reads, "Do NOT tell me to relax. Seriously."
Just went to my 6 week postpartum check about 1 1/2 weeks ago-6 mos late! Same thing, even when I was calling to make the appt, when I said it's my 6 week postpartum check a little late, there was a little pause moment. Then it was quickly categorized as an annual exam since a 6 week p.p. check 6 mos late was just plain delinquent! I think they just couldn't fathom the concept. :)
ReplyDeleteI should have gone in February for an annual appointment. I forgot and nnow my OB/GYN has been activated (He is in the Army reserves). He'll be back in a year or so. I'll see him then, unless I need an OB before then and have to break in another one. :)
ReplyDeleteHmmm.... hot flashes, cold flashes, fatigue... are you sure it's not another baby? lol That would be a kick in the pankts! Wouldn't it?
ReplyDeleteI think I over-see my OBGYN. But that's mostly because I'm still in a constant state of pregnancy or breastfeeding. I've been married 6 years and all 6 years except the first 3 months and a random 8 months between the two boys, I've been pregnant or nursing. I'm at the gyno's all the time! lol
When you have your thyroid checked, have your doctor check for Hashimoto's Disease. I went misdiagnosed for years and gained a lot of weight in a short time before I was finally diagnosed. My thyroid hormone levels were normal but my antibodies were through the roof!!!
ReplyDeleteOur family doctor is a very attactive woman, my DH has a similar reaction to her giving him a prostate exam--which includes a rectal exam!
ReplyDelete